Warning: Chapters marked (R) contain non-graphic erotic content. Chapters 7, 12, 14, 16, 17, and 23 are rated for intimacy between boys that occasionally involves gentle biting, scratching, and veiled issues of consent: one of the boys can make people prioritize certain desires above others. He does this subtlely and sometimes involuntarily, but it can be an issue in a physical relationship.

Chapters:

Preamble

Robert James had never given much thought to how he would die.  At least, not until his newest employee turned out to be an adrenaline junkie who liked to hear his boss scream.  Then he had thought, rather humorously, that perhaps he would find himself the victim of a malfunctioning rollercoaster, an extreme sporting accident, or perhaps sung to death by some sort of karaoke mob.

That was before he realized he was addicted to a psychic vampire who fed off of other people's excitement.  Before he learned that certain levels of stress hormones actually could kill.  Before life without a daily infusion of happily extraverted manipulation started to seem so pale and cold that he didn't know why he'd want to go any other way. 

Before he fell in love with Casey Rhodes.

1. Components of a Vector

"I was just wondering if there's any way I could switch lunch periods."  Casey flashed his most charming grin at the guidance counselor, shifting his backpack over his shoulder as he pretended to lean on the desk.  "I was really trying to work it so I'd have at least one familiar face in the cafeteria, you know?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in Physics right now?"  The guidance counselor looked up from her computer, but the fact that she knew that meant she must have his schedule up on her screen.  Score.

"Yeah," Casey admitted, "but I could switch for Astronomy instead, right?"  He tried to sound as apologetic as he could when he added, "I've already taken Physics."

She paused at that before she could protest, and he was careful not to smile.  Good students could get away with anything.  "Well," she said after a moment, looking back at the screen.  "I'm sorry you ended up in Physics again; the computer should have seen that in your transcript."

"Well, weird things happen when you transfer," Casey said.  "It might have been listed as something else.  AP Physics, maybe."

That did it.  "I'm sure we can fit you into the Astronomy class," the guidance counselor told him.  "Why don't you take first lunch now, and go to the planetarium for fourth period.  It's in building six.  I'll let the teacher know to expect you."

"Great!"  Casey drummed his hands on her desk, flipping her a thumbs-up as he turned away.  "Thanks, Mrs. P!"  And everyone said the "OB" in OB High stood for "obnoxious."  They seemed very helpful to him.

Kevin was waiting for him in the hall outside, holding up the wall with a glare that said, wanna make something of it? to every passerby.  No one did.  Except Casey, who flung an arm over his shoulder and messed up his hair before Kevin could shove him off and duck away.

"First lunch!" Casey crowed, laughing at his expression.  "Here we come!"

"You're so disgusting," Kevin muttered.  "Everyone just does whatever you tell them, don't they."

"Pretty much," Casey agreed cheerfully.

The cafeteria was loud and raucous, the rain keeping everyone inside--or at least, holding them there once they arrived, if they hadn't been lucky enough to have class in the main building.  Casey scanned the crowd, catching sight of Penelope from 3D Design--no--Doug and Amber from Calculus--no--and Alicia from French--maybe.  She was the one Kevin was least likely to alienate with defensive snark.

Casey didn't even bother to ask him as they ambled through the lunch line.  Kevin would veto anyone he pointed out and they would end up sitting alone somewhere, which would be okay if they hadn't agreed to act like totally straight buddies at the new school.  If he wasn't going to get any petting, then he wanted actual conversation.

Kevin followed reluctantly as Casey swung into a seat beside Alicia, grinning when she looked up and waving at her friend across the table.  "Hey," he said nonchalantly.  "Mind if we join you?  We don't know many people yet, and it's nice to see a friendly face."

"Sure, yeah."  Alicia waved the spoon from her fruit cup in their direction.  "Marcus, Casey.  He's in my French class.  I don't know his friend."

"Kevin," Casey offered, since he wasn't sure Kevin would.  "He's from the city too.  Wanted to get away from the traffic.  How long have you guys gone to school here?"

"Which city?" Alicia wanted to know.

"San Jose," Casey said.  She didn't even pretend to make small talk, and he couldn't decide yet whether that was cool or really annoying.  He'd better be careful about jokes around her: "traffic" hadn't meant cars, and Kevin was glaring at him.

"Hi," he added, pleased that someone else seemed to be joining them.  "What's up!  I'm Casey; this is Kevin.  Alicia saved us from having to eat alone our first day at a new school."

The girl gave Alicia a look, but Alicia just shrugged.  "Saleki," the girl said, sitting down next to Marcus.  "Everyone calls me Sal."

"Do you seriously have to meet every person in this school?"  Kevin was eyeing him across the table.  "If you don't know everyone's name by the end of the day, are you going to follow them home and introduce yourself to their parents?"

"Only if there's dinner involved," Casey said with an unrepentant grin.  "Who got the corner table?"

Marcus didn't look, but Alicia and Sal did.  "The private school kids," Alicia said briefly.  "They're transfers too.  New at the beginning of the semester."

"Not Fran," Sal said.

Alicia, who had already gone back to her lunch, glanced over at the corner again.  "Fran hooked up with the blonde one the first week of school," she amended.  "Dominic.  Don't get in his way.  Lily's the one with long hair; don't waste your time.  That's her boy Theo there next to her."

"From private school?" Casey repeated, studying them carefully.  They drew the eye.  And anyone who drew the eye could also draw attention.  He liked attention.

Alicia shrugged.  "That's what they say."

She was deliberately not looking at them anymore.  Sal had turned away too, and even Marcus, who'd barely looked up since Casey sat down, was somehow not-looking at them now.  Casey perked up.  People were weirded out by the private school transfers.  Which meant that he could probably bond with them over their outsider status, or bond with everyone else over his inability to bond with outsiders.  Win-win.

"I'm gonna go introduce myself," he declared, standing up.  "Save my seat."

"Yeah, he always does this," he heard Kevin say as he walked away.  "No, I don't know why."  Casey knew the comment was meant for him as much as for any of them, and he grinned to himself.  Kevin knew perfectly well why.

"Hi," he said, stopping in front of the corner table.  "I'm new here, so I figured I'd introduce myself.  I'm Casey."

It wouldn't have worked for anyone but him--and even he had a moment of doubt when the short one Alicia had labeled "Theo" glared up at him.  Dominic and Fran just looked sort of confused, though, and Lily actually smiled back at him.  "Hi," she said cheerily.  "I'm Lily.  Want to sit with us?"

"Lily," Theo said, with obvious exasperation.

"Thanks!"  Casey slid into the seat next to her.  On a scale of hard to easy, she was easy plus.  "I heard you're kind of new here yourself."

"This is our first semester," Lily agreed.  "We used to go to a private school on the other side of town.  There's so many people here; I wouldn't have even known you were new if you hadn't said."

"I would," the one Alicia had called Fran offered.  "I mean, because I didn't.  Go to the private school.  I've always gone to school here.  Well, not here at the high school, but here in Ocean Bluff.  Um--"  She laughed nervously.  "This part of Ocean Bluff, I mean."

"Hi," Casey said, grinning over at her.  She was excitable.  He liked her.  "Maybe you can give me some advice, then.  I'm looking for a job, so... if you know any place that's hiring?"

"Ooh, actually, JKP's looking for another night person!" Fran blurted out.

"JKP?" Casey repeated.  He watched with interest as everyone at the table exchanged glances and Fran looked suddenly worried.

"Should I not have said that?" Fran asked, glancing at Dominic.

"No, that's a great idea," Lily said firmly.  "You should definitely stop by.  I mean, if you like pizza.  JKP is Jungle Karma Pizza."

"You work there?" Casey asked.

Another round of glances.

"They all do," Dominic said, flashing him an easy smile that said more about what it didn't reveal than what it did.  "The owner takes in a lot of strays."

"We're not strays," Theo snapped.  It was the first time he'd spoken since reprimanding Lily, and Casey eyed him with some amusement.  It was always the little ones that turned out to be the real tough guys.

"Well, I'm pretty stray," Casey said, smirking at him.  "You think I could come by after school?"  He and Kevin had already agreed it would be better if they looked for separate work.  They were less conspicuous when they weren't together.

"Absolutely," Lily said.  She seemed to have taken spokesperson duties back from Fran.  "I'm working this afternoon; you can come with me if you want."

"Great!"  Any place that served food had potential, and if these guys all worked there it also had a mystery to be uncovered.  What made them all stray?  Why did Fran think she wasn't supposed to say anything?

"I'll meet you out front at 2:30," Casey said with a smile.

2. Displacement and Freely Falling Bodies

There was a time when he would have walked in the front door of his own pizza place without a second thought.  That was before he'd welcomed a member of the WPP into his loft, become best friends with him, and started spending a lot of his off hours not asking "Dominic" about his former life.  Now they came in the back during the dinner rush, just out of habit.

Barefoot, boards dry after the walk, they used the fire escape to avoid drawing the attention of the kitchen staff, and RJ laughed at Dom's efforts to block him from the loft at the top of the stairs.  "You forget," he declared, walking straight through the borrowed surfboard.  "A Pai Zhua master is never truly trapped."

"I forget," Dom countered, swiping futilely at RJ's board as it passed, "how ridiculous you are about using your powers in public.  Are all your friends stoners?"

"Wolf!" RJ called, ignoring him.  "Dinner time!"  He propped his board up against the landing and peered into a couple of the wolf's favorite hiding spots.  He came up empty.  "Do you see Wolf anywhere?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Have I seen the wandering animal spirit that you tell all the customers is a dog but is obviously a giant non-kibble-eating predator?" Dom repeated.  "No, I'm pretty sure I would have pointed it out as Exhibit B in 'Proof That RJ's Friends Must Be High.'"

RJ's eyes were closed as he concentrated on the familiar bond between master and animal spirit.  The wolf was outside, somewhere close by... happy.  Pleased with someone's undivided attention.  Being--patted.

RJ tilted his head, unconsciously leaning into the hand that was scratching the wolf's ear.  "He's not here," he murmured.  He knew he was talking, but he couldn't hear his own voice in his ears.  He could hear someone else: someone laughing, the man who was patting the wolf--patting an animal spirit that had never let anyone but RJ within touching distance.

"RJ?"  Dom's voice seemed to come from somewhere far away.  He could feel the sun on his fur, the pavement under his feet... the hands on his shoulders.  Someone was rubbing the wolf's chest.  The wolf wouldn't stare him down, so RJ only got glimpses of gold eyes and fair skin and really, since when did the wolf let anyone that close?

Magic.

"RJ."  Hands landed on his human shoulders, and RJ sucked in a sharp breath as the loft lurched into place around him again.  Opening his eyes, he found Dom's worried gaze looking back.  "You okay?  You don't usually get that spacey when you're talking to the wolf."

For a brief moment, it was Dom petting him.  Hands on his skin, hot contrast to his still-damp t-shirt, sand and grit falling away--it was the oddest feeling, and it took a startling amount of self-control to step back instead of forward.  "I'm all right," he said slowly, head turning toward the nearest door.  "I'm going to... go get the wolf."

"Where is he?"  Dom was frowning.  "You want me to come with?"

RJ thought about it.  Did he want someone to come with?  Yes.  Whatever mysterious influence this stranger had on the wolf, RJ probably shouldn't face it alone.  Did he want Dom in particular to come with?  No.  The lower Dom laid, the better.

"It's fine," he said aloud.  It might be, even.  "He's just out front.  I'll be right back."

Back down the fire escape, into the alley, coming up the street.  He tried not to think about the wolf the whole way, but their awareness, once joined, wouldn't be separated so easily.  Someone was digging their fingers into his back, sending pleasant tingles up and down his spine.  He rolled his shoulders absently, wondering what the man could possibly have done to his wolf--

RJ came around the corner and stopped short.  Something about the wolf must have alerted the stranger, who lifted his head and looked right at him.  A bright smile broke across his face.  "Hi!" the stranger said cheerfully.  "Is he yours?  I hope you don't mind; he seemed friendly enough.  He's great!"

"I--"  RJ paused, frowning.  He had no idea what to say.  The wolf wasn't friendly.  The stranger wasn't a man.  And he didn't seem to be coercing the wolf into anything.  He was just another college student in a grey campus sweatshirt, stopping by for pizza or breadsticks or both.

"He looks like he wants some exercise," the student said with a laugh.  "Can I take him for a walk or something?  Is he allowed out on the street?  Come on, boy!" he added, slapping his hands on his knees as he stood up.  "Wanna go for a walk?"

He wasn't waiting for an answer, RJ realized belatedly.  And the wolf wasn't averse.  "Wait," he blurted out.  The student and the spirit were already turning away.  Bewildered, RJ concluded, "I'll... come with you."

"What's his name?" the student called back.  He didn't offer his own name, nor did he turn back as he asked.  He just kept going, clapping for the wolf and laughing when the animal spirit pretended to snap at his fingers.

Pretended.  The wolf was actually pretending... playing.  The wolf was playing with him.

"Wolf," RJ said, not sure either of them would hear.

The wolf ignored him, but the student flashed a grin in his direction.  "Appropriate," he said, and for just a moment RJ thought he knew.  Those gold eyes stared straight into his, his hand on the wolf's head, and not everyone RJ knew was so blind after all.

Then fingers buried themselves in the fur behind his ear, scratching gently, and he closed his eyes.  This random passerby didn't know.  Of course he didn't know.  No one who had any idea what the wolf was would pat it like that--not that the wolf had ever left it up to them.

His ear stung.  He reacted automatically, unthinking.  He went from tilting his head to swatting at his ear and his eyes flew open when he realized what had happened.  The wolf had jerked away, snapping, but the student wasn't bleeding and that would have been more reassuring if he wasn't staring at RJ in fascination.

"Hi," he said.  He offered his hand to the wolf again, palm up... not taking his eyes off of RJ.  "He's not just your dog, is he."

RJ had no idea what made him say it, what made him talk to this person who was so clearly not what he appeared.  "He's not a dog at all, actually."

"No?"  The student didn't seem shocked by this.  "Familiar?  Totem?  Shapeshifter?"

The wolf nudged that open hand with his nose, and a smile flickered on his face.  "Proxy?" he suggested.  Quiet.  Close.  How had he gotten so close?

RJ opened his mouth to say no.  The hand sliding into his hair was warm and affectionate, and if it hadn't snuck up his neck and around behind his ear he might have realized sooner that it was happening to him.  The wolf was way over there, completely uninvolved, while a passing college student cupped the back of his head and brushed a gentle kiss against his lips.

"Sorry," he added, breath soft on RJ's face.  He didn't move his hand.  "You looked like you might not hit me, and I like to seize the moment."

"Ah," RJ said, for lack of anything more inspired.  Those eyes really were a remarkably light brown.  The yellow color wasn't just a trick of the light.  "I see."

"I know I didn't ask," the student whispered, "but I'm gonna take that as a yes."

And RJ was kissing him before the word "yes" was gone from his tongue.  Because he could seize the moment, he could carpe diem with the best of them, and the wolf liked this one, for whatever reason... the wolf wasn't this nice to RJ's partner.  The wolf wasn't this nice to anyone.  Even to RJ.

"You smell like pizza," RJ murmured inconsequentially.

A breathy laugh teased his mouth, and he was going to get another kiss.  "I work at a pizza store," came the reply, along with another fleeting taste of warmth and skin.  "You smell like the ocean."

RJ pulled back, studying that face once again.  As best he could at close range.  "You work at a pizza store," he repeated.  But no; he still didn't recognize him.  "This could be a problem."

"Why?"  The expression was amused and, as far as he could tell, genuinely interested.  "You're not allergic to something, are you?"

"I own a pizza place," RJ told him.  "And I'm afraid, if you work for the competition--"

"Oh, no."  His golden-eyed student looked amused.  "Please tell me it isn't Jungle Karma Pizza."

RJ eyed him, and the hand on the back of his head fell to his shoulder.  "It is, isn't it.  Are you RJ?  Your floor manager is super intimidating; I guess I was expecting someone... meaner."

Jarrod had been trying to find another staff person for the weeknights, after the kids went home.  He hadn't mentioned any interviews today.  With all the loose power and animal spirits running around, RJ insisted on vetting new employees--preferably before their trial period began.  But Jarrod wasn't above unilateral decisions, especially when he thought RJ was dragging his feet.

"Do you have a fraternization policy?" the student asked, wincing.  "Do you think we could start over?  Maybe I could do my interview under an assumed name."

RJ couldn't help but notice that no matter how awkward they were pretending to be, neither of them had stepped back.  "Jarrod hired you for the evening shift," he said with a sigh.  "Didn't he."

"Provisionally," the student agreed.  "Fran mentioned it at school today, so I came by with Lily this afternoon and spent a couple hours getting oriented."

"School?" RJ echoed.  He wasn't sure he wanted to know.  "How... old are you?"

"Past the age of consent."  The half-smile that accompanied this didn't make him feel any better.  "Don't worry."

He should worry.  He should at least be concerned, somehow curious about this--whatever was happening, but instead he felt surprisingly calm.  So much so that when the not-college student remarked, "Maybe we could pretend that we didn't have this conversation for a few more seconds?" he found himself thinking, what conversation?

This time, interestingly, his response wasn't taken for granted.  Warm fingers teased the back of his neck, stroking carefully as his new too-young employee said, "Hi.  I'm Casey.  I'm old enough to vote and enter into legally binding contracts, and I'm not stupid.  As of this afternoon, I think I'm technically your employee, but if that's gonna be a problem then consider this my notice."

"No," RJ said quickly, "not a problem," before he realized that Casey might have been talking about the kissing more than the job.  "Uh--if I may ask--what did you do to my wolf?"

"Nothing!" Casey beamed at him.  "He started following me all on his own."

Yes, RJ thought, staring into the face of confidence.  I can see why.

3. Kinematics in Three Dimensions

The next day he told Kevin not to wait up for him.  He arrived at Jungle Karma Pizza early, was happily ambushed by Lily, and managed to ascertain three things right away.  One, their work uniforms were exactly as weird as they looked but he was allowed to wear whatever he wanted under his green JKP t-shirt.  Two, "the private school kids" acted way more normal when they weren't being stared at by everyone at OBH.

And, most interestingly, RJ must not have told anyone the details of his introduction to Casey--but he was a terrible actor.  Apparently he worked in the kitchen most of the time, and when he didn't come out to interview Casey, Casey asked Lily if they'd all decided he was okay.  The question made her frown.

"I don't know where he is," she said.  "You might as well go back.  It's a thing with him to talk to everyone who starts here."

"We allowed to just wander through the kitchen?" he asked.  Because she seemed to, but Jarrod had specifically told him he was there to take care of the customers.  Fran seemed to do the same job he'd been hired for, and she always yelled through the double-sided oven instead of actually going out back.

"Oh, definitely," Lily said with a laugh.  "Careful, though, RJ'll conscript you to cook if you show any interest at all."

Casey grinned.  "I'll keep that in mind."

The kitchen was depressingly quiet compared to the restaurant proper--plenty of actual noise and activity, but the psychic hum was suppressed by an air of calm that encouraged focus rather than chaos.  He looked around for RJ, or, failing that, someone to stir up.  It was seriously boring back here.

"Aha."  RJ's voice came from just behind him, which made him whirl.  He'd had his back to the door, and there hadn't been anyone there when he walked in.  "I see Lily found you a uniform."

Casey eyed him.  Dressed in a white chef's jacket with a leopard-print bandana holding his hair out of the way, he didn't look much like the tousled surfer of yesterday.  "I like it," he said, even though he didn't at all.  "Very professional."

RJ drew back, holding up a hand as though he could trace the words through the air.  "Uh, the zebra print or the leopard?  I was kind of going for a jungle theme."

"I noticed," Casey agreed, amused but unsmiling.  "I'm confused about the wolf, though.  Isn't that more of a temperate zone thing?"

RJ blinked.  "Most of my staff are cat people," he said.  It clearly wasn't the non sequitur it sounded like, but Casey couldn't decipher it for anything.  That intrigued him.

"I like dogs," Casey said.  "Do you like karaoke?"

"Performing it or listening to it?" RJ asked.

Casey couldn't help smiling.  "Either," he said.  "Both.  Whatever.  Come to O'Connell's with me after work.  You close up at 10:30, right?  Open mike until midnight; just heard about it yesterday.  They're supposed to have a good crowd."

RJ might be able to appear at will in previously empty spaces, but he wasn't any good at getting out of Casey's stare.  Responding to the karaoke question seemed to have used up most of his spontaneous processing ability.  Which was, in fairness, greater than most.  But now he seemed caught, either unaware of Casey's approach or genuinely confused about whether he was supposed to welcome it or not.

"I'm relatively certain I shouldn't... date any of my employees," RJ said at last.

"I asked you," Casey reminded him.  "If the employee thing is gonna be a problem, I'll quit.  I'm way more interested in you than I am in this job.  You want me to walk away?"

He was gambling that RJ wouldn't say yes, but he could handle it if he did.  He already had an in with this group--RJ and Lily both--and he could find more exciting places to work.  He might have to anyway... but for now, if RJ kept him, he had mysteries to solve.

"How old did you say you were?" RJ asked abruptly.

Casey smiled.  "Is this the interview part?" he wanted to know, taking another step closer.  "My date of birth's on my W2.  Along with my current address.  I could give you my phone number, though."

RJ frowned.  "It's not on your application?"

Lily had given him a pen earlier--one of the good ones, she said, so he'd put it in his apron.  He pulled it out and reached for RJ's hand.  He heard the double-sided oven open from the restaurant side, and Fran's voice called through an order.

"Coming up," RJ called back, watching while Casey wrote a phone number across his palm.  When the oven clanged shut, he added, "Jarrod and I are supposed to go over some things after close tonight."

"I'll wait," Casey said.  Maybe he could get one of the others to entertain him.  Or maybe he could take RJ's dog for a walk.  The thought made him smile.

He never got an interview, and he didn't get a kiss either, which was too bad because he was pretty sure that would have shaken even RJ.  But Lily breezed into the kitchen with a tray held over her head and a pitcher in her other hand, moving so quickly that she didn't even seem to focus on them at first.  RJ didn't manage to step back before she did a double take, though, wide eyes taking in their proximity and possibly RJ's slightly glazed expression.

"Hey, Lily," Casey said easily.  "How late are you working today?"

"Uh... eight," she said, watching RJ instead of looking at Casey.  Defensively, he thought.  More cautious than curious.  Checking to make sure he was okay?

She suspected him!

Well, that was different, he thought, amused.  Who were they here that they assumed anyone they liked might be magically influencing them?  Did they think he was trying to steal their secrets?  Or was he after something that only someone who knew their secrets would know to want?

"Who's working close?" Casey asked, pretending he didn't see anything.

"That would be you and I," RJ said smoothly.  "I'm afraid we're short tonight.  I'm sorry to leave you out on the floor alone your first day, but I'll help, of course.  And it will only be for an hour.  Fran offered to stay until 9:30."

Casey raised his eyebrows.  "I thought Jarrod was going to be here."

"He'll be at the community center until ten," RJ said vaguely.  "He's stopping by on his way home."

Really.  Casey was liking this plan better and better.

"Dom's here, though, right?" Lily said.  She gave Casey a sideways glance.  "Upstairs?  In case you need anything?"

"I'm sure we'll be able to handle it."  RJ finally caught her eye, and something passed between them.  Something more than a silent understanding.  The flicker of energy made Casey's skin crawl.

He wanted that.  Whatever it was, he wanted it.

"More breadsticks for the monkey table," Lily said lightly, rolling her tray into the floating rack by the Hobart.  "I'm getting soda for table two, and then I'll be back to do desserts.  You want Casey to help, or learn the counter with Fran?"

Unexpectedly, RJ turned to him.  "Preference?"

"Shadow Lily," he said.  Fran was more soothing and surrounded by a lot more people, but Lily obviously expected him to give her the slip and do something devious the moment her back was turned.  So he would stay right where she could see him.

Like he needed her to turn her back.

"Done," RJ said, clapping him on the shoulder.  "Soda's out on the floor by the counter."

"Come on," Lily added.  "I'll show you the secrets of the ice machine."

He wasn't at all surprised when she grabbed his arm the second they stepped through the kitchen door and hauled him around behind the counter.  "Okay, what are you doing with RJ?" she hissed.  Fran was at the register and he saw her glance back at them worriedly, but no one else seemed close enough to overhear.

"Um, have you seen him?" Casey muttered.  He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to keep his head down and look defensive.  "He's really hot."

Lily stared at him in total non-comprehension.  It was all he could do not to grin.  Yeah, she'd definitely been onto him.  She was fast, granted, but too sympathetic for her own good.  He'd throw her off without any trouble.

"Wait," she whispered at last.  "You're gay?"

He lifted his shoulders without lowering his arms, making it perfectly clear that he thought it was obvious.

"Oh!"  Lily looked positively relieved.  "Well, that's all right, then."

"Is he?"  He was curious, if not concerned.  RJ would obviously respond to him, but he'd take any extra information he could get.  "Do you know?"

She actually hesitated.  "Not sure," she admitted.  "He and Jarrod are... really close.  But he's living with Dom, so.  It's not like he doesn't do close."

Jarrod again.  There was potential there.  Dom, though.  He definitely wanted to meet this Dom guy.  He wondered what it would take to bring him down out of the loft.

4. Equations for Constant Acceleration

Lily had bounced into the kitchen to say goodnight at 8:03, all reservations about leaving RJ and Casey alone seemingly forgotten.  Fran offered to stay past 9:30, but Dom was waiting to walk her home and she seemed relieved when RJ told her they'd be fine.  There were only three tables still occupied, and all of them were already eating.

Casey strode through the kitchen door minutes after Fran and Dom had left, but he was only bussing Fran's last table for her.  He stayed long enough to reload the Hobart and then he was gone again.  RJ wondered if he should feel slighted.

Cleaning, check.  Stocking for the next day, check.  The kitchen was in good shape by ten, so he headed out to the counter.  He was expecting to do whatever cleaning Fran hadn't gotten to, since they hadn't had time to train Casey on closing duties.

He wasn't expecting to find the three occupied tables pushed together in the middle of the floor, eight people including Casey huddled around them.  They were talking and laughing and he spent a long moment just staring at them.  Casey hadn't given any indication that he knew--well, any of them, when they came in.  In fact, Fran had specifically mentioned how scrupulous he was about introducing himself to customers.

New in town, RJ had thought.  Jungle Karma Pizza was a great place to meet people.  Casey seemed to have a particular knack for making friends, and RJ had assumed he would take advantage of the situation to familiarize himself with the local crowd.

He hadn't expected... this.

Casey looked up, beaming over at him when he saw RJ standing by the counter.  "Hey, boss!  We were just talking about your dog!"

That sounded potentially problematic.  "Oh?" he said.  Everything about Casey he had tried not to remember--or at least not think about obsessively--came rushing back.  His hands on the wolf, his mouth on RJ, his intent eyes and his easy laugh.

"Yeah, he's a malamute, right?"  Those eyes were on him right now, laughter in them even when his tone was light and distracted.  "Thom here thinks he's a husky, and we had a couple votes for mutt--he's not though, is he?"

"Belgian Tervuren," RJ said, as calmly as he could.  "He was a gift, back when I was spending most of my time in the mountains."  He wasn't sure why he was still talking, but he found himself saying, "Luckily, he seems to have adapted well to city life."

"Now, see," one of the girls at the table began, "that's more than I've ever known about Wolf!"

"Or RJ," Casey added, eyes sparkling.

This prompted a storm of protest from the table, and RJ listened with some surprise as they proceeded to list everything they knew about him.  Casey grinned at him.  RJ thought perhaps he should sit down with them for a while, just to make sure the conversation didn't get out of hand.

He was still there when Jarrod arrived thirteen minutes before close.  Customers still present, dishes unwashed, the register open and the counter no cleaner than it had been before.  Not exactly setting a high standard for his employees.

"Oh, hey, my bad," Casey said suddenly.  "We're not ready to close up at all, are we."  Pushing his chair back, he stood up and looked at RJ.  "What do you want me to do?"

This had the immediate effect of alerting the rest of the table to the time.  It also had a surprising number of them offering to help.  Before RJ could object, Casey got them all stacking their plates and he was promising to take care of everything else if they would put the tables and chairs back where they came from.

"Actually," he added, "if you want to just put the chairs up, that would be great.  I'll be back to get the rest of them in a minute."

RJ glanced at Jarrod.  He was watching the whole thing, arms folded and a vaguely amused expression on his face.  Some part of RJ's brain was grateful that Jarrod found the spontaneous stage direction funnier than presumptuous--he tended to get a little territorial about the JKP floor--while another part wondered what he could do to help Casey.

Jarrod joined him across an empty table, helping put up the chairs with him.  "How's it going?" he asked, jerking his head in the direction Casey had gone.  "He any good?"

"He relates to the customers well," RJ said, watching the little group gather up their things and move the tables back into position.  They spread out from there, putting up chairs around the restaurant until the floor was completely clear.

"I see that," Jarrod agreed, giving the place a onceover.  "Do you like him?"

Casey was back: with the mop, which meant he'd either skipped loading the Hobart or he was using leftover mopwater from the kitchen.  Or he was moving with the speed of experience.  The latter seemed unlikely, if not impossible.  But he was in the middle of the departing group again, laughing, thanking them... exchanging numbers with one of the girls.

"Yes," RJ said slowly.  His choices were "yes," which Jarrod would interpret as blanket approval of Casey's benign nature, or "he has potential," which would put Jarrod on his guard.  Casey seemed benign.  He seemed almost... too benign.

"It makes me nervous when you hesitate," Jarrod said, watching Casey flip the open/closed sign and lock the door without being told.  "Who walked him through closing procedure?"

RJ frowned.  He'd been wondering that himself.  "I don't know," he admitted.  "And I didn't hesitate.  I'm just... thinking."

"I think you'll find that's the traditional definition of hesitation," Jarrod remarked.  "A pause in words or activity filled by reflection."

They were watching Casey mop now.  He was studiously ignoring them, clearly aware of their scrutiny and just as clearly willing to leave them to it.  Innocent, RJ wondered?  Or just confident enough that they wouldn't be able to prove otherwise?

Confidence was unquestionably not an issue for Casey.

"You could just say he has potential," Jarrod said under his breath, and something in RJ rebelled.  Jarrod fired those with "potential."  And as much as RJ felt this one bore watching, he also felt that he should be the one doing it.

"I like him," he said aloud.  "He isn't... harmless, I'm afraid.  But I don't think he has malicious intent."

"You don't think?" Jarrod repeated evenly.

"That's what I said."  RJ watched Casey look up with a certain sense of inevitability, and sure enough, that gold gaze found and focused on him.  Casey smiled.

RJ couldn't keep himself from smiling back.  Jarrod saw it, came to a conclusion that wasn't wildly inaccurate, and said, "I see.  You're happy to have him on your shift as often as possible, then."

"It worked out tonight," he admitted, because at some point he would have to tell Jarrod.  "We're going over to O'Connell's after you and I are done here."

Jarrod turned so his back was to Casey and raised his eyebrows at RJ.

RJ sighed.  He didn't want to do it, but that was why they had rules in the first place.  To keep outside influence from creeping in just because one person lost their objectivity.  "I forfeit my vote on all clan matters relating to Casey Rhodes," he said quietly.

Unexpectedly, Jarrod smiled.  Stepping closer, he murmured in RJ's ear, "Welcome back to the human world, RJ.  Good luck."

Before he could answer, Jarrod was circling him, an arm over his shoulders as he announced, "I have to get home.  Any way we could go over that stuff in the morning?"

If it hadn't been completely obvious that he was setting them up, Jarrod's lie was unmistakable when he stayed to count the cash drawer while RJ and Casey finished cleaning.  Then he took the deposit while RJ went upstairs to change.  The whole clan would know by the next day, RJ was certain.

He felt a little guilty for leaving Casey downstairs, especially since he knew Casey was changing too.  But he couldn't have strangers in the loft.  He was also trying not to think about the fact that it was Casey's school clothes he was changing back into.  The clan might take a more lenient view, but the rest of the world probably wouldn't appreciate him being alone in his apartment with a high school age date.

When he saw Casey, he thought the world was siding with the wrong person.  The college student illusion was firmly back in place, and the full force of the charm that had convinced seven strangers to do his work for him just minutes ago was now turned on him.  RJ could feel it in the way Casey smiled, in the way he tugged on RJ's sleeve and said, "Great color," and the way he held the door without making a big deal of it.

"You're different," RJ said, waiting for Casey to close the door so he could lock it behind them.

The observation made Casey laugh.  "Aren't we all," he said, and RJ blinked.  It was something he might have said.  He was struck by the thought that Casey had done a lot of things exactly the way he would have done them today.

Psychic, he wondered?  Empathic mimic?

"Speaking of," Casey continued.  "Fran's boyfriend Dominic is your roommate Dom?  I didn't get that until I saw him."

"My cousin," RJ said, sensing the unspoken question.  Trying to avoid it would only raise more, so he lied.  "Moved out here with his band.  Giving him a place rent-free keeps him in school, so."

"Oh," Casey said with a laugh.  "So that's what he meant about you taking in strays."

"And you?" RJ asked, because he could guess.  "Are you stray?"

"If I say yes," Casey countered, "will you take me in?"

He barely kept himself from offering right then.  Too benign, indeed.  This one needed eyes on him every second--even if RJ wasn't sure it would do any good.  Casey was clearly used to an audience.

And maybe RJ was too used to seeing the supernatural in every shadow.  Welcome to the human world, Jarrod had said.  Was this really what it was like?

5. Static and Kinetic Frictional Forces

They were going to drive him crazy.  "Dom" obviously wasn't a rival, and Jarrod had never been nicer to him than when he caught Casey monopolizing both the floor and RJ's attention.  Lily and Fran had been mildly entertaining, but if RJ didn't shake that frustrating calm then Casey was dumping him for a concert, an actual bar, or, as a last resort, the airport.

High school should have been the perfect breeding ground for drama.  He and Kevin were on their best behavior, though, trying to blend in as long as possible.  Well, not blend in, exactly.  But to draw only positive attention where they could.

It was a sad fact of human life that positive attention was rarely as deep, as lasting, or as satisfying as negative emotions.  Kevin thought it was a failing of human evolution.  Casey thought they just conditioned themselves with correction until they forgot how to feel the good things as strongly as the bad.  Regardless, it made it hard for people like him and Kevin to survive on positive attention alone.

He was dressed to draw it all at O'Connell's.  When RJ didn't jump him on the way over, and barely raised an eyebrow at the fake ID that let him in, Casey should have given up.  He should have picked someone else.  There were plenty of more emotional people at the bar tonight... even that girl at JKP had seemed like fun.

He couldn't forget the wolf, though.  The "Belgian Tervuren."  He hadn't imagined the energy that flickered between RJ and Lily, either.  He could have anyone, yes, but he wanted this one.

Casey was accustomed to getting what he wanted.

"Cranberry juice," he called over the bar.  He ignored the weird look the bartender gave him and asked, "RJ?  What do you want?"

RJ was eyeing the tables with a sort of academic interest, but he said, "Virgin screwdriver," and Casey smiled.  He hadn't expected RJ to drink if he didn't--or at all, for that matter--but he knew what to say.

Grabbing both their glasses, Casey pulled the orange juice back when RJ reached for it.  "Want to sit down?" he suggested, smiling again.  It had been a long day, and his mental reserve was running down.  He had two choices: wind RJ up, or wind everyone else up.

RJ only gestured an easy acquiescence, and Casey made sure he'd stepped past him before he rolled his eyes.  Winding RJ up would clearly require some effort.  He thought he could probably put him on the defensive pretty easily, but he was still hoping for some answers.  So that left everyone else.

He left RJ at a table with their drinks and bulled his way into the karaoke lineup by promising to sing Santana for the woman who was waiting.  And he did--he'd had a favorite karaoke night at the last place they'd stayed, but this crowd didn't know him from Adam.  So he did "Into the Night" for her, grinned at her blush and the applause and the two people who called for him to sing again.  He knew how to build a following, and it involved not overstaying his welcome.

It was still hard to walk away and lose even that superficial amount of attention.

Another guy rescued him from the woman who was giggling and thinking about buying him a drink, and this one was serious.  Bhandar was a dark-haired Indian rebel who had one thing on his mind.  "Boyfriend," Casey whispered in his ear, sliding up against him when Bhandar put a possessive hand on his back.

"Screw him," the Indian muttered.

Casey grinned, pretending to step away as he pointed to RJ.  "I wish."

Bhandar followed his gaze and snorted.  "He didn't even get up to collect you after you sang.  Screw me instead," he suggested, dark eyes returning to Casey with intent.

He could stand next to that all night.  Anyone with an imagination like Bhandar's had the force of feeling behind it.  "If he turns me down, I'll think about it," Casey said with a grin.  "Drink?"

"You better believe it," Bhandar replied.

"Get something for me," Casey told him.  "I'll be over in a minute."

The guy knew he was being used, and it made him watch all the more closely.  Casey felt those eyes on him as he slid into the chair across from RJ.  "You sing?" he asked, lifting his glass and tapping it against RJ's where it sat, untouched, on the table.

"Not as well as you," RJ observed.  "You know a surprising number of people for someone who just moved to town."

So he had been paying attention.  "Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet," Casey said, taking a long swallow of juice.  Not great for his throat, but.  He wasn't planning to sing again.

"I see."  RJ didn't seem to find this as cute as most.  "Who are your friends, then?"

"Sara, the girl I cut in the karaoke line," Casey said, looking around for her.  She caught his eye from the bar and waved, and he winked in return.  "And Bhandar, the dark and brooding one who's buying me a drink."

"That," an Indian accent interrupted, "would be me."  A second glass plunked down in front of Casey, and Bhandar used his free hand to pull up another chair.  "I'm out to steal your man, here."

He had a glass in his other hand too, and he took a drink as he sat down.  Casey saw RJ glance at him, eyes flickering up and down in obvious threat assessment mode.  But what sort of threat was he assessing, Casey wondered?

"He's not technically mine," RJ said at last, glancing back at Casey.

"That's what I'm counting on," Bhandar agreed.  "Even if you are his boyfriend, I'm hoping you've only been out a couple of times.  If I show enough interest, ideally you leave and he stays."

Casey actually had no idea how RJ would react to this, so he watched with interest as the man tilted his head.  "I suppose if buying him an alcoholic beverage constitutes showing an interest," RJ remarked, "your plan is well underway."

"Sitting here and ignoring him until he shows up with another guy isn't exactly a convincing counter argument," Bhandar told him.

"Perhaps not," RJ allowed.  "However, tolerating said other guy in the absence of any sign from Casey probably is."

Casey blinked.  "Would you believe," he said, as innocently as he could, "that this kind of thing actually happens to me a lot?"

Bhandar's eyes roamed over his frame.  "Oh yeah," he said.  "No surprise there."

"You do it on purpose," RJ said quietly.  He didn't take his eyes off of Casey's, and the resignation there made Casey twitch.  "Can I assume that the girl you met at the store will also be showing up at some point?"

"Wow," Casey said aloud.  He'd expected something.  Anger, maybe, or jealousy if he was lucky.  Irritation at the very least.  Not this sort of wistful distance.  "That was low."

Bhandar just sipped his drink, watching.

"Let's go," Casey said, standing up.  "I want to show you something."

RJ didn't move.  "Why?" he wanted to know.  "I'm not a teenager, Casey.  I don't play these games."

Oh, but he would.  Casey stared down at him, willing him to look up, but RJ gazed at his orange juice without blinking.  If he were upset, that would be one thing, but he was just... off, like his energy had completely gone.  It was ramping Casey's restlessness up to the breaking point.

"Your dog likes me," he blurted out.

RJ looked up, and when their eyes met he felt them connect again.  "Come with me," he said softly.  He could totally make this happen.

He passed Bhandar a ten while RJ stood up.  "Thanks for the drink," Casey said, and he probably shouldn't have smiled but he did it out of habit.

"I'll be here 'til midnight," Bhandar told him.

Casey didn't look at RJ.  "I won't be back."

Bhandar shrugged, with an expression that said yeah, not tonight.

He followed RJ out of O'Connell's.  He knew even as he did it that if he didn't follow, RJ wouldn't stop.  That was somehow encouraging.  If RJ was just posturing, then Casey was probably wasting his time.  Sure, he could get what he wanted, but it wouldn't be much of a challenge.  If, on the other hand, there was real feeling behind those whims, then Casey had a chance to get something out of this.

"Hey," he said, lengthening his stride to catch up with RJ.  "Come over here for a second."  He pointed up the boulevard before running on ahead to jump up on the cement half-wall beneath a streetlight.

RJ surprised him by leaping lightly onto the other side, circling the lightpole to stand beside Casey.  Just out of reach.  "Is this symbolic of your effort to illuminate the situation?" he asked, not without humor.

"Nope," Casey said, smiling.  "It's my attempt to enlighten you.  See over there?  All the lights up the coast a ways?"

RJ did at least look where he was pointing.

"That's where I come from," Casey said.  "I mean, not there exactly.  But somewhere big and bright and busy.  I'm used to the city, RJ.  I'm used to having people everywhere.  I'm used to being underfoot, and overhead, and everything in between."

Still staring at the lights, he lowered his voice as he added, "I'm used to people fighting over me."

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he glanced at RJ.  He was facing in the opposite direction now, but he was also close enough to touch.  That seemed like a fair trade.

"That's where I'm from," RJ said.

Casey craned his neck, but he didn't see anything except shadows.

"I'm not used to being around a lot of people," RJ continued.  He had a counter for everything Casey said.  "I'm used to quiet.  Solitude.  Nights that are so dark you can look up at the sky and see the entire galaxy spread out before you."

He paused there, so Casey prompted, "And people fighting over you?"  He hadn't been lying when he told Lily the guy was hot.

RJ sounded distant when he said, "I'm used to people who respect each other's territory.  Boundaries," he amended quickly.  "People who respect boundaries."

"Okay," Casey said.  "So.  We need to meet somewhere in the middle."

The silence that greeted this statement sounded startled, but after a moment RJ agreed, "That sounds... fair."

Casey smiled over at him.  "Good thing we're both here in Ocean Bluff, then."

6. Satellites in Circular Orbits

He had been optimistic to think the clan would know by morning.  They not only knew, they had reactions, opinions, and unbounded enthusiasm.  Because the cats of Pai Zhua were really known for their cool, detached perspective.  Or for minding their own business.

RJ came downstairs to meet Jarrod at six-thirty.  He found Jarrod, along with Theo, Lily, Fran, and Dom.  They were all gathered in the front of the restaurant, and they had a jaguar, a cheetah, and a very large lion with them.  The humans were huddled in a booth, out of direct line of sight with the door.  The cats were not.

"How very... subtle," RJ remarked.  He didn't advance past the counter.  He had no doubt they would come to him.

"RJ!"  Fran was the first one up, and she flew across the floor toward him with Dom and Lily on her heels.  "I was so worried!"

Well, that didn't bode well.  He wrapped his arms around her when she hugged him, giving Dom a puzzled look over her shoulder.  Dom had waited up, saying Fran had seen something that bothered her, but he'd been easily reassured the night before.  Now he just shrugged.

"Okay," RJ said at last.  "And... the rest of you?"

"Don't you want to know what she saw?" Theo demanded.  He was sitting on the end of the table now, watching the rest of them gather around RJ.

Jarrod gave Theo a quelling glance to which Theo, as usual, paid no attention.  But Jarrod spoke before he could say anything else.  "I called Theo and Lily," he said.  "I figured if everyone else was going to be here..."

"Yes," RJ agreed, keeping his arm around Fran when she refused to step away from him.  "Why is everyone here, exactly?"

"We want to hear about your date," Lily told him.  "Did he pay?  Did you kiss him?  Dom wouldn't even tell us how late you got back last night!"

He caught Dom's eye and inclined his head.  "Thank you."

"You gave up your vote," Jarrod reminded him.  "It's up to us to monitor Casey's interaction with the clan.  We need to know what you know about him."

"Not everything you know," Theo muttered.

"I want to know everything!" Lily protested.  "There wasn't any drinking involved, was there?  He can't be twenty-one.  Did you eat?  What does he like?  You didn't make him get pizza, did you?"

RJ frowned.  "What's wrong with pizza?"

"He's nineteen," Jarrod said.  "He likes everything.  I challenge you to find one thing that kid won't eat."

"Where does he live?" Lily wanted to know.  "Who's that guy he was hanging out with at school?"

"Kevin," Theo muttered.

"Yeah, Kevin," Lily agreed.  "Is he new too?"

"I've never seen him before," Fran offered.  "I think he and Casey must have transferred together.  Or at least, at the same time.  From the same place.  Since they obviously know each other."

"Do they live with their parents?" Lily insisted.  "Are they on their own?  Why did they switch schools if they have their own place?"

"Guys," Dom said.  "I don't know if you've noticed, but this isn't really helping."

"What do the animal spirits think?" RJ asked mildly.  "Do they think Casey's okay?"

"We can't trust Wolf's opinion any more than we can trust yours," Theo pointed out.  He hadn't left the table where they'd all been sitting when RJ came down.  RJ tried not to think about what they might have been discussing.

"Trust isn't the issue," Jarrod said firmly.  "Objectivity is.  RJ and Wolf gave up their vote, not their voice.  And the lion doesn't have a problem with Casey."

"I want to hear what RJ has to say," Lily chirped.  "The cheetah likes Casey."

Theo shook his head.  "The jaguar doesn't have an opinion," he grumbled.  "But I think this guy came out of nowhere awfully fast.  It's like he was looking for you."

"Everyone's looking for someone," Dom said philosophically.  "I'm just glad to see RJ enjoying himself."

"And your animal spirit?" Fran prompted.  "What does he say?  Does he like Casey?"

Dom shrugged.  "He says RJ's been alone for a long time.  If Casey can change that, he wants us to let him try."

RJ sighed.  He was rapidly developing a deeper sympathy for how Dom had felt when he first started going out with Fran.  "Fran?" he said, not sure this would change the subject at all but willing to take the chance.  "You said you saw something?"

"Well, you know the things I see aren't always what happens," Fran said nervously.  "It changes a lot.  And it's sort of hard to understand, you know, even if it doesn't.  Sometimes I don't know what it means until afterwards.  Or never, I mean; Dom helps, but--"

He put both hands on her shoulders and squeezed.  "Breathe, Fran.  What did you see?"

"You were screaming," Fran blurted out.  "And Casey was--he was with you, and... he was smiling."

RJ raised his eyebrows at her, but she didn't blush.  She just chewed her lip, staring at him like he might disappear.  Not the good kind of screaming, then.

"And you're sure this was bad," Dom put in, obviously trying to clarify the same thing.

"Oh, I'm sure."  Fran looked sure.  "It was very bad.  It was like, extra very bad.  But here's the weird thing; the part I don't get is that I really like Casey.  We're going to be great friends."

"Did you see that too?" Lily wanted to know.

Fran nodded emphatically, pigtails bobbing.  "Yes.  I did."

"So either Casey turns on us," Theo said, "or Fran does.  Either way, we've got a problem."

The lion reprimanded him with a conversational snarl, and Jarrod held up a hand.  "No one's turning on anyone.  We're a clan, and we stay a clan no matter who we adopt into the family.  Is that understood?"

"I don't know why you're asking me," Theo said, frowning.  "They're the ones who have to agree.  Our whole future depends on them.  If someone without an animal spirit decides to betray us, it's not like we have any control over them."

"I would never," Fran began.

At the same time, RJ said, "You'll have to forgive Theo, Fran.  I'm afraid his comments are largely for my benefit.  They're not directed at you."

"They're directed at both of you," Theo snapped.  "This isn't exactly friendly territory we're in here.  I don't know why we have to do our real world apprenticeship at a high school, of all places.  But Lily and I can't just pick up and walk away to keep from being found out."

"You think RJ can?"  Jarrod straightened, his gaze unflinching on Theo.  "He has a business here.  He's built a clientele.  He's not going to risk that for someone he isn't sure of."

RJ wished he was as certain about that as Jarrod was.  Or at least that he could sound as certain, given that Jarrod had expressed his own doubts the day before.  One thing he was sure of was that life without risk wasn't worth living.  But he was responsible for these cubs now--he was their cover, their contact, their mentor--and he couldn't forget that.

"Casey's coming," Dom said suddenly.

The big cats flowed to their feet, and the humans were just as fast.  No one questioned what Casey was doing at the restaurant half an hour before school started.  They just moved: Theo through the alley wall, his jaguar fading to nothing in his absence, Lily and her cheetah into the opposite wall.  The cheetah wouldn't emerge on the other side, RJ knew.

Dom hustled Fran out through the kitchen.  The lion followed them, and Jarrod said quietly, "I'll be out back.  Yell if you need anything."

"The ovens are on," RJ replied.  "We have dough from last night, but it's still cold.  Oh, and the--"

"RJ."  Jarrod clapped him on the shoulder and backed toward the kitchen.  "I know how to open.  Go unlock the door."

Was it already seven?  Why was the wolf outside?  How come seeing Casey through the window made his brain stop functioning?  He couldn't even answer his own questions.

But he could unlock the door.  So he did.  He flipped the sign from "closed" to "open" while he was at it, and he waited for Casey to walk inside.

7) Apparent Weightlessness and Artificial Gravity

He couldn't actually remember when Jungle Karma Pizza opened in the morning, but he had the number in his cell and he thought someone might pick up if he called the kitchen.  RJ or Jarrod, it wouldn't really matter which.  As long as someone came to the door and let him talk.

When the wolf appeared next to him in the courtyard, Casey knew he was golden.

He also knew he shouldn't be doing this.  Kevin hadn't come back last night, and Casey was running on fumes.  He wasn't going to school--he'd be a magnet for every fleeting thing, and they would all blow up into something inevitable and unmistakable.  He shouldn't be here either.  RJ probably couldn't even help him.

And if he could, their little flirtation would be over two days after it began.  RJ wasn't ready for that, but Casey wouldn't be able to help it.  Really, though, how fun could he be?  He was just another guy with weird friends and an exotic pet he wanted to hide from the authorities.  A one-time boost was probably as good as it got.  If that.

"Greetings," RJ said, opening the door in front of him.  Casey blinked at him, a little fuzzy, and he added, "You looked like you were having trouble deciding whether to come in or not."

"Wasn't sure you were open."  Casey could feel the wolf pressed up against his leg, and that reminded him he should be patting it.  His hand found the wolf's head, fingers scritching absently, and RJ was pointing at something.

The "open" sign.

"Are you all right?"  RJ's voice sounded funny, and Casey wasn't sure what the question meant but he could feel the wolf's sharp focus like fresh air on his face.  He turned toward the animal instinctively, stopped only by RJ's hand on his arm.  "You look tired."

Casey looked down at his hand, then frowned up at his face.  "Sorry, what?"

RJ was worried.  Already.  Casey hadn't even said anything, and RJ was worried about him.  It felt good.  And when RJ said, "Come in," without taking his hand off of Casey's arm, Casey followed that feeling like a moth to a flame.

A very large, flame retardant, light-eating moth.

"You did... sleep last night?" RJ was asking.  His tone was light, but the wolf was still pressed up against Casey and he had to take an extra step to keep his balance.  RJ's hand tightened on his arm--

Something sparked in his head.  Something like waking up, like when the alarm went off and he knew he was late.  He wasn't even aware of turning into RJ, of grabbing hold of his shirt, but he knew he was leaning into him when he demanded, "What did you just do?"

Fear.  RJ was afraid.  But not just afraid, and the fear wasn't of Casey.  He was shocked.  He was excited.  A dizzying flush of response radiated from the calmest man on earth and Casey pressed closer, kissing him hungrily.  Keep going.  Don't stop.  Show me what you've got.

He felt hands on his shoulders, felt himself not being pushed away, felt RJ kissing him like he'd just found the thing he was looking for.  Who knew what that was about.  Who cared.  He needed more, he needed something to fill empty reserves: alarm or fear or anything else.  Anything else at all.

"You're not normal," Casey whispered, careful to keep his tone from giving everything away even as his teeth grazed RJ's lip.  "You and your wolf--"  He ran his fingernails over shoulderblades covered only by a thin t-shirt.  "What do you do, double-team the non-magicals?"

Sure enough, RJ's fear spiked.  But he liked the petting; he liked teeth, and the scratching made his whole body tremble.  He was breathing hard, one little sliver of very noticeably absent focus poking at Casey as the man tried to stay quiet.  Tried not to make any noise.  Tried not to shake and failed, concentrated harder...

Drawing his attention away from Casey.

"I'm not normal either," Casey breathed in his ear.  Fingernails bit into RJ's back and a tiny whimper made it past his guard.  "You can keep your secrets, RJ.  I just want you."

That was what he wanted to hear.  It wasn't fear that surged in RJ's mind now.  His thoughts were everywhere--into everything about Casey, from his hands to his mouth to how his hair would feel under someone else's fingers.  Fear was fast and creepy, if terribly strong, but this...

This was desire.  Casey pushed him harder, backing RJ into a table, lifting both hands to his face instead when a flash of irritation let him know this wolf didn't like to be cornered.  Casey forced his fingers to be gentle in the too-long hair, leaning in to let his teeth graze that mouth again.

And RJ arched against him.  He was panting, so close to a moan that Casey bit his lip without thinking.  RJ shuddered, silent except for his breath, but Casey could feel the heat raging in his mind.  He could feel the concentration, the confusion, the overarching sense of fuck everything, I just want this.

He'd be an amazing lay.  Casey should have backed off as soon as he realized, should have made nice and apologized and pretended chagrin, because RJ didn't just want him.  RJ was willing to want him.  RJ had emotions like the sun under that absent-minded exterior, and right now they were burning so bright Casey couldn't look away.

He was hungry.  He was so hungry; he couldn't back off.  Even the promise of more later if he didn't alienate RJ now wasn't enough to make him stop because he had this now.  He had RJ's undivided attention.  He had lust and love and protection, recognition, fear for him when a bell sounded somewhere and RJ turned his head, cupping the back of Casey's and pressing it against his neck.

Casey kissed his skin, breathing in warmth and ferociousness as RJ snarled.  He liked it.  He liked the vibration and the pressure against his back as RJ pulled him closer, startlingly strong.  He didn't know what RJ thought the threat was, but he liked being defended and he heard the wolf growl and then Jarrod's voice--

Casey stiffened.  He should have known Jarrod was there.  He should have been able to tell.  He was too out of it tonight--today--to be risking a long-term hunt with an idle attack like this.

On the other hand, he hadn't known it could be a long-term hunt until RJ had lit up like a feast of fire under his hands.  He should have kissed him last night.  He should have walked him home last night, come inside, and made out with him like this.  Just sleeping with RJ probably could have kept him going all day.

"It's fine," RJ was saying.  "Casey--"

He'd thought RJ was talking to him, until he said his name and his voice softened.  "It's fine," RJ whispered, "it's okay."  Then, abruptly, he growled, "Don't.  It isn't his fault."

"Then take it out back," Jarrod's voice said evenly.  "The restaurant's open, RJ."

The bell.  The one on the counter.  Jarrod must have hit it when he came out of the kitchen.  On purpose, to let them know he was there?  Casey hadn't noticed.  More than that, he hadn't been aware of the mental crackle until Jarrod's anger made the room light up.  RJ obviously felt it too, hackles up as he moved to defend Casey: physically and verbally.

Awesome.

"Sorry," he muttered, letting his forehead rest on RJ's shoulder for a moment.  The energy in the room was ridiculous.  Two people shouldn't be able to do that, not unless they had serious history.  He tried to sound embarrassed as he pulled away.  "I'll go."

"No," RJ said sharply.  "He has a spirit, Jarrod.  I must have... triggered it.  Accidentally.  The fact that it made him kiss me instead of knock me down means he's more trustworthy, not less.  I'd appreciate it if you would... back off."

"He's not exactly apologizing," Jarrod pointed out.

Casey didn't know what they were talking about but he recognized someone trying to make excuses for him when he heard it.  "I'm sorry," he repeated, pulling away.  RJ released him reluctantly, and Jarrod's focus had cleared his mind enough that he could see what was happening.

Jarrod didn't have a problem with him unless he went too far.  RJ liked it when he went too far.  RJ owned his place of employment, but Casey reported to Jarrod.  Most personal power struggle ever and here he was, in the room with two people who were not only facing off... they were facing off over him.

After a night of frustration and a lot more isolation than he'd counted on, he couldn't have asked for a better start to the day.

"Sit down," RJ said quietly.  "We need to talk."

They definitely didn't.  RJ was calming down almost preternaturally fast, which was annoying to Casey and apparently reassuring to Jarrod.  Which was even more annoying to Casey.  Why was everyone around here so quiet?

"You want help?"  Jarrod was looking at RJ, not Casey, and Casey didn't know whether he should be offended by the question or not, since he had no idea what it meant.  Jarrod was just as weirdly fast to come down, and Casey wondered if it had something to do with the way their energy flared.

"I can't stay," Casey blurted out.  He would come back if he could, because they were great when they were on.  But if this was even remotely salvageable he couldn't stay now, because trying to wind them up again--and he would, instinctively; he wasn't that satisfied--would pretty much guarantee that it wasn't.  "School."

He saw RJ glance in the direction of the clock, saw Jarrod frown, and felt the wolf press up against his leg when he tried to slip away.  He curled his fingers around the wolf's ear, patting the back of his head.  He deliberately didn't look at RJ.

"Don't do that," Jarrod said sternly, and Casey lifted wide eyes in his direction.  When their gazes met, Casey held up his hands.  Interesting.  Jarrod knew, then, about RJ's connection to his "dog."

"Jarrod."  RJ's voice was uncompromising.  "It's all right."

Casey would have loved to see another showdown, but he wasn't trying to break them.  He wanted the heat that came from friction, not the cold of cracking.  He obviously didn't have enough control to keep them on that edge, though, so either he let it explode or he made himself scarce.

"I'll--"  He pointed toward the door.  "I have to go.  I'll... see you this afternoon."

"Casey."  RJ stopped him before he could sidle within reach of freedom.  "I--your..."  He paused, frowning.  He seemed aware that he wasn't actually saying anything, and it confused him as much as anything Casey had done.  "Will you--are you sure you're not a cat person?"

Casey blinked.

RJ came over to the door, hand lifted as though to stop him.  Or say something.  Or... touch his face.  He laid his hand on Casey's cheek and just stood there for a moment, staring at him.  Casey had the uncomfortable feeling that RJ might be looking deeper into him than he really wanted him to go.

"Have a good day at school," RJ said at last.

Casey managed a smile.  "Make me some pizza."

RJ had to stop the wolf from following him out the door.

8) Work Done by a Constant Force

Casey wasn't scheduled until five, so it was Lily who broke the news at the beginning of her shift.  "Casey never showed at school," she announced, whirling into the kitchen to grab her hat and apron from the pegs.  "What did he do, incur the wrath of the masters?"

She was joking.  Or at least, she was pretending to joke so that if she was wrong she wouldn't get in trouble.  Theo, who came into the kitchen right behind her, didn't look like he was kidding around at all.

RJ didn't realize he'd stopped moving until he had trouble getting the words out.  "I'm... sorry?"  That wasn't the question.  That wasn't even a question, traditionally speaking, although he'd managed to make it one.

He tried again.  "I thought you just said Casey wasn't in school today."  Still not a question, he noted absently.  But this time Lily understood, so he supposed the point had been made.

"Because he wasn't," Lily agreed.  "He didn't say anything to you this morning?  What was he doing here, anyway?  Who stops by the pizza parlor on their way to school?"

RJ saw Theo give her an amused look behind her back, and Lily rolled her eyes as though she could feel it.  "I mean, other than us," she said, glancing at Theo.  "What normal high school kid gets out of bed in time to stop at JKP before class?"

"He said he isn't normal," RJ mused, trying to remember something else entirely.  Casey had said he was going to school, hadn't he?  Or had he just--he was very good at misdirection.  At refocusing people's attention without anyone noticing he'd changed the subject.

"He's in high school," Theo grumbled.  "Of course he isn't normal.  What teenager thinks they're normal?"

"Casey has an animal spirit," RJ remarked.  Partly to see what they'd say, and partly because they would need to know.  "But I don't think that's what he was talking about."

No... Casey had been talking about the way he knew what RJ was thinking.  He was sure of it.  He'd been talking about the way he saw the connection between RJ and Wolf without even looking for it.  He'd been talking about the way he recognized the wolf, period.

"He has an animal spirit?" Lily repeated, exchanging glances with Theo again.  "Which one?  How do you know?  Does he know?"

"I'm... not sure," RJ admitted.  He stared absently at the oven in front of him, wondering in retrospect at Casey's list of guesses when it came to the wolf.  Familiar?  Totem?  Shapeshifter?  Was that the voice of someone who knew their spirit?  Or the voice of someone who didn't even know other people's?

"You're not sure about what?" Theo demanded.  "His animal spirit, or him?"

"Both," RJ said.  "Or rather, neither," he added, tilting his head.  "But he showed up looking exhausted, and I tried to--the wolf wanted to..."  He trailed off with a shrug.  "His spirit heard mine."

"They heard each other?"  Lily looked like she was trying to match that against any similar phrase that might have come up in her training.  "What does that mean?  His heard yours?  Is that good?  How come you can't tell what it is?"

"Well, it's not... usually good," RJ said, considering.  "At least for unknowing people involved.  Latent spirits tend to react poorly to being disturbed.  I was lucky in that respect.  Although you may find that Jarrod isn't quite... speaking to me right now."

"Why not?" Theo wanted to know.

RJ frowned again.  "Are you sure he wasn't in school?"

"Maybe he skipped because of whatever happened with his spirit?" Lily suggested.  "I wasn't much good for anything when mine first manifested.  And he's a little old to have just met his spirit, isn't he?  I mean, they said I was old when I started, and Casey's got a year on me now."

"Maybe it didn't show itself for a reason," Theo muttered.

"Maybe you should be out on the floor," RJ said, lifting his hand in a half-hearted shooing motion as he turned away.  "You know, where the customers are.  Alone, at the moment."

"When's Casey supposed to be here?" Theo asked.

"You know where the schedule is," RJ called over his shoulder.  He kept his head in the walk-in, which he specifically told everyone not to do, until he heard the door swing shut behind them.  Then he straightened, letting the freezer close, and stared down at his hand.

Casey's number was faded from soap and water and eco-friendly cleaners, but it was still a readable scrawl across RJ's palm.

He isn't technically late, he reminded himself.  So he isn't here.  He isn't supposed to be here for another two hours.  And maybe RJ had heard he wasn't in school, but it wasn't like Casey had said anything to him... what business was it of his, anyway?  Casey's boss had no reason to contact him right now.

On the other hand, he had Casey's number written right there, on his skin.  By Casey himself.  That didn't exactly scream "leave me alone."

He went over to the phone before anyone else could walk in and make him change his mind.  Casey picked up just as RJ was wondering what his voice mail might sound like.  "This is Casey."

"Indeed," RJ said, uncomfortable as soon as the connection was made.  He still didn't have any reason to be calling.  "It's RJ."

"Oh, hey."  Casey's tone warmed noticeably.  "I was just thinking about you."

"I was just... hearing about you," he replied.  "Lily and Theo just showed up for their shift."

"Talking about me?"  Casey sounded amused.  "I haven't seen them since yesterday; I can't imagine what they're saying."

"That they haven't seen you since yesterday," RJ told him.  "I thought you were... going to school, this morning?"

"Couldn't."  Casey sounded almost apologetic.  "I'm in Cayman.  Have you seen the news at all?  Big fire at the Grassy Knoll apartments; they're calling in first responders from all over.  I'm registered as a ridealong with the EMTs."

RJ had already pushed through the door into the restaurant proper.  Fran kept telling him to get a cordless, but this phone cord stretched almost anywhere he needed it to go.  Right now he was staring up at the TV behind the counter--Theo always switched it to news when he came in, and sure enough, the ticker at the bottom of the screen was running updates on the five-alarm fire at Grassy Knoll.

"Problem?" Theo asked, but RJ was talking to Casey again.

"Are you all right?  Are you at the hospital or in an ambulance?  Have you been there all day?"  He didn't realize until after he'd said it how it would sound to everyone else, and he tried to wave Theo and Lily off as they gathered around him.

"I'm fine," Casey's voice replied.  "I'm at the scene; we're trying to keep the firefighters cool.  I should be out of here in time for my shift, no problem."

"I'm not worried about your shift," RJ told him.  "How are you--"  Lily's wide eyes finally made him break off, stopping in the middle of a sentence to say, "He's fine; he's over there."  He waved vaguely at the TV ticker, which was unfortunately running under a water park commercial at the moment.

"Look, the hospital called me this morning," Casey said in his ear.  "I excused myself from school; I'm not a dependent, I can do that.  I'll be in to work as soon as I can get a ride back, okay?"

He had no idea what Casey was dealing with, or who he might be surrounded by at the moment.  But RJ had upset him somehow, and all previous experience with Casey suggested that was hard to do.  "What kind of pizza do you want?" RJ asked.

There was a moment of startled silence, and he thought he heard laughter in Casey's voice when he said, "What?"

"You told me to make you pizza," RJ said patiently.  "This morning, before you left.  What do you want on it?"

"Extra cheese and tomato," Casey said.

RJ smiled.  "Ah, a purist."

"Yeah, that sounds better than 'boring'," Casey agreed.  "Sorry, I gotta go.  See you in a couple hours."

"Whenever you get here is fine," RJ told him.

Casey's voice was warm even when he was distracted.  "Bye, RJ."

The beep let RJ know he'd hung up, but he murmured "adios" anyway.  Out of habit.  Or because it maintained the illusion of connection for an extra second or two.

"Casey?" Theo asked.

"Is he okay?" Lily demanded.  "What happened?"

"He's perfectly fine," RJ said, for the benefit of any customers who might be listening in as he leaned back through the kitchen door to hang up the phone.  "Apparently he's with the EMTs responding to the fire in Cayman.  He said he'd registered as a ridealong when he moved to town?"

Lily and Theo exchanged glances.  "A ridealong?" Theo repeated.

"Never heard of it," Lily said.

RJ shrugged.  "Presumably, one who... rides along?  He's still planning to be in at five; I suppose we can ask him then."

"Is that before or after we make him pizza?" Theo wanted to know.

"I'll make the pizza," RJ said calmly.  "In fact, I have a novel idea.  If you do your jobs, then I'll do mine and we'll call it even.  Deal?"

He didn't wait for them to reply.  "Deal," he told himself.  "Ah.  Excellent.  Carry on."  And he retreated to the kitchen before they could ask him any more questions he didn't know the answers to.

9) Gravitational Potential Energy

"You need the apartment tonight?" Kevin asked as they pulled up outside JKP.

Casey glanced through the windshield at the second floor of the building.  There was a lot of space up there.  He doubted RJ and Dom were actually roommates, in the literal sense of the word.  "Nah," he said.  "I'll see you in the morning."

Kevin held out his fist, and Casey bumped it with his own.  "Call if you change your plans," Kevin said.  "I'm gonna have a little party."

Casey shook his head in mock-sadness.  "And not inviting your best friend.  That's rude, you know."

"I'll keep it quiet," Kevin said with a smirk.

Casey pushed the door open and climbed out, lifting a hand before he slammed it behind him.  Kevin honked loudly as he drove away, and Casey grinned at the flash of irritation it provoked from a scattering of courtyard patrons.  Just flavor, really.  He was having a good day.

"Casey!"  Lily accosted him the second he stepped into the pizza parlor.  "You have to settle a bet, okay?  It's multiple choice.  Did you, A, not kiss RJ last night?  B, kiss him goodnight?  C, kiss him more than once?"

She was practically vibrating, eyes bright and her curiosity brighter.  This was only the opening salvo, and it made him laugh.  She was going to be fun.  "Are those the only choices?" he teased.  "Did he tell you I was here this morning, too?"

Her delight was easy and directable.  "That's a separate bet," she said, bursting with amusement at his laughter.  "It involves what you could possibly have done to piss Jarrod off so much.  RJ says they're not speaking."

"Really," Casey drawled.  "I didn't even talk to Jarrod this morning."

"You all right, Casey?"  Theo's question was delivered in passing, but he turned to walk backward and he slowed enough to hear the answer.  He actually wanted to know.

"Yeah," Casey said, lifting his chin.  "Thanks."

Theo just nodded, turning again to keep going.

"Yeah, what's a ridealong?" Lily wanted to know, keeping pace with him as Casey headed for the kitchen.  "You go and help out the EMTs, or what?  And since when do you get out of school for it?"

"I happen to think there are things in the world more important than missing a few classes," Casey said.  "Being a volunteer first responder is one of them.

"Hey, RJ," he added, pulling his hat off its hook and tossing his bag under the stairs.  "Where's my pizza?"

"In the oven," RJ said over his shoulder.  He wasn't looking, but he was totally focused on every move Casey made.  Casey smiled to himself, looking down at his waist while he tied his apron.  "You're early."

"I wanted to make sure I had time to try some before my shift started," Casey offered.  "You take dinner at six, right?  I figured I better get here early if I wanted to eat before seven."

RJ moved around to the other side of the table, glancing up as he did so.  When his gaze landed on Casey, though, it lingered.  "I think anyone who spent the day at a disaster scene is entitled to a few extra minutes to eat."

Casey thought so too.  After all, that was what the disaster scene was for.  Now he was looking for dessert.

"In that case," he said cheerfully, "I'll start now and take my extra minutes whenever the pizza's ready.  You need help, Lily?"

"Could you load the Hobart?" she asked.  "Sorry, it's just, the dishes have been piling up.  We'll give you the next table."

"No, hey, keep 'em," he assured her.  "Unless you and Theo want help out there, it looks like you've got it under control.  I'll just do whatever you haven't gotten to until we're caught up."

"We'll share our tips," Lily promised, already pushing out the door again.  "Oh--so which is it?"  She paused in the doorway, looking at him expectantly.  "A, B, or C?"

"A," Casey told her, grinning at her groan of disappointment.  "Sorry.  You should have bet on the other thing."

"Really?"  She perked up.  "Well, that explains a few things."  She gave RJ an impudent look that he didn't seem to notice.

He definitely did notice, he just didn't seem to.  Casey could feel the low-key hum of the kitchen today, more subtle than muffled after the boost from Grassy Knoll.  He could feel it all, and he could do whatever he wanted with it.

He'd already decided what he wanted.  And after this morning, he had no doubt that getting it was going to be fun.

"Tough day," RJ remarked, eyes on the table again.  Still aware.  Still watching, somehow.  He could feel RJ's attention like he could feel the sun warming his back when he stepped outside.

"A little," Casey said, shoving the Hobart open and hauling the tray inside out.  There was one more ready to go, so he slid it in and slammed it shut again.  "Feels good to help out, though."

"Sorry to... call you," RJ said awkwardly.  "I guess that was bad timing."

"Are you kidding?"  Casey glanced back at him.  "That was great timing.  I really was thinking of you right then.  You couldn't have given me a better present than actually talking to you."

RJ had his back to him, but Casey saw him tilt his head.  "Not everyone finds talking to me that enlightening," he said, with some amount of humor.

"Not everyone knows a good thing when they see it," Casey countered.  "Their loss."

"Are you always this... smooth?" RJ asked.  Still not looking at him.

"Yup," Casey said cheerfully.  "My roommate makes fun of me all the time.  I can't help it, though; it's like you with pizza.  It's actually harder not to do it."

"Do you ever not?" RJ wondered.  He looked back for a moment, and their eyes met.  Totally worth waiting for, Casey thought.

"Sometimes," Casey admitted.  "When I'm not talking."  Interesting question.

He could tell RJ thought it was an interesting answer.  "Do you ever not talk?"

Casey laughed, because that was probably a better question than he knew.  "It's rare," he said, like he was joking.  He wasn't.  "Hey, hey, hey--did you just put bananas on that?"

"Everything is better with bananas," RJ told him.  "Do you know you have a tiger totem?"

"The king of the silent hunt?" Casey retorted, banging another rack into place and grinning over his shoulder.  "Oh yeah, that's definitely me."

"Ah," RJ said, looking up at just the right moment.  "So you know something about animal medicine."

Their eyes met, and Casey said, "I know that wolves bond fast.  They communicate through body language and vocal inflection instead of actual words.  They mate for life, and they go out of their way to avoid trouble or danger."

RJ stared at him for a long moment, not moving.  When he said quietly, "Avoiding danger has never been something the wolf and I had in common," Casey thought it was obvious he shared the wolf's main character trait: insight.

"What's life without a little risk?" Casey said lightly.  "I'll be the passion and the sensuality if you be the spirit and the guardian."

He could totally have made a move on that expression if the Hobart hadn't beeped, signaling the end of the brief sterilization cycle.  Casey slid the clean tray out, put another dirty one in, and figured the original tray was cool enough to unload by now.  Grabbing up the pizza cutters, he offered them in RJ's direction.

"You know the tiger," RJ said.  Instead of reaching for the cutters, he stepped to one side and waved at the table.

"Yup," Casey agreed, happy to step into RJ's workspace.  He'd taken an anthropology class at one of their many high schools.  "Me and the tiger, we go way back."

"I see," RJ said quietly.  The sense of suppressed excitement coming from him was at odds with his tone, his demeanor--everything about him.  Casey was coming to realize that, dramatic though RJ might sometimes be, he rarely acted the way he felt.

"Well," he was saying, "that should... reassure some of the others."

Casey smiled, because RJ felt satisfied, smug, relieved, and playful all at once.  He would have tried harder to engage the playful part if he wasn't so curious.  "The others?"

"Everyone here," RJ said.  "We all know our totems.  Well, except for Fran, but she really likes pizza and Dom really likes her and you know how that goes."

He was guessing he did, because RJ thought this was important.  This was a big secret, somehow, this idea of animal totems and "knowing" them.  He didn't know why someone couldn't just teach Fran, but if she worked here because Dom liked her then Casey assumed he had been working here because RJ liked him.

Except that RJ hadn't hired him.  Jarrod wasn't speaking to RJ, Lily had said.  And Jarrod had been nicer than ever last night... while Casey was showing off.  It wasn't about his friend at all, Casey realized.

Jarrod didn't like him until he went too far with RJ.  Jarrod just liked him.

10) Conservative and Nonconservative Forces

"Problem," RJ said, bounding up into the loft with the wolf at his side.  They'd just been out for their evening walk, and he still had eighteen minutes left on his dinner break.  "Casey is a tiger.  He knows it.  He doesn't know what it means."

Dom was hunched over the table beneath the landing's paper lanterns, studying by colored light and the weird street glow through the roof.  He didn't look up at RJ's announcement.  "Uh-huh," he muttered absently.

"Also," RJ added, "I find myself preoccupied by a strange desire to... kiss him.  All the time.  That makes assessing his spirit level harder."

That got Dom's attention.  "What, you didn't get that out of your system this morning?" he asked, amused gaze settling on RJ.  "I thought you were totally making out with him when Jarrod interrupted you."

"It turns out that getting what I want once doesn't make it go away," RJ told him.  "Who knew?"

"So go mack on the boy," Dom said.  "It's not like he's gonna complain."

"You think?"  The question was out before he realized how it would sound: like he was actually considering it.  He frowned, adding, "It seems unprofessional."

That wasn't much better, and it made Dom grin.  "You planning to hang out after work again?"

"I don't know," RJ admitted.  "We haven't--it hasn't come up."

"Ask him," Dom advised.  "If he asked you yesterday, it's your turn.  Invite him up to watch a movie or something.  You can make out as long as you want."

Regardless of what Casey might want, that was a disturbingly appealing thought.  "He can't see the loft," RJ said uncertainly.  Or could he?  If Casey knew the tiger, it was possible that he'd had a Pai Zhua teacher at some point.  Whether he realized it or not.  And even if he hadn't, didn't the tiger bind him to the Order of the Claw closely enough that he--unlike Fran--would feel the compulsion to keep their secret?

"Why not?"  Dom waved out over the landing.  "You've got a basketball court.  Coolest bachelor pad ever.  You won't be able to get him to leave."

"Especially once he starts asking about all the training equipment and symbols of the animal spirits," RJ said, following his wave.

"It would be less obvious if the Order didn't put their stamp all over everything," Dom agreed, glancing around again.  "I think the bigger question is going to be what happens when he notices you have a matching tattoo?"

"He thinks I'm... rich and eccentric?" RJ suggested hopefully.

"And obsessed with physical fitness," Dom added.  "Can I just say again: basketball court?  I'm pretty sure he'll be willing to let a few other things slide."

It was good that Jarrod wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning.  He definitely wouldn't share Dom's careless attitude.  RJ shouldn't share it.  But by the time he went back down to the kitchen, his mind made up to keep his mouth shut, Lily was running the kitchen while Casey waited tables with Theo--and RJ made the mistake of going out to check on them.

Theo had apparently taken everything around the outside of the room, while Casey had the middle.  It was an odd strategy, but it seemed to be working for them.  Even a little too well.  Not that Theo wasn't that good--he could handle the entire floor at rush if he had to, and he had once--but Casey shouldn't be.  He didn't look harried or lost or even slightly confused.

None of his tables looked upset or impatient either.  This was, generously speaking, his third day on the job.  But he flowed between the tables easily, with a strange familiarity that took RJ a moment to recognize on his tall frame: Theo's.  Casey was imitating Theo.  He held his trays the same way, he even turned around pulled-out chairs the same way.

RJ watched thoughtfully from the counter.  Theo and Casey didn't exchange a single word, and maybe that was just now.  Maybe Theo had been training Casey while RJ was out back.  Maybe the way they didn't get in each other's way, effortlessly using the same aisles and never ending up in the same place at the same time... maybe that was just luck.

Or maybe Casey fit himself into the work environment at JKP exactly the way he insinuated himself into conversations with people he'd never met and had no reason to talk to.  The same way he showed up at a karaoke night he'd never been to before and went right to the head of the line.  The way he moved to a new town and had the hospital calling him to ride with their emergency services within a week.

The way RJ's little clan was somehow cheering him on instead of standing between them, the way they had with Dom and Fran.  And perhaps they had learned from that; maybe Dom threatening to leave to the point of actually packing his bags had made the clan back off, had made them realize that Ocean Bluff wasn't the jungle and everyone here was free to make their own choices.  But if Theo's was the loudest objection, and he was willing to be overruled...

There was something different about Casey.  It wasn't just his animal spirit, latent or not, that made him slip under their radar.  It was something that he did.  Something that he was.  And he knew it, too; he had told RJ he wasn't normal and he'd told him he couldn't help it.

"Hey," Casey said, swinging around him to the register.  "How was dinner?"

"Confusing," RJ said.  "You seem to be handling the evening crowd... quite well."

"I'm a quick study."  Casey tossed a grin over his shoulder, catching the register drawer without looking.  He even sounded like Theo.  "Did dinner itself confuse you, or was it something that happened while you were eating?"

"I was thinking about you," RJ admitted, studying him.

"Oh yeah?"  Casey turned to face him, cocking his hip against the counter while he counted out change.  "Well, I guess you're lucky, 'cause I'm available for questions all night long."  He slammed the drawer shut--again without looking--grinned at RJ, and headed back to table five.

RJ could hear him easily enough over the crowd.  "Here you go, ladies," Casey was telling them.  "Thanks for coming to JKP.  It was nice to meet you both, and I hope you have a great night."

"Thanks, Casey!" they chorused, then looked at each other and giggled.  RJ couldn't help but smile.  It wasn't like Casey's attention didn't make people happy.  Did it matter if he was good at what he did?

He supposed the answer depended on what exactly it was that Casey did.

"How is everything here?" Casey was asking table three.  Table four was engrossed in conversation, RJ noted.  Casey had skipped them on purpose.  "Food: thumbs up, thumbs down?  Can I get you anything else?"

When everyone at the table agreed that the pizza was excellent, Casey didn't so much as glance in RJ's direction as he said, "I'll convey your compliments to the chef."

RJ tilted his head, considering.  Had he ever seen Casey pass attention off to someone else?  Admittedly, they had just met, so he didn't have a lot to go on.  And Theo certainly didn't defer compliments when he could help it, so if Casey was imitating him--

"We're playing tonight," one of the girls at table three was saying.  "You should come and see us!"

"I don't get off until ten-thirty," Casey told her, every evidence of regret in his tone.  "Sounds really good, though."

"No, that's perfect!"  The girl protested.  "We won't be on until eleven, at least.  It's a late night but it's totally worth it.  If you tell them you're with the band, they'll give you free snacks."

That made Casey laugh.  "I'll come by after work, then.  Remind me before you go, okay?"

He'd told himself he wasn't going to ask.  He hadn't actually told Dom he wasn't going to ask, because he was pretty sure Dom would just try to talk him into it.  But he had definitely decided not to ask... until Casey made it clear that he wasn't waiting for him to do it.

"You have plans tonight?" RJ asked, trying to sound casual when Casey returned to the counter.  He tried to remind himself it wasn't any of his business.  It didn't work.

"Only if you do," Casey said, putting a hand on his shoulder as he leaned around RJ for a couple of menus.  An easy gesture, a definition of space more than anything: I'm behind you, don't step back.  But that brief touch was so welcome that it made RJ aware of the yawning loneliness, a sense of emptiness that his growing clan had yet to fill.

"No," RJ said, not really sure what that meant.  "I think I'll... stay in.  Watch a movie."

"Yeah?"  Casey's shoulder brushed his as he leaned against the counter, back to the room, eyes steady and brilliant on RJ's.  "Want some company?"

He didn't know how to look away.  He didn't know how to say no, even if he'd been planning to.  All he knew was that he'd been wrong, yesterday, when he told Casey he didn't play games, because he had done that on purpose.  It wasn't that he didn't want Casey to spend time with "the band"... it was more that he did want Casey to spend time with him.

"Yes," RJ said.  If Casey was offering, then he accepted.

"Sweet," Casey said, beaming at him.  "What are we watching?"

RJ pondered this.  "I have a particular preference for 'The Matrix,'" he remarked.  A character unplugged from the world he knew and trying to navigate the unfamiliar fabric of reality sounded just about right to him.

"A classic," Casey approved.  "You have good taste."

You're dating me, RJ thought.  One of us has to.

It wasn't until he was back in the kitchen that he realized Casey didn't divert attention from himself--only from subjects.  He didn't shift people's focus to someone else.  He just made sure they talked about whatever he wanted them to.

11. Power

Casey laughed as he crested the stairs to the loft for the first time, partly because it made RJ nervous and partly because it was awesome.  "You live in a--"  Was that a climbing net on the wall?  "It's not even a gym," Casey decided.  "You live on a playground!"

He could see RJ lifting his hands out of the corner of his eye.  "I like to have a lot of... space," he said mildly.  But he was worried.  He was seriously worried about this, and Casey couldn't imagine why.

"I can see that," Casey said with a grin.  "I bet the first thing everyone does when they come in here is pick up a basketball, right?"

RJ hesitated.  "I don't... have that many visitors."

Casey raised his eyebrows.  "That's not what I hear," he said, turning so his smile would make it sound less stalker-ish.  "Everyone says you have crazy visitors.  People no one knows, people no one's ever seen before."  People in costume, he added silently.  Guesses ranged from the SCA to secret casting agents.

"Well," RJ said, pushing his leopard-print bandana out of his hair, "I suppose everyone would call me a crazy visitor, if I didn't live here."  He buried his fingers in his hair and messed it up, like it bugged him to have it so slicked back.

"On the other hand," Casey said, taking a step back, "if you didn't live here, I wouldn't ask if you minded me grabbing a basketball.  I'd just ask if you wanted to play."

RJ smiled.  His relief was bright and cool, a wash of relaxation that stood out in sharp contrast to the edge Casey had kept him on for the last hour.  He'd gotten just close enough that RJ had wondered if he was going to ambush him, take advantage of the promised date to kiss him when no one else was watching--or when they were.  RJ didn't have any certainties on the subject.

Casey wasn't about to reassure him.  He'd made a few pointed comments about the loft, too, just because that seemed to wind RJ up in a totally different way.  All he had to do was tease him about home being where the truth was, and RJ would smile and look away.  While inside, he cringed.

It was funny, but Casey lost the desire to poke at that every time sneaking up on RJ made him stand up straighter.  RJ knew he was coming; Casey didn't doubt that.  He knew the difference between someone who stiffened in surprise and someone who straightened because they didn't want to give away the fact that they were taking a deep breath.  RJ breathed in every time he got too close, and he didn't get that at all because if it was attraction then his breath should get shorter... but he liked it.  Somehow he enjoyed playing with that reaction more than he liked watching RJ not-cringe.

"I don't suppose you have a curfew," RJ was saying, but he was also shrugging out of his chef's jacket and the white t-shirt he wore underneath was thin enough for serious heat.  Which Casey could totally bring.

"Yeah," he said, peeling off his JKP t-shirt to get at the shirt underneath.  "I tell myself to come home and sleep when I'm tired.  Otherwise I mind my own business."

He turned away, pretending modesty as he pulled off his long sleeves.  He had a club shirt in his bag, and he was absolutely willing to get it sweaty if RJ was willing to play.  "You saw me tired this morning," he said over his shoulder.  "When I start to look like that--"

Casey turned, yanking the shirt down over his head as he did so.  "You can kick me out," he finished.  Like he would ever look like that tonight.  RJ was staring at him, and he was riding high on a day full of energy and the promise of more to come.  He could do anything.

Grabbing a basketball from beneath the hoop by the landing, Casey bounced it between his legs and around behind his back as he eased slowly back toward half-court.  He didn't take his eyes off of RJ as he offered, "First one to five gets a kiss?"  He balanced the ball gently, lofting it back toward the basket.

He saw RJ smile when it went in, and he knew it was on.

He let RJ beat him to five the first time, both because he didn't want it to be an actual competition and because he knew RJ had been waiting for him to make a move ever since Theo went home.  So when RJ turned to him, triumphant, Casey laughed and put a hand on his stomach, kissing his mouth briefly.  Sweet, polite, reassuring.

And RJ ached.

Casey drew in a sharp breath, beaming as he dribbled out to half-court and started to come back.  "Best of three!" he called, glad the easy exercise covered his flush.  RJ's disappointment was cute and pretty and just a glaze over something so deep and vast it started to feed him the moment he touched it.

RJ yearned with an inhuman strength.  Maybe he should have asked how deep that wolf connection went.  But it didn't feel like an animal passion.  It felt--it--he didn't even know.  He had no idea what it was.

It felt good.

"I'm afraid two more games won't do any good," RJ was saying.  Perfectly calm.  His tone was normal, not even out of breath as he blocked Casey from the basket.  "I have considerably more opportunity to practice than you."

Casey laughed, ducking to one side and coming back, not surprised when RJ didn't fall for the feint.  That deep and abiding loneliness sang between them, rushing into everything like wind through the trees, fierce and cold and clean.  He was only getting stronger.

"Sure," he teased, with a futile hip check that didn't get him any breathing room.  Like he wanted it.  "Whatever you say."  If they had a shot clock it would be winding down, so he took his chance, saw it deflected harmlessly by RJ's hands, and chased the man to half-court for the sheer fun of it.

It was possible that he hadn't actually been letting RJ win the first time.  Casey watched, amused, as RJ blew through his guard again and again.  The fourth time he decided he could at least make it fair--or unfair--by staring RJ down when their eyes met accidentally.

He felt RJ freeze, just for a second, and the wind whipped across his skin so hard he didn't know how it wasn't touching RJ's hair.  "Your eyes," RJ murmured.  He sounded like he'd meant it to come out normally and he wasn't sure why it hadn't.

"Yeah," Casey agreed, holding his gaze.  He stayed loose, ready to go either way if RJ got it together enough to try and shove past him with the ball.  "They're weird, huh?  They're like the opposite of everyone else's.  They get lighter when I'm excited."

While not entirely true, he could see that this fascinated RJ.  "Excited how?"

"Tick tock," Casey teased, batting ineffectively at the ball in his hands.  When he leaned for it, though, RJ swung the other way around him and took his shot.  Casey turned to watch--as it bounced off the rim and headed out of bounds.

RJ's first miss.  Casey loped after it, grinning.  They were even now, and he was really curious to know what RJ would do if he won.  He made another basket by the simple expedient of saying, "Too bad this tiger isn't bigger than his wolf," just as RJ went up to block and lost his balance.

It was harder when RJ controlled the pace, and it only took Casey twenty-three of the alloted twenty-four seconds to realize that he had an even bigger advantage than he realized.  Because RJ wanted him to win.  He made a good show of it, but the ball didn't go in and there was really only one explanation.

"Excited," he repeated, turning back to Casey without bothering to go after the ball.  "How?"

Casey laughed, a little high on a connection that had held since the end of the last game with nothing like the concentration it should have required.  "I'm only at four," he pointed out, grinning as RJ came closer.  "You want me to shoot again?"

RJ seemed to consider this.  "I'm willing to concede," he said at last.  "If you're willing to answer the question."

Oh, he was.  "Most people's eyes get darker when they want to kiss someone," he said breathlessly, playing it up a little and perfectly happy to see RJ's eyes illustrate the phenomenon.  "Like yours.  Now."

"It's just a game," RJ said, like he was reminding himself.

Casey held his gaze, neatly cutting off RJ's efforts to regain control of himself.  This strong, he could see it happening.  He could see that phenomenal focus ready to damp down everything in its path and he could disrupt it, a tiny distraction at exactly the right moment: he looped his fingers around RJ's wrist.

It had the twin effects of pressing warmth to the inside of his wrist, which RJ liked, and reminding him of restraint, which he hated.  "It was never just a game," Casey said quietly, and RJ's focus dissolved like darkness at dawn.

Casey didn't wait for him to find it again.  "Can I have my kiss now?"

"That... seems fair," RJ admitted.  He was cupping Casey's face, staring at his eyes, but Casey didn't worry.  A lot of people stared at his eyes.  The longer they looked, the more control he had.  And RJ wasn't exactly resisting as it was.

RJ's eyes disappeared as he lowered his gaze to Casey's mouth.  His lips brushed against Casey's and... lingered.  He didn't push.  He didn't draw away.  Casey was happy to oblige with another kiss, gentle and slow, soaking up RJ's curiosity, his trepidation, everything about him that wanted this and didn't know why.

The part of him that wanted it and did know why was even more interesting, but it was harder to understand.  Casey didn't bother... not now.  Not yet.

Instead, he let his hand drift across RJ's stomach.  Last time the response had been cold, sad, lost.  Something out of reach, maybe.  This time RJ's curiosity burned.  Casey felt his fingers clenching in that thin white t-shirt, and he closed his eyes as RJ's head tilted, lips parting against his even as the depth of his desire slammed home.

The pressure didn't ease when he closed his eyes.  RJ hadn't been drawn in by his gaze.  He opened his mouth, trying to catch his breath, and RJ slid in like something sweet melting into every available space.  Interested, insistent... not harsh.  Not dominating.  Assuming reciprocity.

Emotional.

Casey felt the urge to attack overwhelm him.

12) Collisions in Multiple Dimensions

His animal spirit howled.  RJ jerked away, horrified, and Casey just chuckled.  "Goes both ways, huh?"  His voice was low and rough and his hand didn't let go of RJ's shirt.  His eyes were exceedingly gold.

"Everyone will hear him," RJ said.  He couldn't make his voice any louder than a whisper.  Casey's eyes weren't light brown, and it wasn't just a distant tiger spirit that made him seem right and warm and welcoming.

"Your dog making a racket outside?" Casey asked pointedly.  The corner of his mouth quirked again, but he still didn't let go.  "You should bring him in."

Too-bright eyes were looking deep into his.  Through his thoughts, it seemed.  Into the connection he shared with his spirit.  "Come on, Wolf," Casey murmured.  "Come back to the loft."

And the wolf responded.  Like it was RJ talking to him, like he'd heard Casey somehow, he was turning around.  He was heading back this way.  That wasn't possible; that was--

"Come on," Casey repeated, forehead pressed up against RJ's as he let his fingers trail across skin: over his cheek, behind his ear, sliding past his jaw and down his neck.  "No more worrying.  I've had enough of that today."

His voice was low, gentle... hypnotic.  Like the touch of his fingers near RJ's face, as though he was stroking the words straight into his body.  Like those amber eyes, promising him that everything was going to be all right.

"Just be happy," Casey whispered, searching his gaze.  Maybe looking for the wolf.  Maybe just looking for some kind of response.  "There aren't enough happy people in the world."

For some reason--the words, or the touch, or... he didn't know what--he found himself smiling.  "Tell me why your eyes are funny."

"They let you know how much control I have," Casey murmured, winding his fingers into RJ's hair and then releasing it.  He smoothed his hand through the hair at the nape of his neck again, adding, "The lighter they are, the stronger I am."

RJ couldn't look away.  "You must be really strong right now."

Casey beamed, and it felt... wrong.  "I am," Casey agreed.  "Want to see how strong?"

He was nodding even if he wasn't quite sure why.

Casey leaned closer, that gaze releasing him even as he felt something warm and dangerous hovering--there--all around... in the air.  The danger surrounded him.  Moving wouldn't help.  He held as still as he could, careful... calm.  Controlled.

"Let's fuck," Casey breathed in his ear.

He felt his body react, noted the sudden surge of physical desire as though it came from someone else.  He held the panic at bay with relative ease, detaching the tenuous threads to his emotional self, but he couldn't do anything about his body.  He wondered, briefly, if the wolf would be any help at all when he finally arrived.  If he arrived.

"Ow, ow, geez, get away," Casey muttered, staggering back a step.  Two.

RJ stayed, very carefully, right where he was.  He could move.  That wasn't the problem.  He needed to think.  No.  He needed to not feel.

"Ow," Casey hissed, hands going to his head.  "Why are you all so quiet!"

RJ was good at not feeling.  Very.  Very good.

The wolf burst into the loft, snarling and mad and RJ saw Casey's attention shift to the animal in the corner like a magnet.  Reinforcements or no, the one thing he couldn't afford was to give Casey any more fuel.  This fire already had plenty to burn.  The last thing it needed was gasoline.

RJ waved his hand at the wolf and it disappeared as abruptly as it had come.  More abruptly, in fact, since he didn't have time for subtlety.  The wolf vanished into thin air, and Casey's gaze was already swinging back toward him when RJ found his voice.

"Don't look at me," he said evenly.

Casey stilled, gaze caught somewhere on the far wall.

"Don't move," RJ continued.  "I'm going to back away, and I want you to stay exactly where you are.  Looking at whatever you're looking at right now."

Casey opened his mouth, and RJ realized what he'd forgotten the moment he began to speak.  "I didn't mean to freak you out," Casey said quickly, the words almost tripping over each other in their haste.  "I know it's weird, I'm weird, I can't handle it sometimes, but I honestly thought you wanted--"

"Please don't speak," RJ said, as calmly as he could.  He had his eyes shut, counting his breaths, trying not to hear anything Casey said.  It was harder not to register his tone of voice: frantic, ashamed, apologetic.  Just a frightened kid who didn't know what he was.  What he could do.

That frightened kid could have decades on him.  That tone was calculated to be exactly what RJ wanted to hear.  And all it needed was a tiny flicker of sympathy, a brief ripple in the meditative calm RJ was supposed to be able to hold without effort, and it would be in control again.

He'd never seen eyes that light before.

"You told me," RJ said, taking a careful step backward, "that you can sometimes avoid using your powers when you're not talking."  He took another step.  It wouldn't do him any good if he lost control with someone like that in the room.  But his body needed the physical distance from... well, Casey.

"Nod if that's true," RJ continued, wary of looking at him directly.  He stared over one shoulder, and he saw Casey's head bob up and down.

"Obviously I can't believe that," RJ said.  He tried not to see Casey's shoulders slump, tried to look away, but he had to keep an eye on him somehow.  "But since I seem significantly more susceptible when you're talking, I think you should probably stay quiet."

He saw Casey swallow, and why was he looking closely enough to notice that?  Why was he staring at Casey's neck when he nodded again, unprompted this time?  Why could he see the little flecks of glitter in the slightly damp shirt that clung to Casey's shoulders?

He could see Casey wincing.  Saw his finger lift, tentatively, pointing in RJ's direction.  He looked like he was afraid RJ was going to hurt him, but he straightened his fingers and pushed his hand toward the floor in a clear "lower" gesture.

"You can feel that," RJ said with a sigh.  So much for meditative calm.  He didn't need to see Casey's tiny nod to know it was true.

"Well."  RJ looked away, because if Casey was going to make him a puppet he might as well do it and spare RJ the agony of figuring this out himself.  "I may not know exactly what you are, but given your treatment of me, I can't in good conscience let you go.  Since I'm inescapably attracted to you, presumably by your own doing, I also can't keep you here.

"I don't really know what that leaves," RJ told the net on the far wall.  "But since I won't involve anyone else, and I don't dare ask you for your input, the only thing I can think of is to ask your tiger."

Casey's head tilted minutely, and when had he started looking at Casey again?  He tore his gaze away, trying to find the focus to call the wolf back.  Hopefully RJ's state of mind and relative safety would mean the spirit appeared stable and without any ability to feed Casey's frightening appetite.

He didn't turn toward the wolf this time.  Unfortunately, RJ couldn't tell if that was because he didn't want to or because RJ had told him not to.  "Can you make your tiger manifest?" RJ asked.  If he couldn't... this wouldn't necessarily be comfortable for him.

Casey's head moved side to side.  No.

RJ felt a brief flash of despair, saw Casey take a deep breath--obviously sensing it--and he reminded himself that this boy could have raped him without giving it a second thought.  That was just what they did.  Positive emotion, negative emotion, it didn't matter.  Strong was strong, and that was all they needed.

Casey's eyes were closed while RJ and the wolf approached.  RJ didn't know why and he told himself that he didn't want to.  "I would appreciate it," RJ said softly, "if you would keep your eyes closed and try to refrain from... hitting me."

He heard Casey swallow this time, but he just nodded.

RJ glanced at the wolf, and time began to go wrong.  That one look stretched too long... too much time, too inattentive, Casey could strike now and there would be nothing either of them could do.  But when he looked back at Casey, still frozen in front of him, his hand went to Casey's chest and--like a tape skipping--the tiger was kissing him again and he was filled with that terrifying sense of wholeness.

No.  Please.  He couldn't have this, he had to...  NO.

I'll lose it, he thought despairingly.  I can't.

We're dying to live, the tiger told him.

Casey was screaming.  On his knees in front of RJ, the tiger ripping and roaring at the air between them as RJ tried to drag it out... to make it answer.  He let go in a heartbeat, shocked, sickened at the pain they were capable of inflicting.  Disgusted with himself that it had ever seemed the logical decision.

The wolf stood by, still and steadfast, as the tiger snapped back and Casey fell.

13) Other Forms of Energy

Thank god for pain.  RJ was a master of sensory deprivation, and the truly aggravating thing was that he didn't even seem to know what he was doing.  Don't move, don't talk, close your eyes, and I'll just stand here and make myself psychically invisible.

On the plus side, he now knew two things he hadn't before.  One, RJ was a lot faster than he looked.  Mentally and physically.  And two, they weren't kidding about this totem thing.

The tiger, huh?  He had the weirdest urge to growl at the memory of it being pulled away.  It was an urge that had everything and nothing to do with remembered pain.  Because he had hurt, he knew that, he'd felt it, but it hadn't left any traces on his body.  He was instinctively trying to heal and there was nothing to heal.

"I can't stop you, can I."  RJ's voice sounded resigned.  His tone belied his anxiety, the sorrow and sympathy that underlaid utter chaos in his head.

"I'm hungry," he snarled.  He blinked at the way it came out, trying to moderate his voice a little.  "I hurt," he said, more steadily, "and I'm hungry.  Since at least one of those is your fault, you can either pay attention to me or find someone who will."

His awesome high from earlier was totally gone, drained in an instant by the wolf or the tiger or the struggle between the two.  Or maybe washed out by the effort to heal something that wasn't broken.  He didn't know, but it sucked, and he wasn't going to get over it quickly.

"I don't seem to have much of a choice."  RJ was odd and fuzzy now, and he couldn't tell if that was him or RJ.  They were sitting on the couch--or rather, RJ was sitting at one end of the couch, and he was sprawled over everything else.  Plus RJ.

He felt fingers combing through his hair again, and this time there was an accompanying wisp of affection that made him arch his back and push his head higher in RJ's lap.  "Oh, that," he murmured, feeling fondness drift around him.  "More, please."

"Are you purring?"  RJ sounded faintly amused, but the feeling that followed his fingers was pure delight.

"Big cats don't purr," he informed RJ.  "Only cheetahs.  'Cause they're wildcats."

Casey.  It came back to him in a flash, and he felt a part of him he hadn't been consciously aware of relax.  He was Casey Rhodes.  He could stop waiting for RJ to say his name now.

"I can tell you that both lions and jaguars make a sound that is very much like purring," RJ remarked.  "I can also tell you that whatever you were doing right there could have easily been mistaken for a purr."

"Don't think about them," Casey said irritably.  "Think about me."

RJ went very still underneath him.  "Them who?"

"Them anyone who isn't me," he snapped.  "I may not be much of a threat to you like this, but I'm also not the best company, so don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to."

RJ didn't hesitate--and wasn't that weird, that the pauses in his conversation were never normal ones.  He stopped before the easiest answers and plowed right through the hard ones.  "I may not want it to be true," he said, "but I want to hear it.  Tell me what you know."

And he was silent again, like he wasn't even there and the fact that he was talking didn't help.  Casey might as well have been alone.  He knew he was stiff, but he hadn't lunged off the couch and bolted for freedom yet and that had to count for something.  "If you knew how annoying that was," he said through gritted teeth, "you wouldn't do it."

"I think I would."  Despite his words, a flicker of amusement bled through the dark, locating him again even as Casey latched onto it.

"You wouldn't," Casey whispered, curling into himself in an effort to look as pathetic as possible.  There was nothing behind that amusement; it was superficial and fleeting.  RJ's mind was still again.  Like Casey didn't exist.

RJ's fingers twisted against his skin, the back of his hand laying against forehead like he was checking for a fever.  "What does it feel like?" he asked reluctantly.  As though the words had been dragged out of him.

He knew full well Casey was going to make a play for his sympathy, and he still asked.  He still gave him that opening.  Casey would have figured he wasn't as smart as he seemed if it weren't for the fact that he so obviously didn't want to do it.  He acted like he had to, like Casey was staring at him--except that he'd been so careful, so painstaking in his efforts to avoid Casey's line of sight.

"Nothing," he breathed, folding his arms over his head as he tried to make himself even smaller.  "It's like nothing."  He couldn't get anything from RJ, RJ had to know it, and RJ would expect him to run.  To try to escape.  It was still an open question how far the man would go to stop him, but Casey was pretty sure this was one of those times when the wolf would listen to RJ over him.

He could hear RJ frowning.  "I don't... understand."

He felt concern, quickly stifled, and his fingers clenched in his hair as even that comfort was denied.  "What does it matter?" he hissed, unable to whine any longer.  He hoped his arms muffled his tone a little.  "You know I'm just waiting for your reaction.  You won't believe anything I say."

There was a long moment where he could actually tell RJ was thinking.  He bit his tongue in an effort not to poke, prod, or prompt, because that awful muffling sensation might return faster than he could put the words together.  He didn't know how RJ was so good at not listening, but it had to have something to do with the way he could detach on command.  Don't feel, RJ.  Bang.  Done.

"You need a reaction," RJ said at last.  "I understand that.  I just... don't want you to know what it is."  His voice was light, amused, but his thoughts were confused and uncertain.

Still.  Better than nothing.

"You can't fake it," Casey growled, not lifting his head.  He knew RJ could see his white knuckles, hoped he had any idea at all how close Casey was to knocking him out and running for it.  "You can't pretend; it doesn't work like that."

"Why not?"  RJ's easy tone was sharp underneath, and Casey caught his breath.  Angry?  "It seemed to work like that before.  I mean, I'm not trying to make assumptions here, but I'm pretty sure you were trying to pretend me right into bed."

"I tried to induce something that I thought was already there," Casey snapped.  "Fake is fake, it's like eating wax fruit.  There's no point."

If RJ were a normal person, he would have bristled: either at the implication in defense of his pride--of course it wasn't there--or, in true hierarchical fashion, at the confrontational tone--don't pretend you know more than me.  They could have argued.  RJ would have felt better for yelling at him and Casey would have gotten some attention and everything would have worked out just fine.

"I see," RJ said slowly.  Then he paused.

Casey groaned, pressing his face into his arms.  Of course RJ couldn't be normal.  "I hate you," he whispered into his sleeve.  He didn't mean it.  He certainly didn't mean for RJ to overhear.

The flash of hurt told him that nothing was going according to plan.

"I see," RJ repeated.  "So the problem seems to be that you hate me, and, if what you're saying is true, I... don't hate you very much at all."

"I don't hate you!" Casey burst out, flinging his arms away from his face.  He rolled before RJ could stop him, climbing RJ's chest in one fluid motion and bracing his hands against the couch on either side of RJ's head.  "Be afraid!  Be mad!  I don't care because I'm starving and you're just sitting there like, ha ha, look at this oven full of pizza you can't have!"

RJ was staring back at him, not moving.  The flush of shock was warming into something else, and Casey would have sworn the corner of his mouth quirked upward.  "Did you just compare me to pizza?"

"Okay, you're quicker than this and you're still looking at my eyes," Casey said, studying him.  He was very aware of RJ's interest, piqued by... who knew what.  "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"They're very dark," RJ remarked.  And if he thought that would keep him from falling victim to Casey's mood, he was seriously mistaken.  But instead he asked, "Does that mean you don't want to kiss me?"

Casey blinked.  "No."  He was startled into honesty.  "It means I can't make you want to kiss me."

RJ didn't look away.  "And yet I do."

"They don't actually generate the feeling," Casey told him.  "They just dissolve the inhibitions that keep you from acting on it."

RJ didn't say anything for a long moment, but the silence was all physical.  His emotions were right there, at the surface: curiosity, pleasure, hope... dread.  He was afraid of Casey, but he was even more intrigued--and he knew how stupid that was.  He was pleased by the attention.  He was dismayed by his own reaction.

"You're calmer," RJ said quietly.  "Is this helping, then?"

"You know it is."  Casey gazed down at him, the impulse to turn it up almost irresistible.  Like taking the first bite, and all you could think about was the next one.  He could just--if he--

"This may surprise you," RJ said, "but I'm not actually aware of every feeling I have.  I'm even less aware of how they might affect you.  So... no.  I don't know."

"You're lying," Casey told him.

RJ didn't so much as flinch.  "Are you trying to make me angry?" he asked curiously.  "Or do you have some reason to think that?"

Casey felt a reluctant smile tug at his lips.  He'd been looking for anger, but he'd take curiosity.  RJ's interest had never been a passing thing.  He wanted to know what he wanted to know, and he wanted to know in as much detail as possible.

"That," Casey said.  "That's why I thought that.  You know a lot about me all of a sudden."

"I've heard of people like you," RJ admitted.  "I've seen... pictures, but--I've never met one.  Anyone.  Who can do what you do."

Casey laughed.  "You've seen pictures?" he repeated, grinning down at RJ.  "What, like, in a book?  Like you studied us?"

He could feel RJ relaxing under him.  He shouldn't--and he knew he shouldn't--but he was letting himself be lulled.  Just like all the rest.  Casey could kiss him now and RJ would just close his eyes, tilt his head back, and let it go.  He would surrender.  Casey could pet him, stroke him into submission, make out with him until he figured out whether frustration or satisfaction was likely to be the stronger reaction.

"You'd be surprised," RJ murmured, "what happens when you start throwing around words like 'psychic vampirism' on the internet."

Casey paused, a breath away from his face.  And that was the problem, wasn't it.  RJ was just so... entertaining.

14) The Impulse-Momentum Theorem

He was majorly screwed.  He knew it, but in this case he was afraid that knowing wasn't half the battle.  In fact, if knowing gave him any edge at all, he'd be surprised enough to... well, maybe surprised enough to make Casey happy.

He couldn't let Casey leave.  Not without some reason to think he wouldn't go out and hurt the first person he ran into.  RJ hadn't heard anything lately that raised magical red flags, but then, Casey had probably been chasing him since he first arrived.  If RJ managed to evade him, Casey would just find another victim.

That was, at this point, a pretty big "if."  He could feel Casey's breath on his face, the smile in his voice when he said, "Oh?  I've never googled myself."

At least his eyes were closed.  He'd closed them when Casey leaned forward, and he didn't dare open them again.  Unfortunately, he was afraid Casey was right: he wasn't doing this.  RJ had fallen for him all by himself--I know that wolves bond fast--and hungry or not, Casey wasn't making him do anything he didn't already want.

"You want me," Casey murmured.  His cheek brushed RJ's, breath hot against his ear.  RJ felt his stomach tighten, his head falling back... welcoming a touch that would eat him alive.

"Here's a little... tip," RJ breathed, turning his face away as Casey's nose buried itself in his neck.  Not kissing.  Just touching.  "Since you're apparently missing some subtleties in your weakened state--don't sound so smug."

Casey's body shook as he chuckled, and he lifted his head to rub his cheek against RJ's jaw.  "Sorry.  My bad."  He wasn't kissing.  He wasn't using his mouth at all, except to talk, and RJ barely noticed until a soft sound tickled his ear.  A sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl.

A sound that could have easily been mistaken for a purr.

"Cat person," RJ whispered.

"Like the others," Casey murmured, not sounding at all surprised.  "Not you, though.  Is that weird?"

He had the biggest of big cats draped over him, the tiger whispering trust me in his ear, and he had no idea whether it was Casey or his animal spirit asking the question.  "I thought you didn't want me to think about them," RJ said.  Would the wolf help him keep the clan's secret if Casey pushed?  Or was the fact that Casey had a spirit himself enough to make Pai Zhua magic consider him a friend?

Casey had gone very still.  He sounded worried when he muttered, "Tell me what not to ask, okay?  I won't.  I swear.  I told you, I don't want your secrets."

"You just want me," RJ said with a sigh.

"Please."  Casey sounded frustrated.  "Don't do that.  You have no idea--what do you want, RJ?  Just tell me.  I can do it.  I can do whatever you want; I can make you feel anything."

Like he could stop him.  The most RJ could hope for now was that Casey was telling the truth, that he really didn't care about the rest of the clan and that somehow RJ could keep them out of this.  "So do it," he whispered to the darkness behind his eyelids.  "It doesn't matter."

"Why not?" Casey demanded.  "It mattered before!  Why doesn't it matter now?  How do you turn yourself off like that?  It's like you're not even here!"

RJ opened his eyes.  Casey's dark gaze was right there, waiting for him.  Staring, frantic... in pain.  He felt himself frown the slightest bit, felt Casey's grip on his shoulders tighten in response.  "Don't look at me," he murmured.

"Why not?" Casey repeated.  Taunting him.  "I thought it didn't matter!"

He had no desire to rise to the bait, and he considered that for a long moment.  Eyes, not currently hypnotic.  Good.  Pheromones: if present, not currently in effect.  Interesting.  Ability to emotionally manipulate his partner... all evidence suggested an all-time low.

"What changed?" RJ asked at last.  "Does it really feel better to have me annoyed with you than--pleased?"

"I didn't change!" Casey snapped.  "You changed!  I told you I don't care about your friends; what else do you want?  You want me to swear some kind of tiger oath?  Or do you want to torture me some more?"

RJ flinched.  He hadn't known how bad it would be.

"Is that how you make sure they stay loyal?" Casey demanded.  "Someone gets out of line, you take away their... their totem?  Is it just the taking away that feels like someone's tearing you apart, or does it hurt the whole time it's gone?"

Casey was gripping his shoulders like he wanted to shove him through the couch, his face so close that RJ's whole body was locked--against his will--in a fight-or-flight mode that he refused to engage.  "You want to try again?" Casey hissed.  "Show me what happens if I screw you over?"

RJ took advantage of the pause to murmur, "This is... interesting; do you prefer guilt to desire?  Is that a personal idiosyncracy, or is there something fundamentally more satisfying about certain emotions?"

"If you felt guilty I'd prefer it to nothing!" Casey growled.  "I'm not okay, RJ, and I know you don't have a lot of sympathy for me right now, but if you won't give me something I'll find someone who will.  Don't think you and your wolf can stop me."

"I don't feel--"  He broke off, considering the situation as best he could with a large and apparently desperate vampire sitting on top of him.  "I don't know if you've noticed," he said at last, "but you're triggering quite a few survival instincts right now."

Casey just glared at him.

"Yes, well.  I suppose that's the point," RJ said.  "Still.  I have rather a lot of... training, in that area.  Some of it involves the automatic attainment of a calm state from which the mind can focus the body without distraction."

Casey didn't move, although a frown flickered on his face.

"Emotional suppression," RJ said patiently.

Casey rolled off of him without a word, landing in a crouch on the floor.  He backed away even before he was fully upright, holding his hands out to the sides.  He managed to make it look not... quite like a movement that went against every instinct he had.

RJ sat up carefully.  "Come back," he said, because maybe Casey was playing him and maybe he really was being driven past his limits.  It was too late to avoid the first, and RJ didn't want to see the second.

Casey took a single step in his direction before the wolf intervened.  He had clearly picked up the gist, because he was calm and matter-of-fact as he stood between Casey and RJ: no farther.

"Wolf," RJ said quietly.  "Let him come."

Casey held out his hand, steady and unshaken.  The wolf sniffed it once, then nosed the back of Casey's fingers and allowed them to run along the side of his face.  Expecting a snap at best, RJ was caught off guard... his hand halfway to his cheek when Casey's eyes flicked to him.

Casey stepped past the wolf and hesitated by the other end of the couch.  "How close?"  He'd dropped his gaze, and that was enough to take some of the edge off his attitude.  RJ wondered if just watching him helped.

"I guess that depends whether you're going to kiss me or yell at me," RJ said, eyeing him.  "Any thoughts on that?"

He could hear Casey smiling as he said, "I have a preference, yeah."  His tone was easier than before, but he still didn't lift his head.  "Neither of them worked too well last time, though."

"Two things," RJ said.  "One, consider not making me think you're going to kill me.  And two..."  He paused.  He didn't want to draw attention to it, but it had to be said.  "Don't bring anyone else into this."

He held up his hand when Casey lifted his head, and Casey not only kept his peace but those eyes looked elsewhere while RJ murmured, "I've already decided to give you what you want.  It would be nice if you made it more enjoyable than uncomfortable, but if you can't then I accept that.  My main concern is that you keep it between us.  I don't want this to be about anyone but you and me."

"It isn't--" Casey began.

"That's a condition," RJ said sharply.  "Not a request."

"Fine," Casey said.  "Yes, I agree, just us, okay?  If I say something that you think isn't about us, tell me.  I mean, I have a few questions, but I'm not trying to hurt anyone.  I'm not trying to hurt you; this isn't--"

He was looking at RJ again.  "You're not, like, sacrificing yourself or something," he said uncertainly.  "You get that, right?  I just... I just need your attention.  Just for a while."

"You have it," RJ told him.

Casey studied him for a moment, then asked one of many questions that RJ no longer wanted to answer.  "So, what do the totems mean?"

RJ folded his arms.  "That's not about us."

"Okay," Casey said, blinking.  "So not just 'not about someone else.'"

"Do you want my attention or not?" RJ countered.

"How do you turn it off like that?" Casey wanted to know.  "It's like you're here and then suddenly--you're not.  It really kills my buzz."

"I told you," RJ said.  "I have a lot of training."

Casey actually rolled his eyes.  "Should we just skip the talking and kiss?"

"I think that would be best," RJ agreed.

15) Angular Motion and Tangential Variables

If it came down to it, he'd picked RJ because he was cute.  The magic clinging to RJ's dog had caught his eye first, but the pretty surfer who came around the corner to claim him a few minutes later had sealed the deal.  Delighted by his apparent magical affinity and amused by the conflict of interest, Casey had figured he wouldn't have to work too hard for some kind of return.

This was way more than he'd been expecting.  He still wasn't sure it would be worth it, but the biggest problem was also the biggest potential payoff: RJ.  He wasn't just familiar with magic.  He was very familiar, very aware, and faster on his feet than anyone Casey knew.  He also claimed some kind of training--a background that apparently involved arcane knowledge and serious self-defense skills.

Too much of a threat for Casey, if it weren't for one very important detail.  RJ liked him.  RJ really, deeply, inexplicably enjoyed his company.  Casey assumed it had something to do with the tiger RJ wouldn't tell him anything about.  Whatever it was, it seemed to involve a tremendous amount of interest on RJ's part, along with a helpful susceptibility to anything Casey suggested.

Which was the only reason Casey was still here, slumped at the end of the couch with RJ's head on his shoulder while he stared at a blank TV screen.  Well, several blank TV screens.  Dom had come home just after midnight--Casey would have loved to ask him where he'd been, but he was pretty sure RJ wouldn't be happy to wake up and find Casey talking to his roommate.  Unsupervised.

Instead, he'd just lifted the hand that wasn't around RJ's shoulders and waved.  Dom had paused on the landing, grinning down at him, while Casey offered a half-shrug.  Dom had only pointed to the lights with a questioning look.  When Casey nodded, mouthing thank you, Dom had turned everything off and disappeared through one of the loft's many corner doors.

Dom's focus was fast and fleeting, but he'd had a good evening, so that was something.  Casey was willing to soak up any background energy he could get at this point.  Dom was, thankfully, too wired to sleep right away, so the loft glowed with his glee for almost an hour.  RJ's vivid dreams painted invisible heat over every remaining shadow.

It wasn't much, Casey thought, carding his fingers through RJ's hair.  He still hurt.  He was so empty he echoed, and the faint warmth and pretty colors of the loft's only two inhabitants were barely enough to keep him from sliding into shock.  At least it was steady--RJ's inability to keep from sporadically shutting down was enough to make him insane, and finally Casey had put him to sleep to keep from running while he thought.

Running was probably the smart way to go.  RJ knew what he was doing, and he seemed to think it was his duty to keep Casey in check.  That was odd, amusing, and possibly problematic depending on how far RJ was willing to go to enforce whatever his rules turned out to be.  Worst case, it would mean moving again and pissing Kevin off with yet another name change.

Best case, though.  He didn't know why he kept thinking about the best case scenario like it was somehow the likeliest, but there it was.  He couldn't deny the fact that having RJ as a willing partner would make his life really... awesome.

Whatever RJ was dreaming about started to drift, and he corrected it absently.  Back to him.  He was the one sitting alone in a dark loft--hungry and uncomfortable and not running--so he thought RJ could at least dream about him.  They were good dreams; it wasn't like Casey was letting him have nightmares or anything.  And the wolf had stopped staring at him right after Dom returned... he'd rolled over on his side and closed his eyes, so Casey figured he wasn't doing anything RJ didn't like.

It was a long night even after he'd decided to stay.  Dreams or no dreams, he was losing it by morning.  He didn't realize how incoherent he was until Jarrod snuck up on him again.  It was RJ's voice he noticed first, and he would have sworn he was conscious except that he couldn't get his eyes to open and he was having trouble remembering where he was.

"I'll meet you downstairs."  The words were close and loud and they came with a measured worry that Casey instantly tried to exacerbate.  Except that he wasn't actually talking when he thought he was talking, so his reply was more of an inarticulate mumble.

"He's in the loft, RJ."  That was Jarrod's voice, and Casey couldn't see him but look, he'd done it again.  Jarrod was always right where Casey didn't expect him to be.  That was funny.

"Yes, he is."  RJ sounded mild, but Jarrod had managed to turn up his worry where Casey had not.  That was--really nice of him, actually.  "If you start in the kitchen, I'll be down in just a minute."

"I've started," Jarrod said shortly.  "We open for crew in ten minutes.  I just came up to see if you were all right."

"Jarrod?" Casey muttered, irritated when opening his eyes made it harder to see.  The view had definitely been clearer before.  Where was he, anyway?  "Hey," he protested, when everything shifted a little.  He definitely shouldn't be dizzy.

"I'm fine," RJ said.  "I just... overslept."

Oh, ow, geez, fuck.  He was--he hurt a lot.  He'd forgotten.  It hadn't been so bad while he was out of it.  He wanted to go back there now, except it hurt too much and Jarrod was watching him and Casey had a pretty good idea what might do it.  He clutched his chest, curling around his hand and groaning into his knees.

Jarrod's sullen resentment transformed, alarm blossoming sweet and rough as it spilled over the landing toward him.  "Is he okay?  Casey?" he added, without waiting for RJ's answer.  "You all right?"

Of course Jarrod recognized the gesture.  Everyone except Fran, RJ had said.  "Ow," Casey whispered, then gasped, keening as he utterly failed to suppress his dismay.  He was in pain and they could damn well do something about it.  Now.

"What's wrong?" Jarrod demanded, and Casey could hear his footsteps on the stairs.  He felt a force of nature sweeping across the floor toward him and he tried to hide his face, almost shaking with anticipation.

"I don't know."  RJ sounded reluctant, and his concern was guarded.  It was probably more for Jarrod than for him.  But he didn't order Jarrod away, so Casey ignored him.

"Casey?"  Jarrod was on his knees beside the couch and Casey reached for him, eyes squeezed shut, hand landing blindly on Jarrod's chest.  Jarrod was a wash of worry, trepidation, and sudden understanding.

That understanding welled up from somewhere deeper than his everyday thoughts, and Casey's eyes flew open while Jarrod's hand found his chest in return.  It wasn't just RJ.  That pool of pure and focused feeling lurked in Jarrod's mind too.  Under the surface, somewhere that had to be channeled--

"Hey, Casey."  Jarrod's voice was a constant hum through the spark of life and the jagged current that followed.  "Hey, it's okay.  You're gonna be okay.  I'm the lion, okay?  That's my spirit.  He's just trying to help."

Casey pushed harder against the chest under his hand, trying to turn it up.  More lion.  He liked the lion.  He liked anything that could make him feel like this.  This was RJ downstairs, the day before, when Jarrod had interrupted them.  Only he wasn't interrupting now.

"Jarrod."  RJ's voice was wary.  "Be careful."

"It's his animal spirit," Jarrod said quietly.  "It's exhausted; can you feel that?  What could have worn it down like that?  Casey, how late were you up?"

"Yes, Casey," RJ echoed, a dangerous note tingeing his words.  "How late were you up?"

Jarrod didn't think that was funny, and Casey stifled a smile.  Jarrod was his new favorite person.  "I don't remember," he whispered, fingers white where they pressed against that unyielding chest.  "That helps, though.  I mean--whatever you're doing.  Thanks."

"Anytime," Jarrod said, and he meant it.  "You're one of us, Casey.  All you have to do is ask."

"Asking," Casey managed, pressing his fingers against Jarrod's chest more deliberately this time.  "Animal spirit?"

"RJ'll tell you."  Jarrod's solicitous tone indicated that he actually believed this.  "I'm just charging you up a little, reminding the tiger you're not alone.  You'll need someone to show you how to do it yourself through meditation... especially if it's going to reinforce your physical state like this.  That's dangerous."

"It's not the only thing," RJ muttered.

Jarrod's irritation flared, caught and fed by the same lack of limit his kindness currently enjoyed.  "Problem, RJ?"  And hey, wow, his voice did the same thing RJ's did: hiding everything, sounding only politely concerned despite the conflicting tide of feelings underneath.

RJ didn't answer.  He was angry, afraid, uncertain in the light of day.  He felt out of control--welcome to the club, Casey thought--like everything was happening too fast and he couldn't handle it even if he wanted to.  Casey wasn't strong enough to pull his confusion apart, to figure out what went into it, but he knew RJ didn't trust him.

Jarrod did.  Jarrod had exactly one thing on his mind right now: protect Casey.  And Casey wasn't about to question that.  "So, um," he began, gaze fixed on Jarrod's chest.  "Apparently, I'm the... tiger?"

Eyes flicking to Jarrod's, he added, "Nice to meet you?"

Jarrod smiled.  "Same here," he agreed, and his hand was still warm through Casey's shirt.  "It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but the whole animal spirit thing is pretty cool.  We'll help you figure it out."

"Thank--"  He broke off, flinching as Jarrod pulled away.  Like he couldn't breathe, just for a second.  That was weird, he didn't get it: Jarrod's attention didn't waver, and RJ's head didn't stop spinning just because Jarrod wasn't touching him anymore.  What had changed?

"Casey?"  Jarrod was actually more worried now.  "Have you... has anything happened recently to make your spirit upset?  Usually they don't feel like that unless you--hurt yourself, somehow."

"I don't feel so great," Casey muttered, hunching over.  "Does that count?"

"Are you sick?"  Jarrod put a hand on his forehead--the same thing RJ had done the night before.  Casey had thought it was an affectionate gesture at the time but now, slightly more alert, he could feel the empathic nudge.  "RJ, he's really low.  Was he like this last night?"

"Hmm?"  Casey almost smiled when RJ's absent reply sent Jarrod's protective instincts through the roof.  If RJ was the eccentric professor in this little band of misfits, Jarrod was clearly the caretaker, the parental unit who made sure everyone remembered their lunches and their homework.

"Oh, I... don't know?"  RJ sounded unsure of this answer, and Casey wondered if that was his version of lying.

Jarrod was obviously wondering the same thing.  "RJ.  If I leave him with you, will he be better or worse the next time I see him?"  His blunt tone belied the rapid assessments his brain was trying to make.  What did RJ know, how badly was Casey doing, would it be better for him to go or stay?

"Probably better," RJ said without hesitation.

That seemed to be enough for Jarrod.  "I'll go downstairs, then."  He laid a hand on Casey's shoulder as he stood, squeezing briefly.  His fingers were very strong.  "Let me know if I can help, okay?"

It was hard to tell whether this was directed at Casey or RJ, but RJ didn't answer so Casey nodded.  "Thanks," he repeated, a little wistful as he stared up at Jarrod.  The lion was a lot more constant than the wolf.  He wouldn't have minded keeping that attention a little longer.  Or a lot longer.

16. Center of Mass

"That won't work on us," RJ said, as soon as he was sure Jarrod had gone.  Maybe a little before he was sure.  "Divide and conquer.  He'll still follow me if I tell him you're a threat."

Casey gave him an amused look from where he still sat, elbows braced on his knees at the end of the couch.  "Then why didn't you?"

RJ stared back, trying to gauge the color of his eyes from a distance.  He couldn't do it.  "Why didn't you leave while I was asleep?" he countered.

Casey shrugged, looking away.  "I liked your dreams."

He felt his skin flush, heat creeping in everywhere as his thoughts stuttered to a halt.  He'd shaken them off when confronted by the danger Jarrod could have found himself in, all unknowing, but self-recrimination faded in the face of this new revelation.  "Can you see what I dream?" he asked evenly.

"No."  He could hear Casey smile, compounding his embarrassment.  "Just your reaction to it."

That wasn't exactly reassuring.  Given the sort of vampire he was dealing with, he had no doubt that Casey's imagination was better than his.  He was almost afraid to ask, "Did you make me... dream like that?"

"Oh, very good," Casey said, surprising him.  "You don't like me as much as I thought if you figured that out."

RJ blinked, considering that, and Casey sighed.

"What does it take to make you mad?" he wanted to know.  "Seriously.  You can't be as fascinated by everything as you pretend."

RJ raised his eyebrows.  "Wouldn't you know?"

Casey put his head down, scrubbing at his face with his hands.  "Okay," he said, his voice muffled as he addressed the floor.  "I'll make you a deal.  You come over here and do whatever it is Jarrod was just doing for, I don't know, a lot longer, and afterwards I'll take you down to the boardwalk and show you why we're way cooler than you've probably read."

He was almost positive that Casey couldn't make him do anything right now.  Unless he'd gotten a lot more from Jarrod--or, in fairness, from Jarrod and RJ's reaction to each other--than he was letting on.  Which was possible; he could be completely in control of himself by now and just testing his powers by... not staring.  Maybe it was a challenge not to use his eyes, who knew.  Or maybe he didn't know that RJ couldn't tell what color they were from here and he was looking away to hide his strength.

"I'm a lot less able to read your mind right now," Casey told the floor.  "So if you want to say something, you'll to have to say it.  Out loud."

The most alarming part of that was the thought that sometimes he wouldn't.  Or hadn't.  He supposed that explained how Casey seemed to know what he was thinking.

"Or you could just stand there and study me," Casey said through gritted teeth.  "That would be fine too.  Except for the way it's completely not."

"I'm not sure I want to see you being 'cool' on the boardwalk," RJ said.

"Well, it's not really about you, is it."  His knuckles were white against his forehead, the muscles in his arms as sharp and strained as they'd been the night before when he'd told RJ he hated him.  "It's actually about me and what I'm going to do if you don't master your irritating tendency to zone out in the middle of a conversation.  The boardwalk is just a thank-you present."

RJ frowned.  "Really?  I can't tell when I'm doing it."

"I'd be happy to let you know," Casey snarled, short and sharp and completely motionless.  He hadn't so much as lifted his head.

"I think it's interesting," RJ mused, sidling toward him, "that you only seem to get mean as a last resort.  You're--remarkably suave when you're stronger, and even when you're weak you seem to go for pity before fear."

"Personal idiosyncracy."  Casey's voice was quiet again, unmistakably aware of RJ's approach.  "Everyone's better at inspiring some emotions than others."

"You're good at making people like you," RJ observed, gazing down at him.

"Yeah."  Casey had dropped his hands, but he didn't look up.  "Some people are good at pissing everyone off.  I always kind of feel sorry for them.  I mean, food is food, but you have to like some things better than others, right?  I like it when people like me."

"I like you," RJ said.

"Thanks."  He heard Casey's breath huff out in amusement.  "You know I'm doing this on purpose, right?  It's not like I wasn't trying to make you say that."

"Stand up," RJ said.  "Look at me for a second, okay?  Don't--"  He held up his hand as Casey flowed to his feet and caught his eye.  "Say anything," he finished.  "Just look at me."

Casey's eyes weren't any lighter than they'd been the night before.  He could barely tell the difference between pupil and iris.  "Can you control what they look like?"

Casey shook his head no.

"Can I--?"  He held his hand just above Casey's chest, waiting for a flinch that didn't come.  Casey only nodded.  His shirt was soft, the careless fade of black to grey made less noticeable by the occasional sparkle--and his sharp inhalation when the wolf's apology flooded into him, looking for the tiger.

Latent animal spirits didn't tend to be safe or social.  Casey's seemed to like the lion.  But if it didn't like the wolf a whole lot more, then RJ had no explanation for why this encounter went the same way as all the others: with Casey's mouth on his and everything in him lighting up like memories he couldn't remember forgetting.

"Mmm--"  Casey's moan of relief made his skin tingle.  "Please--"

He didn't want to hear what Casey would beg for this time.  He closed his eyes, reaching out to the tiger, and he felt Casey gasp.  Just because he couldn't make his spirit manifest didn't mean RJ couldn't touch it... and if the tiger was willing, he could give it some of the contact it had never had.

The tiger was very willing.  He wondered if it was what Casey did, the way he lived that made his mostly wild spirit so comfortable with psychic exchange.  He moved his free hand to Casey's shoulder, stroking the tiger gently until he felt both of them respond.  The animal spirit didn't seem to hold last night against him.  His hand slid down Casey's arm and his spirit moved closer, sharing warmth and energy and the impression of return.  Welcome.  Homecoming.

He could feel Casey kissing him almost desperately, like he thought that was where this feeling came from.  RJ wasn't about to complain.  He could feel the power of the cat, eager and clumsy and dangerous... not so different from the frightening edge that Casey's weakness had given him.  They were both uncontained, barely controlled, like the barrel of a wave as it started to collapse.

Exhilarating.

The tiger loomed over him.  Casey was an inch or two shorter.  Between the two of them, he couldn't tell if he was surrounded or surrounding, embracing or held or threatened or free.  His awareness shifted from the tiger's coat against his cheek to Casey's hand clenched in his shirt, that not-quite-purr rumbling around him and he had no idea where it came from.

More.  The impression was distinct, if wordless, and he ignored it.  An unconscious request, a manifestation of desire; he'd felt it before.  When spirits got this close to each other, they communicated through concepts and impressions instead of language and premeditation.

So he didn't expect to feel both of Casey's hands on his face: gentle, warm, sliding in to hold them apart.  "More," Casey whispered, breath hot as he pressed their foreheads together.  "Please.  Can I?"

His eyes opened.  Casey's didn't.  "Yes," he breathed, watching that strained expression ease just a little.  It's all right, he told the tiger.  We're here.

He felt Casey's fingers slide across his face, one hand coming to rest on his jaw while the other cupped the back of his neck.  The kiss was as soft as the first one had been, out there on the street with the sun and the people streaming around them, and if this was "more" then--

The tip of a tongue grazed his lips, and he felt himself smile.  It was easy.  Careful.  Teasing like they'd never kissed before.  He felt the tiger settle, inexplicably, quieting beside him like it had found what it was after and didn't need anything else.  RJ's fingers relaxed, curling against Casey's chest, and the spirit's warmth faded a little as he focused on human contact.

"I'm pretty sure the tiger is grateful," Casey murmured, nuzzling his cheek in a very cat-like way before kissing the corner of his mouth and sliding his hand into RJ's hair.  "I know I am."

"Better now?" RJ guessed, trying to hide his disappointment.  He liked the tiger, and he was glad the tiger still liked him.  But he thought some of the making out might have gotten lost in his efforts to make nice.

"It will be," Casey whispered.  His mouth covered RJ's and his tongue slid in like breathing, the air that made him forget he needed the real thing.  Hands were cradling his head, keeping him close.  Casey's kiss was gentle and firm and inevitable.

More, he realized, was still to come.

17) Centripetal Acceleration

Okay, this whole "spirit" thing was great.  Not only did it take the edge off, but it could apparently boost his awareness to normal levels even when he should have been more focused on hunger than subtleties like sensitivity and permission.  RJ was still afraid of him... but thanks to the tiger and whatever weird communion thing it was doing with the wolf, he could tell RJ found this cool.

He knew, too, that RJ wanted this.  Not just "this" in the abstract, someone to be with or sleep with or kiss, and not even this in general, keeping Casey off the streets and away from his unusual friends.  This specifically: the wolf liked him, and RJ was in complete agreement with it.  Vampire or no, RJ would collar him and attach a leash if he thought he could get away with it.

He also got the distinct impression that RJ was crazier than he'd given him credit for.

On the other hand, when a guy as powerful as this was panting under his hands, he was ready to applaud a whole lot of crazy.  The prettiness factor was a bonus, but nothing could beat the sheer desire RJ brought to bear.  He was fire and focus like a magnifying glass in the sun.

Anticipation, Casey decided absently, hands light on RJ's shoulders while his tongue plotted a slow advance into his mouth.  Definitely the way to go.  Like he hadn't known that about RJ already.  He was always thinking three steps ahead, but for all his vision of the future, he didn't seem impatient to get there.

RJ made a soft sound--a warning, or a request.  Casey couldn't tell, but it wasn't pleasure, and he eased up before RJ could push him away.  That tiny act of consideration prompted a flare of gratitude that Casey hadn't expected, and it occurred to him that he might be going about this the wrong way.

Most people didn't really appreciate things, after all.  Most people took consideration for granted, so Casey didn't bother with it unless he had to.  He usually got a stronger reaction from the little trespasses than he did from the little courtesies... and he'd thought it was working with RJ, until now.  Until last night.

Maybe it had been.  Maybe RJ only appreciated it now because now he expected otherwise.  Now that he knew what Casey was.  He thought he knew how far Casey would go.  So the courtesy surprised him.

Surprise and gratitude were harder to come by than surprise and embarrassment.  They were also a better combination, as far as Casey was concerned.  He'd take it as long as RJ could supply it.

"Problem," RJ whispered.  He didn't try to pull farther away than Casey let him go.  "Dom's up."

It took a moment to translate this--both what it meant and why he should care--but when he did he was intrigued all over again.  "How do you know?" he murmured, stroking RJ's neck.  He couldn't hear anything.  More than that, he couldn't feel anything.

"You know how you said to tell you what I didn't want you to ask about?"  RJ's breath was warm on his face, and he hadn't shut down yet, both of which made Casey very willing to play his game.  "This is one of those things."

"Got it," Casey agreed, stealing another kiss.  It was a promise, a reassurance, a way to get RJ's attention back without walking into the minefield of what RJ would or wouldn't discuss.  It worked better than he'd expected.

RJ's mouth opened under his and his body pressed up against Casey's, hands landing--finally--on his hips, sliding up his sides.  Casey could feel his shirt catching and wrinkling, threatening to ride up, and he had no problem with that whatsoever.  He wrapped both arms over RJ's shoulders, one hand burying itself in his hair and the other scratching a harsh trail down his back.

He felt RJ gasp, hands tightening on his sides.  He felt that tremble vibrate through his own body.  RJ was flooding him with desire and heat, his grip so strong that for the first time Casey felt physically vulnerable in his arms.  It made something in him shift restlessly, and RJ kissed him harder.  His mouth was unyielding as he leaned in like he was going to take what Casey had thought he was offering the night before--

And then he let go.  He didn't let go; he pushed Casey back, turning his head and drawing in a shuddering breath as Casey let his arms go slack.  It didn't really matter to him, if it came right down to it: RJ was still gold and humming and totally into him whether he had his tongue down Casey's throat or not.  Sure, his body missed the pressure, but he'd take feeding over making out any day.

Although it was definitely cool when the two came together.

"Sorry," he heard RJ mutter.  "Sorry, not thinking."

But he was.  Casey could unravel enough of RJ's feelings now that he knew exactly where that had come from: not the thrill of getting caught at all, but the fear of being busted.  He didn't know whether to shake his head or laugh.  Like he hadn't done this a hundred times before.

He decided against laughing, but he didn't bother to hide his amusement when he said, "You think I'm going to screw this up."

"No," RJ said, an odd note in his voice.  His eyes were fixed on Casey's shoulder and he was desperately hoping he was wrong.  "I'm afraid I've already screwed it up, and I'm trying to put off the moment when I realize it."

When RJ added, "Try to keep up," Casey had to laugh.

"Trust me," he said, stroking the side of RJ's face and enjoying the flush, the breathing, the darkness of his eyes.  "I know how to act around roommates."  And family, he added silently.  And friends, and parents... and on several memorable occasions, other boyfriends.  Or girlfriends.

"That's sort of what I'm worried about," RJ murmured.

Then Casey felt it too: Dom's presence, sleepy and unmotivated but definitely nearby.  He wandered out onto the landing a moment later, not bothering a glance in their direction as he opened the fridge.  He was barefoot despite the backpack over his shoulder, shirt askew, with no real interest in breakfast right now. 

And he knew perfectly well they were watching him.

There was no surprise anywhere when Dom turned around.  His eyes glanced over Casey, lifting one hand in an easy wave, but they settled on RJ as he walked over to the railing.  "Morning," he offered.

RJ might as well have clapped a hand over Casey's mouth and pushed him back... behind him.  Out of the line of fire.  Casey raised an eyebrow at the sudden wave of protectiveness--and the way Dom's eyes narrowed.  Like he could somehow feel it too.

"So," Dom continued, and only then did Casey realize neither of them had answered.  So much for being able to talk to roommates.  He opened his mouth, but Dom was staring at him now.  "I hear you have an animal spirit."

Casey blinked, but Dom didn't wait for an answer.

"I don't know if you can see what RJ's is doing right now," he said, "but I don't buy it.  Which means that you're officially way more creepy than Fran thought, and I owe her a big apology.  It also means, as it turns out, that I'm not leaving this loft until you do."

Casey rapidly reassessed his options.  Whatever had just happened, it hadn't changed RJ's reaction--but Dom was more than just a friend to him.  Cousin, he'd said, even if that didn't feel quite right.  Whatever it was, they wouldn't splinter over this.  Not like RJ and Jarrod.

"Okay," Casey said.  "You're right."

"Casey."  RJ's voice was mild, as though the idea had just occurred to him.  "Perhaps you should go.  I'll see you this afternoon?"

Interesting.  RJ was willing to let him leave, unescorted, when the alternative was an unspecified threat to Casey himself.  That was sweet.  He didn't want people on the street to get hurt, but he wanted Casey hurt less.

"Is your wolf here?" Casey asked, glancing around the loft.  He hadn't seen the mysterious appearing and disappearing Wolf since he woke up.  RJ hadn't confirmed that the "dog" was his animal spirit, but he hadn't denied it yet either.  "Is that what Dom's talking about?"

Oh, that made RJ mad.  He couldn't tell if it was because he wasn't doing what RJ told him to, if it was because he was asking about the animal spirits again, or if RJ was just worried about him.  But he stepped away, looking up at Dom, whose focus sharpened in a remarkably satisfying way.  Could they all do that?

"I can't see it," Casey said.  "But I'm guessing you think he's trying to protect me.  He's not, though.  He's protecting you."

"Casey."  RJ's voice was lower this time, the only outward sign of the anguish Casey could feel in his anger.  It glinted, sharp and sad and RJ was prepared to stop him.  To physically prevent him from hurting Dom.

As if he could, Casey thought, buoyed by their internal struggles.  It wasn't just RJ--Dom felt bad about this too, felt genuine regret that RJ's new friend had turned out to be so dangerous.  He really had no idea.

Casey held up his hands, taking another slow step away from RJ.  Away from Dom.  "I'll go," he said.  "I will.  RJ was just trying to help me, and I'd never take advantage of that.  I didn't mean to freak you out.  I'll go, okay?"

Dom hesitated.  The look he gave RJ was wary and probing, and for once some of RJ's desperation bled through into his mannerisms as he tipped his head back and looked away.  Casey was careful to look as concerned as possible when Dom's gaze flicked to him again.

"Help you with what?" Dom demanded.

Casey gave RJ a deliberately uncertain look.  RJ was looking back at him, which totally sold it.  "I have this magical thing," Casey said, making an apologetic face.  "It, uh, basically means I don't have enough energy of my own, so I have to get it from other people."

Glancing up at Dom, he added, "I just found out about this whole totem thing--I mean, the animal spirits?--and RJ is trying to show me how to, um, get mine to help.  You know... so I don't need so much from other people."

"Energy?" Dom repeated, looking at RJ.

"Psychic energy," RJ murmured.

"I can't control it when I'm tired," Casey offered.  "RJ's trying to keep me from, uh... sharing yours."  He knew Dom didn't want to hear it from him, but the difference between eagerness and secrecy was the difference between being classified as an annoyance and being classified as a threat.

"How?" Dom asked, and this time he was definitely asking RJ.  "How does he get energy?"

RJ sighed, not looking at him.  "I don't know," he admitted.  "He just--absorbs it.  You can't tell he's doing it."

"I hang out with people who have a lot," Casey offered.  "You know, people who get really worked up about stuff, or people who have a strong reaction to... well, me," he said, glancing at RJ.  "If they hate me or whatever, or if they--really like me.  It makes me feel better."

"You steal their energy," Dom said, frowning.  He clearly wasn't convinced of this.

"I share it," Casey insisted.  "I don't take it away from them or anything.  It's just like... like being cold-blooded, or something.  I don't generate enough heat, so I stick with people who do."

"Like a snake sunning itself in the grass," RJ murmured.

"Hey!" Casey protested.  "A non-poisonous snake, okay?"

RJ smiled a little.  "I happen to like snakes."

"Wow," Dom said, staring down at them.  "You really do attract strays, don't you.  Is there a 'vacancy' sign outside or something?  How do we all find you?"

Pleased by RJ's flicker of amusement, Casey remarked, "Survival instinct."

Dom huffed, turning his back for the first time to collect something from the counter.  "No kidding," he said over his shoulder.

But RJ was still watching him, and his expression was not reassured.  When he murmured, "Opposites attract," Casey knew he hadn't fallen for it.

18) Simple Harmonic Motion

Dom left for school without Casey.  He even wished Casey well before he went.  RJ managed to suppress the somewhat hysterical urge to laugh when Casey gave him an embarrassed smile and mumbled thanks in return.

Jarrod, the voice of reason, and Dom, his best friend.  Both their suspicions alleviated in a matter of minutes by a stranger, someone they'd met three days ago and had no reason to trust.  No Pai Zhua connections, no outside approval, just his own word... and RJ's example.

He might not have a vote, but he was steering the clan into disaster.  He had to believe they wouldn't fall for Casey if he wasn't letting it happen.  And why?  For what?  Was it really that important to him that Casey... have something?  Friendship?  Respect, appreciation--adoration that wasn't induced?

Could he really tell himself that he was doing this for Casey?

RJ made a list while he was supposed to be changing.  He'd loaned Casey some clothes rather than let him wander off, still hungry and vulnerable and--if RJ faced the truth--not exactly guaranteed to return.  He ignored his own attire in favor of paper and pencil, because he had seen how easily Jarrod and Dom's concerns were turned aside.  He would probably need the reminder himself sooner rather than later.

He wrote "vampire," "out of control," and "LIES ALL THE TIME" on the left side of the paper, then felt bad that he'd started with "vampire" because it seemed discriminatory.  He crossed it out and put it at the bottom instead.  He put "he needs us" on the right side of the paper, then reluctantly added "I like him" underneath.  Nothing like a list to make you face the truth.

So, he thought, looking at the few words that spelled out his entire psyche.  Basically he's an untrustworthy predator that you shouldn't let anywhere near the clan.  At least, not without full disclosure.  And you're sneaking him in because you feel sorry for him.

Yes, he decided.  That pretty much summed it up.

He was perfectly aware that he was being manipulated as much as anyone else.  The only question was why.  Did Casey need something from them, beyond the obvious?  Did his animal spirit need something?  Did he know something about them that might bring others here, and if so, was that good or bad?

RJ had no reason to think he was the one who could somehow resist Casey's charm long enough to figure out what he wanted.  Especially since he was relatively sure he had already succumbed.  Which left him with two options: try anyway, or enlist Theo and Lily's help in driving Casey away for good.

Unfortunately, lists didn't lie.  Number one on the right side would trump almost anything he could add to the left side.  Even "we might not be able to do anything" and "we could tear the clan apart trying."  The best he could do at this point was to add a caution at the bottom that hopefully he could count on himself to reread as often as possible.

Dearest RJ, he wrote under the two brief lists.  Please remember that your boyfriend is a lying liar who lies.  He will always tell you what you want to hear.  He will do the same with everyone else.  Don't believe anything he says.  Love, RJ

He folded up the paper, stuffed it under his pillow, and got dressed.

He found Casey sitting at the table on the landing, one of Dom's books in his hand and a plate of breadsticks in front of him.  He looked up when RJ came out, a bright smile breaking over his face.  "Check it out!  Jarrod made breadsticks!"

Of course he did, RJ thought with a sigh.  Because Jarrod had decided Casey was a cub, a young animal spirit in need of guidance and care, and RJ wondered if Casey had even had to ask for breakfast.  Had Jarrod just assumed he wasn't going to school today?  Dom had gone out the back, so it seemed unlikely that he'd passed Jarrod on his way.

"Is that bad?"  Casey looked suddenly anxious.  "Did you want me to stay up here?  It's just, I couldn't tell if you'd planned to work this morning or not, and if you did then Jarrod was all alone, so I just went down to check on him--"

"Casey," RJ interrupted, irritated all out of proportion to the actual event.  "At least pretend you're not giving me a line."

Casey's expression smoothed out, and he suddenly looked much older.  "Sure thing.  Breadstick?"

RJ eyed the plate, then frowned at him.  "You don't have some kind of magically drugged saliva, do you?"

Casey raised his eyebrows.  "I think you'd know by now."

RJ tried not to smile.  "I suppose so."

"You're coming to the boardwalk with me, right?"  Casey set the book down, replacing Dom's bookmark, and picked up another breadstick.  He got up and offered it to RJ, adding, "It's not as fun in the morning, but I'll be better company and I can totally show you what we're good for."

RJ hadn't expected this to mean anything other than, maybe, Casey wanted another chance to dazzle him.  To charm him into submission, somehow.  And that was his highest expectation... he'd thought it more likely that Casey was attracted to the boardwalk for obvious reasons and was only taking RJ because he didn't think he'd stay behind.

He hadn't thought about what Casey's "obvious reasons" would mean in a place so public.  Fran had related some of Casey's high school antics--she shared two classes with him--but most of RJ's experience involved watching him make friends or... flirt.  Or both.  He wasn't actually prepared to see him heckling skateboarders, arguing with a coffee vendor, or casually pegging RJ with a sugar packet while he was looking out at the water.

"What?" Casey said, grinning when RJ gave him a startled look.  "I'm just saying."

RJ blinked.  "You're just saying... what?"

Casey folded one arm under his elbow, settling his coffee cup within sniffing distance as he leaned back against the seawall.  "That you're hot and I like looking at you?"

"I didn't hear you say that," RJ remarked, amused in spite of himself.

"I didn't," Casey agreed.  "I was about to, though."  He lifted his coffee cup in an imitation toast, smile lingering on his face.  "Thanks for giving me an opening."

"Why did you need one if you were about to say it anyway?" RJ wanted to know.

"It makes the conversation flow more smoothly," Casey said, taking a sip of coffee.  "How do you feel about amusement parks?"

RJ had known--for certain definitions of "know"--that the carnival rides on the boardwalk opened early on Fridays.  He and Dom came out to surf in the mornings, sometimes, when the waves and the weather were right.  He had never been particularly interested in mechanical thrills when the ocean was right there.

Casey was.  Or, RJ supposed, he was interested in everyone else's interest in mechanical thrills--he wanted their thrill.  But he acted as though he liked the rides.  He made RJ go on everything with him, until RJ put his foot down about the pendulum ride--a personal fear--and Casey let it go without argument.

RJ stopped where he was and watched Casey take two more steps before he realized RJ wasn't with him.  When he turned around, RJ asked, "Don't you... like that ride?"

Casey looked surprised.  "You just said you don't want to go on it."

"Yes," RJ said slowly.  "Doesn't that make it..."  He couldn't think of the right word.  "Better?"

"Uh, no?"  Casey looked like he had no idea what was going on.  "What are you talking about?"

RJ studied him.  "I thought you were picking rides that are particularly... frightening, on purpose.  Because they're more fun for you."

"Hey, hey--"  Casey came back so that he could talk in a slightly lower tone of voice.  "What am I, a total jerk?  I thought you were having a good time.  If I'm wrong, let's get out of here."

RJ was at something of a loss.  "I thought we were here so you could have a good time."

"I'm here for two reasons," Casey told him.  "First off, yeah, the ambient energy helps a lot.  Second, when I feel better, I want to show you something cool.  That's why you're here.  Or at least, why I invited you.  Not to be my personal battery."

Exactly what you want to hear, RJ reminded himself.  But it was hard to deny that Casey mixed some truth into his stories for maximum sincerity.  Which part was the truth, though.  That was the really difficult thing.

So instead RJ focused on the obvious.  "That's the first analogy you've used that doesn't involve eating in some way," he observed.

"The snakes," Casey said, not batting an eye.  "That wasn't food-related."

"That was my analogy," RJ pointed out.

"For my non-food-related explanation!" Casey protested.  "Like being cold-blooded, I said!  That's not about food."

"Yes, that sounded very benign," RJ admitted.  "I hadn't expected you to have... practiced that."

"Please," Casey scoffed.  "There are a lot of magicals in the world.  There aren't that many smart magicals, but every once in a while someone decides they've got my number.  I have no idea why acting cute and confused makes them instantly forget everything they're supposed to know, but there it is."

"Don't you?" RJ asked, studying him.  "Don't you know, I mean?"

"Honestly?" Casey said.  "No!  What's wrong with people, anyway?  They're all, 'you're a vampire, I should stay away from you,' and I'm like, 'yeah, probably best,' and what do they do?  They figure, 'oh, false alarm, let's hang out.'  What kind of reasoning is that?"

"Familiar reasoning," RJ said dryly.  "Here we are, after all."

"Not you."  Casey's gaze was measuring.  "Not yet.  You're still keeping an eye on me; I can tell.  Which is interesting, since most people who decide they've been duped really don't like the reminder.  You're different."

"Mm-hmm."  RJ wondered how many people Casey had said that to in the past.

19) Driven Motion and Resonance

"It's a thank-you," Casey reminded him.  "I'm not going to do anything creepy."

RJ held up one finger, circling something in the air.  The answer, maybe.  "What are you thanking me for?" he asked.  In what Casey was starting to recognize as his teaching voice.

"For letting me be," Casey said.  "Come on, you could totally take me.  Thanks for letting me walk away."

RJ poked the middle of his circle and let his hand fall.  "You're lying to me about why you're thanking me.  That doesn't fill me with confidence when it comes to this supposed 'present.'"

Casey grinned.  "Actually, the reason was true.  The flattery might have been a little over the top."

"A little?" RJ said evenly.

"I could flatten you," Casey said cheerfully.  "But you'd put up a good fight, I'm sure.  Doesn't mean I don't appreciate you being so nice to the, uh, my tiger.  I mean, when you weren't trying to rip us apart."

RJ felt really bad about that, and he still managed to make his voice sharp when he said, "You know why I did it."

"Yeah," Casey agreed, smiling at him.  "That's what I mean.  Thanks for finding a way to handle--"  He waved a hand idly.  "All this.  It's easier just to run away, right?  Or run me off.  I guess that's more likely with you guys.  But you haven't."

He shrugged, reading RJ's conflicting desires like fortune cookies.  He wasn't as strong as he could be, but he got the gist.  "It's kind of cool to know someone who can deal.  For however long."

RJ bought it.  Warm and sweet, his hope made Casey's smile soften.  Such an idealist.  He really didn't know anyone like RJ, and he knew RJ didn't believe that but RJ also seemed to think the most important thing he did was to look out for his friends.  All it proved was that RJ didn't know himself as well as he thought he did.

"I deal... automatically," RJ was saying.  "It's part of my charm.  No need to thank me."

"Then do it as a favor to me," Casey said smoothly.  "So I can show you something good that we do."

RJ raised an eyebrow, but of course, he was willing to do it for someone else.  "If you insist."

"I do," Casey agreed.  He was careful to look away first, because he hadn't seen a mirror recently but he knew what he felt and he could guess what his eyes looked like by now.  Gazing out at the ocean from the shore deck on the far side of the park, he kept the playful tone.  "Tell me what you want."

RJ laughed, which was unexpected enough that it made Casey smile again.  Involuntary, unintentional... entertained.  "I know better than that," RJ said, his mood light and oddly relieved.  "Let's just assume I don't want anything and move on."

"Let's not," Casey suggested, flashing him an amused look before he turned back to the water.  "I know you don't want anything you can go out and get.  I'm not trying to buy you off or anything.  I just want to know what makes you happy."

"Aside from the fact that you probably know that better than I do," RJ said, "no."

That was all he said, and Casey had to ask, "No what?"

It wasn't all he felt.  His thoughts were racing--not unusual--and he was trying to ignore them, which was less typical.  Love, Casey got, only not exactly because RJ told himself he already had love and that was all he thought about that.  Companionship, that was closer, because RJ knew he had that and so he felt it was safer.  It got repeated space in his brain while he tried very hard not to think about the answer to Casey's question.

"No," RJ said aloud, "I know better than to let bad guys trick me into revealing my deepest wish.  That always happens, you know, and then it either gets twisted, or the person who wishes it does, and there's some terrible moral about... well."  He shook his head, his smile much fainter now.  "It always ends badly."

"You know I can't actually grant wishes," Casey teased, shooting a sideways glance at him.  "It won't go all Monkey's Paw on you."

Happiness, but RJ thought that was... redundant?  He didn't actually want happiness, he was sure you found that along the way.  No, he thought you... chose it.  Huh.  Casey smiled without meaning to.  RJ's head was really interesting.

"Not literally," RJ allowed.  "But karmically speaking.  The bad guys always convert the good guys by promising them whatever they want.  When really, we're the only ones who can find what we need."

"And I'm the bad guy," Casey said.

There wasn't any guilt associated with it.  "You know you are," RJ said simply.

A strange certainty for such a shades-of-grey kind of guy.  "Maybe," Casey agreed.  "But I don't know you aren't, either."

That gave RJ pause, and there.  Just like that, Casey got it, and he didn't care if he grinned because maybe he was smiling at his own cleverness, who knew?  But RJ had just reacted to his idle remark, a conversational filler while he picked his way through the emotional response to his original question, with exactly the nuance he'd been looking for.  It wasn't love or companionship or happiness that RJ wanted.

It was belonging.

"I concede that point," RJ said at last.

"We could start a questioning club," Casey said lightly, not looking at him.  He could do belonging with his eyes closed.  "If you question your status as a good guy, I promise to question mine as a bad guy."

RJ considered that for a moment.  "I... believe I just did."

"Yeah."  He kept his voice quiet and his gaze fixed on the water.  "I'm pretty sure you did too."

"What I don't believe," RJ said, "is that you just went into my head, decided what I want most is for you to be good, and are now in the process of giving it to me."

Casey's lips twitched.  "Wow," he told the water.  "That would be pretty awesome of me."

"I didn't wish for anything," RJ reminded him.

"Yeah, you said."  Casey shifted so that he was looking just past RJ's nearest shoulder.  "Can I ask you a question?"

"Can I... answer it however I want?" RJ countered.

"Yeah," Casey said, with an actual smile this time.  Preoccupied, though, he let himself catch RJ's eye and then forget to look away.  "Have you ever thought, what if this one thing had been different?  How much could one little thing change your life?"

RJ tilted his head, but he didn't take his eyes off of Casey.  "You mean, 'this' in some sort of general sense, as a generic label for an unknown variable?  Or 'this' specifically, as part of the conversation: the choice between good and evil?"

"Is it really a choice?" Casey wanted to know.  "Maybe it's just a habit."

"A habit is a choice we make over and over again," RJ told him.  "I wouldn't consider that a little thing."

Casey smiled.  "So what you're saying is, your habit of being good is a big thing, an important part of your life that probably affects a lot of other people.  Right?"

RJ blinked.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes," Casey said.  "I'm also going to assume that you think you can change me, because you don't strike me as a self-destructive person so why else would you be here?  I should tell you that I've thought I could change a lot of people over the years.

"I have, too," he added, and that was completely true.  "That's how I know you've got a shot."

RJ's eyes were wide, and his surprised expression didn't fade as Casey reached out, laid a hand on his chin, and put gentle pressure on the side of his face.  "Look away," Casey murmured.  "You're not stronger than I am, RJ.  But I'm willing to give you a draw.  You shut me down pretty effectively last night."

"Only because you wanted my approval," RJ said quietly, staring out at the ocean.

"And I still want it," Casey replied.  "You have to know that.  You were ready to fight over Dom, weren't you.  Because he figured it out, and you thought I'd hurt him.  That's the closest you've come to actually... so I backed off."

He'd let his hand fall, and he wished he hadn't but RJ would be more likely to believe him the farther away he was.  "I want you, RJ.  And believe me, I know how to not get you.  From the way you act, I'm guessing you probably know the same about me."

RJ felt confused and careful and not, all at the same time.  The way he always felt: like he knew too much and felt too little and the lack of balance was tripping him up, making his responses unpredictable.  "You're saying I have all the sensitivity and tact of a vampire."

"And you don't take that as a compliment?" Casey countered, amused.  "Come on, RJ.  It's a game.  And a good one--because no matter who wins, we end up together."

RJ looked at him.  Catching his eye deliberately, Casey thought.  "Are you challenging me?  I make you good, or you make me evil?"

Casey laughed.  "I probably can't make you 'evil,'" he said, going with finger quotes and everything.  "But I might be able to make you enjoy it a little more."

"If I don't make you like being good first?" RJ suggested.

"If anyone can do it, you can," Casey teased.  "Trust me.  One master of persuasion always recognizes another."

"I don't trust you," RJ told him.

"I know," Casey said easily.  "I don't trust you either.  That's what makes it so fun."

Instead of objecting, a reluctant smile tugged at RJ's expression as he looked away.  His reply was almost the last thing Casey expected--and what got him was that it shouldn't have been.  "This is your present, isn't it."

"What is?" Casey asked, all innocence.  There weren't as many smart magicals, he'd said.  It was entirely possible that he'd forgotten how to handle someone who could actually keep up with him.

"This--making me think we're in this together," RJ said.

"I can't generate anything that isn't there," Casey reminded him.

"Not by staring at me," RJ agreed.  "But I'll bet you can talk people into almost anything."

Casey sighed, and a good part of his exasperation was completely real.  "Do you feel good or not?" he demanded.

RJ's smile, on the other hand, was serene.  "I do, actually."

"Then you're welcome," Casey told him.

20) Pressure Gauge

Dom had called it "running the gauntlet" when he first started dating Fran.  RJ had definitely not shown enough sympathy for the process.  He understood why Jarrod felt the need to question him endlessly, but there was only so much he could tell him without mentioning that Casey's most dangerous magical ability was the way he hid his magical abilities.

He didn't even try the watered down version that Casey had given Dom.  It wasn't true, after all, and somehow actively lying to them felt worse than a lie of omission.  So he told Jarrod that Casey had an unusually friendly tiger spirit, that it was apparently tired of being alone, and that Casey was going to need a lot of help to get it to a point where it wouldn't interfere with his physical state.

Jarrod wasn't stupid.  He knew how much RJ wasn't saying, and he didn't appreciate it.  As much as he didn't like "I don't know" as an answer, he liked "I do know and I'm not telling you" even less.  He wasn't just frustrated; he was quietly furious when RJ suggested there were some things Casey would have to share with him himself.

RJ had no idea what to expect when Theo and Fran showed up after school.  What would Dom have told them?  How would Jarrod react if it was obvious Dom had told them more than RJ had told him?  Why didn't he just tell the clan the truth and save himself at least half the trouble the confrontation was sure to generate?

He should tell them.  RJ knew that if any of the others had asked for his advice, he would have told them to share what they knew and let everyone else decide for themselves.  Unfortunately, that was usually how it went: they asked for his advice.  He wasn't really in the habit of soliciting theirs.

Which left him with only himself to question, and question he did.  But so far the answer was still, "Wait and see."

The kitchen door banged open and it was Lily's voice that shouted, "RJ!"

He dropped the cutting board.

Thankfully it was empty, and he picked it up with a turn and flourish, smiling in the direction of the door.  "Lily," he replied.  "You're not on the schedule this afternoon."

She eyed him skeptically.  "Are you all right?"

"Of course."  He raised his eyebrows in return.  "Why do you ask?"

"Because I've never seen you drop anything," she said frankly.

"It's possible you startled me," RJ admitted.  "Something about the combination of volume and unscheduled... ness.  How was school?"

"Boring."  She waved her hand, dismissing it.  "Dom says Casey stayed overnight?"

He sighed because he knew she expected it, but he wondered if that was really the most important thing Dom had said to them.  "My day was fine, thank you for asking.  Can I get you anything before you start work?  Oh, that's right... you're not working."

"Hi RJ," Theo said, holding the door for Fran.  "Is Casey here?"

"Hi RJ!" Fran chirped.  "I like the menu bouquet you made on the counter!"

He extended a hand in her direction, smiling.  "Thank you, Fran.  I'm glad it meets with your approval.  How was school today?"

"Oh, it was fun!" she exclaimed.  "Casey's going to be disappointed he missed Astronomy; we projected star drift and we reversed the magnetic poles and also it turns out that when Vega is the North Star the Summer Triangle is a circumpolar constellation!"

Friday, RJ remembered, was planetarium day.  "So, while the Triangle circles, the Great Square... arcs?" he suggested.  "If Arcturus isn't an arc away from the pointer stars, are Altair and Deneb the new guard stars?"

"Only if there's something to guard Vega from," Fran mused.  "Birds?  Geometry?"

RJ lifted both hands.  "In 13,000 years, who knows?"

Fran beamed, but Theo waved in between them as though he could bat their words away with his hand.  "Hello, Earth to the Hubble," he said.  "Casey?  Here or not here?"

"Schedule," RJ said, pointing at it.  "Coming in at five, as usual."

"He stayed over," Lily reminded everyone.  "For all we knew, he was still here."

RJ gave her a curious look.  "Is there a... reason you're in the kitchen right now?"

It didn't do any good.  They were determined to get answers, and if he was determined not to give them then there were still three times as many of them as there were of him.  He had no idea where Jarrod had gone--although he supposed it wasn't impossible he was actually out in the restaurant, doing his job--but his absence didn't seem to make things any easier.  Casey hadn't been in school again, and they were going to figure out why.

He did eventually get Theo and Fran out of the kitchen, mostly because they were supposed to be working so he was allowed to tell them what to do.  Lily, on the other hand, lingered until he sent her upstairs to look for something while he slipped out the back to center himself.  He really hadn't been prepared for the full force of their curiosity.

Going out back didn't help, as it turned out, because Jarrod had beaten him to it.  And Jarrod wasn't alone.  RJ watched from the other side of the alley as Casey's hand slid over Jarrod's chest and around behind his neck, leaning in to kiss like it was the only thing he'd ever wanted.

RJ turned around and went back inside.  He closed the door behind him carefully, though he knew his focus was more important than his silence.  Casey could probably sense shock from a fair distance.  And who knew if Jarrod's animal spirit had noticed him or not.  He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and concentrated on the heat of the ovens and the murmur of conversation from the restaurant.

He heard Lily before she saw him.  The rapid trip of her footsteps on the stairs slowed until she was stepping too carefully to even count as a walk.  She tiptoed down the last few stairs, standing on the last one without moving for a long moment.  She was staring at him, he knew.

He didn't move.  He didn't even open his eyes.

A moment later, he heard a gentle, "Prrow?"  Too faint for normal ears, an inquisitive purr that made his fingers twitch, and something soft ghosted against his hand.  The cheetah was worried about him.

"He's a vampire," RJ said aloud.  "Not the blood-sucking kind.  The psychic kind.  He feeds on other people's emotional reactions.  I think he's interested in us because our animal spirits amplify our energy.  Like a jumbo-sized pizza... only folded over so you can eat it faster."

Lily's voice was quiet.  "What do we need to know?"

"You can't trust me," RJ said.  "He's spent too much time with me.  He can make me do whatever he wants.  He's gotten to Jarrod too, and probably Dom.  We'll try to protect him."

"Will he kill us?" Lily asked evenly.

"I don't know."  It was lurking, now, he could feel the shadows gathering.  Crushing hurt and disappointment waiting just outside his oasis of calm.  He refused to look.  "I don't think so.  He wants us to feel.  It would be like... killing the goose to get the eggs."

"He wants us to feel," she repeated.  "Good things, or bad things?  Will he try to set us against each other?"

He felt something twist inside, and he ignored it.  "It looks that way."

"Okay."

Good girl, RJ thought.  Someone had trained Lily well: don't get distracted, gather everything that's available before you try to change anything.  Accept whatever the crazy person tells you until and unless his behavior normalizes.

"How do we stop him?" Lily asked.

"Don't feel," RJ said softly.  "Stay calm.  Anything else makes him stronger."

"RJ."  Lily's voice was gentle but implacable.  "How do we stop him?"

"We can't," he whispered.  "If he gets bored with us, he'll just find someone else."

She didn't hesitate.  "You want to fight."

"No."  His breathing was off, and he tried to find that careful rhythm again.  "Of course I don't want to fight.  I like him.  I want--"  He didn't have any words for what he wanted, and it was probably better that he didn't try to find them.  "This is what he does, Lily.  He insinuates himself into your life and then he makes it whatever he wants it to be.  Whatever will make you react the most strongly.  Over and over again.  So he has a constant food source."

"I'll look it up," she promised.  "In the meantime, we should keep him here?"

No.  "Yes," he said.

"Is it dangerous?"  Her voice betrayed nothing.  "Can he hurt you guys by... feeding on you?"

Yes.  "Only indirectly," he muttered.

"RJ..."  Her clan training relaxed a little, and he heard her take a step toward him.  "What happened?"

He opened his eyes to see a very self-possessed cheetah spirit standing in front of him.  "He's here," RJ told her.  "I'll try to keep him in the kitchen.  Wait until I've sent Jarrod home to talk to Theo."

She hesitated for the first time.  "You know it's... it isn't about loyalty," she began.  "We're all family--"

"But you've known Jarrod longer than you've known me," he finished.  "I know.  You probably shouldn't take my advice at this point, but if you do, trust Theo before you trust Jarrod.  That's all I'm asking."

The kitchen door swung open and Casey leaned in, knocking on the frame with a smile.  "Hey!  RJ, just the guy I was looking for.  What's up, Lil?"

"RJ's kicking me out of the kitchen for inappropriate hair restraint," Lily said.  She smiled with all her usual impertinence.  "I'm thinking about stealing one of Fran's hair thingies and coming back."

He recognized the question for what it was.  "Please don't," he said.  "I'm sure Dom would notice."

"Yeah, that being half the fun," Lily said with a grin.  But she'd gotten the message, and she edged around Casey with a friendly pat to his shoulder.  "Truant."

"Brown-noser," he retorted, smirking after her.

She was very good, RJ thought distantly.  He didn't suppose he would do as well, but he owed it to her to try.  "I thought you'd gone home," he said, as Casey let go of the door and ambled into the kitchen.  He wasn't wearing his JKP outfit.

"Can't get rid of me," Casey said, but his smile was preoccupied.  RJ thought he was onto them when he said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course."  He wondered where Jarrod was.

"Jarrod went home," Casey said, like he'd read his mind.  "He asked me to tell you.  My fault, I'm afraid.  I, uh, confused him."

If that was true, Jarrod had left in his work clothes.  "Oh?"

"Well, here's the thing."  Casey picked up a bell pepper from the counter and tossed it from one hand to the other.  "I didn't leave, obviously.  I was waiting for Jarrod to get off work so I could make him teach me something about the tiger.  He's a good teacher, by the way."

RJ didn't bite.  "So I've heard."

"How would you feel about me picking him up?" Casey asked, looking straight at him.

He knew better than that.  RJ looked away.  "I can't stop you," he told the stairs.

Casey let out his breath in a long, controlled sigh.  "You're really frustrating me right now," he said.  There was a dangerous note in his voice when he added, "Just so you know."

"I'm not going to overreact just to make you feel better," RJ said sharply.

Casey snorted.  "You're not going to react at all, apparently."

"I guess you shouldn't have let Jarrod go home," he said, turning away.  There was plenty to do on the other side of the kitchen.  Where Casey wasn't.

"Well, you won't tell me anything," Casey said.  "I figured he'd be good for some information, anyway.  And I'm asking, so I don't know what the big deal is.  Do you mind if I pick him up or not?"

"I mind," RJ said, because it was true.  Not because he expected anything.

"Fine."  There was movement, a whisper like Casey straightening up and putting the pepper down.  Footsteps.  Nothing else, and it finally occurred to RJ that Casey was going to leave.

"Wait."  Lily and Theo were out there.  "What does that mean?"

"It means Jarrod's world goes back to the way it was," Casey said.  His voice sounded faintly amused, but his footsteps had stopped.  "He doesn't have to decide whether to have an affair with his boss' boyfriend or not.  Lucky him."

RJ turned around.  "Why would you do that?"

Casey didn't pretend to misunderstand.  "Because I like you, RJ.  Even when you're totally off, I like you.  So I'm going to go find someone slightly more responsive than you are right now, hang out, and I'll be back at five."

RJ stared at him for a long moment, but Casey didn't look at him.  "Go out the back door," he said at last.

Casey held up his hands as he came around the table.  He kept a wide berth between him and RJ on his way to the other door.  The kitchen was much quieter after he'd gone, and RJ was finally alone.

It was what he'd wanted, after all.

21. Fluids in Motion

Theo stayed until close that night.  And to their credit, Casey almost bought it.  If he'd switched shifts with Fran instead of just joining her it would have been more plausible, but even with four people on the restaurant was busy.  Casey didn't have any experience with the Friday schedule, so how did he know they didn't always have a flex worker?

They were getting ready for a party on Saturday, RJ said.  He tapped Fran for kitchen duty, which meant two things to Casey: he had very little excuse to hang out back there, finding busywork--there wasn't any with Fran around--and he spent a lot of time with Theo.  The two of them covered the floor while Fran and RJ turned the kitchen into a danger zone with flying dough and spinning pans.

Theo and Casey played Tip Wars.  They were splitting them with Fran at the end of the evening anyway, so it didn't really matter who got more... except to Theo.  And, by extension, to Casey.  He was happy to compete with Theo for as long as Theo would play.

Weirdly, though, Theo didn't get excited about it.  Casey had fun entertaining his tables, and it wasn't like Theo had ever been as easy to wind up as, say, Fran.  That didn't mean he didn't notice when the guy was quieter than usual.  And he definitely was.

"Lily wants me to start doing yoga with her," Theo said, when Casey mentioned it in passing.  "Our first class is tomorrow.  I'm trying to practice my meditative flow."

"I think you've got it down," Casey told him, amused.

"Yeah?"  That was the first break in Theo's "meditative flow" all night, and he immediately covered it up.  "I mean, yeah.  Obviously."

Casey clapped him on the shoulder.  "You'll totally impress her."

Theo took this as his due--until Casey frowned a little.  "What?" Theo demanded.  "You don't think I can do it?"

"No, that's not it," Casey assured him.  "I was just..."  He hesitated, and Theo was actually irritated.  He smiled.  "I'm trying to picture Lily being quiet long enough to meditate her way through a yoga class."

A smile cracked Theo's cold expression.  "Yeah, well.  She's very flexible."

Casey raised his eyebrows, but Theo just held up his hand.  "She's good at yoga," he elaborated, no trace of embarrassment even though he'd clearly gotten Casey's implication.  "That's all."

And Theo was good at calm, Casey thought.  Admittedly, it was one of the things that made him so good on the JKP floor.  But this was definitely an escalation of his usual focus.

He managed to lure Fran out of the kitchen by talking up one of her desserts to table two, and they agreed that it would totally enhance their karmic experience to have her serve it for them.  "Want me to carry anything?" he called after her, as she balanced a tray through the door with typical Fran-like flair.

Which was to say, she made you think she was about to drop it right up until the point where she spun it around and the whole thing made some sort of origami temple on the table in front of you.

"No, thanks, I'm good!" she called back.  "I've got it!"

Casey grinned, closing the door before the origami moment not because he didn't want to see it, but because he suspected he might not have long.  Turning to survey the kitchen, he caught RJ just as he was flinging cheese down a row of pizzas.  One, two, three, four, and he only missed the fifth one but he still looked disappointed.

"Sorry," Casey teased.  "Did I break your concentration there?"

RJ seemed to consider this without looking up.  "I suppose that's one explanation, though I personally would like to believe I can handle an audience."

"Speaking of," Casey said, "my roommate's band is playing at O'Connell's tonight.  Want to go?"

RJ hesitated.  "I don't have such good associations with O'Connell's right now," he remarked, apparently talking to the table.  He didn't elaborate, leaving Casey to wonder if it was Bhandar or Jarrod or Casey himself.

"Do you skate?" he asked, propping an elbow on the stair railing.  Like he couldn't improvise.  "There's a dance party at the rink that goes 'til 12:30.  I've never been, but I hear they rent skates and play loud music and there's some crazy disco lighting."

That made RJ look up.  "Won't your roommate miss you at the bar?" he asked curiously.

"I'm trying to date you," Casey said, smiling a little.  "Not him."

"I think we already had our date for the day," RJ said, moving down the table to fix the fifth pizza.  "A rather extended one, at that."

"Oh, is there a daily limit, now?"  Every instinct he had was telling him to move in, to get closer... that RJ was weak.  He was only barely turning Casey down as it was.  A little more incentive and they would have themselves a deal.

"I suppose you could just ask someone else," RJ said, brushing cheese off of his hands.

Casey rolled his eyes.  "Well, yeah, if it didn't bother you.  If you don't like Jarrod, and you don't like random clubgoers, I don't know who you have in mind."

The kitchen door opened, and hey, there was Theo.  How unsurprising.  He'd even managed to find an empty pitcher as an excuse.  "I need water," he announced, pointing at Casey, "and table three's looking for their check."

"It's probably not in the water," Casey said, pushing away from the stairs.  "But I'll see what I can do."

"I've got the water," Theo retorted.  "Just take care of your table."

"Sure thing, boss," Casey said easily.  He caught the flicker of chagrin from RJ, but Theo was annoyingly silent.  If he and Lily could combine her flexibility and his focus, they wouldn't need beginner yoga classes.  They could skip straight to teaching.

On the other hand, Theo had at least confirmed something for him.  RJ was being watched.  Supervised, somehow.  Maybe looked after, Casey couldn't tell.  But something had happened between the time Jarrod left and the time Casey came back... and it was definitely about him.

Maybe Jarrod had been a mistake?  They were weirdly loyal around here.  The whole totem thing seemed to inspire a very "us and them" mentality.  Maybe breaking trust with one of them meant breaking it with all of them.

Theo didn't act like he was exacting punishment, though.  And Fran was as nice to him as ever.  They were just quiet and... very present.  Anywhere RJ was, they also were.

He could play that game.  He got Fran out of the kitchen a couple more times, just to see what Theo would do, but he knew how to allay suspicion.  The first time, when Fran was on her break, he pretended he was going to the kitchen and ducked into the bathroom instead when Theo glanced away.  He would have loved to hear what Theo said when he walked into the kitchen and found only RJ.

The second time, he called Fran out front to help him with napkin arranging, which she did better than anyone else.  He made a big deal of it, and two of his tables ended up wanting to learn.  So he offered to go back and get some more "practice napkins."

He told RJ the story over his shoulder as he was collecting them, and on his way out he passed Theo coming in.  He just smiled when Theo blinked at him, nonplussed.  And he and Fran and tables one and two arranged napkins.

The last time, while they were cleaning up, he figured he'd built himself a little bit of a buffer.  Theo had to be getting tired of chasing him, and he'd concluded over the course of the night that Fran didn't know what was going on.  So he waited until Fran came out to help with the floor, gave her the broom, and offered to mop if she swept.  Theo, standing at the cash register, didn't even look up when Casey walked past him into the kitchen.

RJ was standing in front of the refrigerator, frowning at the closed door.  "Psst," Casey said, when he didn't turn.  He sidled as close as the table, but RJ didn't look around until he stopped moving.

"Hmm?"  It was an inquisitive but very non-committal sound.

Casey took it as permission to move around the other side of the table.  "Obviously Theo's on guard duty," he said quietly.  "If it's because of the thing with Jarrod, I'm sorry.  I'll back off.  I guess I can go one night without seeing you."

RJ tilted his head, considering this, and Casey studied him intently.  Calm, like Theo.  Wary, like Theo.  Resigned... not at all like Theo.  RJ had given up and was just waiting for him to try again.  This time, Casey knew, he wouldn't be rebuffed.

"Can I have a kiss before I go?" he murmured.  "You know Theo's gonna walk me to the door.  No way do I get a good night kiss with him watching."

RJ took a step toward him, and Casey took a couple more, and his gentle kiss lingered when RJ opened his mouth and invited a slow... meditation, on the benefits of closeness.  Warm, lazy, heartbreakingly trusting: it wasn't the kiss of someone who was trying to hold him at arm's length.  It was the kiss of someone who was already committed and knew it.

You totally want me, Casey thought, but he remembered the hint about smugness and managed to keep his glee from spilling over.

He wasn't going to back off, of course.  But he would pretend to leave, getting Theo off his back and giving Dom and Fran a chance to clear out.  Fran had been all about the poetry slam Dom was taking her to earlier, and he figured they'd be out until at least two--once they finally left.

Theo caught him in the kitchen this time.  Luckily he and RJ were on opposite sides of it by then, and RJ was doing a surprisingly good job of pretending he wasn't pretending not to look at him.  Casey assumed that was why Theo did walk him to the door, but not all the way to the bus stop.

Casey didn't assume that the only eyes were inside, so he headed for the bus stop anyway.  Once there, he found a cute girl to chat up--she wouldn't even talk to him until he gave her the secret signal of gay--and told her a not entirely fictional story about trying to alleviate his boyfriend's friends' suspicions by getting his own ride home.  She was appropriately sympathetic and invited him to, of all things, the poetry slam Fran had been so excited about.

"You give me way too much credit," he said, grinning at her.  "My boyfriend's friends are right; I'm totally stalking him.  I'm just hanging out here until they're gone and I can go back and knock on his window."

Either she was unusually gullible--which he would bet against, given her initial reluctance--or his powers were exactly as high as he needed them to be, because she seemed to find this more charming than creepy.  "Tell him to get some new friends," she advised.

Casey grinned.  "No kidding, right?  But he likes 'em, so.  I guess it comes with the territory."

"I want to be gay," she told him.  "You're way more well-adjusted than anyone I know."

That made him laugh.  "There's a secret," he admitted, leaning back against the edge of the shelter.  "It's not gay people.  It's out gay people.  Anyone who has the guts to be open about it is self-confident enough to deal with the rest of the world."

The girl tilted her head, and he felt a twinge at the familiar gesture.  "That's an interesting observation," she mused.  "Since the default assumption is straight, we lump anyone who doesn't come right out and say 'I'm gay' in with the heterosexuals.  I guess that would tend to... skew our perception of gay people."

"Toward the most outspoken members of the community," he agreed, amused.  "You're diluting your self-perception by being so inclusive."

She smiled.  "Okay, now I know you're not normal.  Did you just call the mainstream inclusive?"

"'He drew a circle that shut me out,'" Casey quoted.  "'Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.  But love and I had the wit to win: we drew a circle that took him in.'"

The lights of the next bus were sweeping down the road, and she put her hands in her pockets.  Clearly looking for something.  "Here," she said, pulling out a crinkled piece of paper and producing a crayon stub from somewhere.  He watched with amusement as she scribbled something in the half-dark of the linear shadows under the bus shelter.

"That's the coffee shop number," she said, holding the paper out to him.  "If your boyfriend's friends don't go away, call.  The voice menu might convince you to come to the poetry slam.  If nothing else, it's really funny."

"Why do you have a crayon in your pocket?" he wanted to know, taking the piece of paper as the bus pulled up.

"Lunch at Denny's," she said cryptically.  The doors opened and no one got off, so she hooked her thumb in her pocket and waved as she backed toward the bus.  "Good luck with your friend."

He flipped the paper over when the bus was gone and found a smoothie receipt.  She'd written a number on the back, followed by the words "poetry slam" and, underneath, "(Nature)."  She hadn't seemed like the type to want to give her name, so he hadn't asked, and he had to wonder if that was really it.

Casey was pretty sure RJ wouldn't appreciate finding someone else's number in his pocket, and if all went well, that would be a real possibility.  So he put it in his phone under "CSPS Nature," idly noted the type of smoothie, and threw the receipt in the trash.  Then he headed back toward the restaurant.

22) Equilibrium Between Phases of Matter

Wolf didn't always come with him when he ran.  Except in the sense that the wolf never truly left him.  The animal spirit was with him everywhere, of course, but its physical manifestation was often superfluous.

At night, though, on the street, he found the wolf's menacing silhouette served a purpose.  He could handle anything that came his way, but handling it well often meant knowing how to divert trouble instead of engaging it.  He was, as Jarrod and Dom often reminded him, living in the human world, not the jungle.  There were human rules and human considerations.

If the irony that they would be the ones to remind him of this ever occurred to them, neither had mentioned it.

The wolf sensed Casey's presence from much too far away and he slowed down, turning around the block again instead of heading straight for the restaurant.  So much for not seeing him.  And the wolf was happy about it, which was probably going to drive him crazy before this was all over.

He liked this one.  RJ liked this one, and the clan wanted him to be happy, and if his wayward heart and their sentimentality were responsible for revealing Pai Zhua to the general public--even the general magical public--he would never forgive himself for it.  

And yet.  

He liked this one.

He didn't have to go back; he could leave the business district easily enough and crash at Jarrod's place for the night.  That would be the sensible thing to do, the smart thing.  To avoid Casey as much as possible.  How could he ask the rest of the clan to be on guard when it was his weakness putting them in danger?

How could he protect them if he couldn't even face his own demons?

The wolf growled as they turned onto Ocean Boulevard, and at first he thought the spirit had bought a clue.  But no... the closer they got to JKP, the more he could feel it too.  Someone was in trouble, and RJ had a bad feeling that he knew who it was.

They looked fine at first, just a bunch of kids hanging around under a streetlight.  But one of them was Casey, and two of them were standing way too close to him.  RJ slowed, letting Wolf go on ahead and strolling up as casually as he could.  Whatever it was, he didn't doubt that Casey had instigated it, but there were things he wouldn't tolerate in front of his... well, anywhere.

"Hi," he said, giving the group a onceover.  Eyes flicking to Casey, he added, "Coming in?"

Casey, weirdly, took a step back.  "Uh... I'd better not.  Thanks, though.  I'll just, uh, see you at work tomorrow?"

"Ooh, rejected," one of the guys sneered.  Standing within arm's reach of Casey, he really should have known better than to draw RJ's attention.  "Guess you'll have to find another gay hooker, huh, buddy?"

"You should know," RJ told him, "that although it's not in my nature, and I would be sorry to see you hurt, I've had a very frustrating day and I do believe I would derive a grim satisfaction from punching you in the face."

Wolf growled again, attracting everyone's attention with a menacing glare that probably did more to convince them than anything RJ could say.  The two too-close guys backed off, and the third looked ready to run for it.  "Give me a reason," RJ told him.

That did it.  Or Wolf's bared teeth did it.  It didn't really matter, and as he watched them go he remarked, "It's actually a very safe town.  I don't know how you managed to bring out their inner predator so quickly, but I wish you hadn't.  Now they'll be wandering the streets all night."

"Nah," Casey said.  "They'll be all right once they get away from me."

RJ turned to look at him.  Hands in his pockets, leaning back against the base of the light, he looked perfectly composed.  "Why would you do that?" RJ asked, not sure he wanted to know.  "Does it feel good to thwart them?  Or do you just like making me angry?"

"I was looking for you," Casey said, unmoved.  "The hungrier I am, the less control I have over what I do to people."

That made the protective instincts he'd been trying to ignore ache, and there was nothing he could do to soften his reaction.  "That didn't look like a survival instinct to me," RJ said, barely keeping his voice even.

"No," Casey said patiently.  "I'm not hungry now.  But I knew I was going to see you, and I wanted to make sure.  I just grabbed them to make sure I was fine, that I could talk to you and not manipulate you without meaning to."

RJ told himself not to listen, for whatever good it would do.  "So you wanted them to... do that."

"I was going to stop them," Casey said with a sigh.  "I thought you were inside.  I didn't think you'd come along and see me."

He folded his arms, gripping his elbows.  "Is there a reason you're here?  Other than the obvious?"

"Well."  Casey's hesitation was tinged with a wry humor.  "I could tell you I forgot my sweatshirt, but you probably wouldn't believe me."

"Did you?" RJ couldn't help asking.

Casey nodded sheepishly.

He knew he was courting disaster when he said, "You might as well come in and get it, then."

To his surprise, Casey refused.  "Better not," he said, settling himself more convincingly against the light post.  "Thanks, though.  I didn't realize you were out... running.  It's better if we're not in an enclosed space right now."

"One," RJ said evenly, "Why?  And two, if you acting coy is supposed to make me relax, I assure you... it's not working."

"Yeah, that's kind of the problem."  Casey actually looked uncomfortable.  "Obviously I wanted to see you, and obviously I... I mean--you know why.  Or you don't; you probably think I--I'm not hungry, RJ.  I just want to... see you."

"This is a new act," RJ remarked, looking away.  Just in case.  "You're remarkably good at running through every possible variation."

Casey didn't answer.

That, too, was new, RJ reflected.  Casey had never voluntarily stopped talking before.  "Where did you leave it?" he asked the next building down.  "I'll go in and get it for you."

"It's not that I don't want to come in," Casey blurted out.  "It's just, all I'm thinking about is making out, and I can totally keep myself from putting that on you but I can't keep you from--if you're--when your heart rate's up, you're more vulnerable to..."

Pheromones.  His metabolism was already elevated, and all he needed was the physical suggestion of sex.  Much less the concentrated dose that lingering indoors would provide.  "So move quickly," he said, with forced calm.  "Don't make me coax you, Casey.  I'm not in the mood."

He was already moving, well aware that Casey would follow.  The front door was locked, and the key was inside.  He went around back, pausing by the kitchen door.  "I assume you didn't leave it in your locker."

"I'm pretty sure it's upstairs," Casey mumbled.

Of course it was.  RJ led him upstairs, turned on the lights, and waited by the door, arms folded.  "Well?" he said, when Casey looked at him.  "Get your sweatshirt."

"Don't be mad," Casey said softly, staring at him.  "I didn't forget it on purpose."

"I'm not even convinced it's here," RJ said, looking away.  "Surprise me."

Just like that, Casey was gone.  Walking obediently across the loft... away from RJ.  RJ thought about leaving again, thought about turning around and walking down the stairs and away.  Far away.  If one of them went one way and the other went in the opposite direction--

Would Casey go?  He didn't know that either answer would make it better or worse.  He didn't know that there was anything he could do to stop what was happening.  He did know that he wanted Casey, and he had no idea yet how many people that was going to hurt.

"Got it," Casey's voice said, quiet and unobtrusive and much too close.  RJ drew back even as Casey smiled sadly at him.  "'Night, RJ."

Pity before fear, he reminded himself as Casey turned away.  Emotional manipulation.  Everything he says is a lie.

But Casey's bright red sweatshirt was wrapped around his shoulders, and RJ said, "I don't want you to go."

Casey's steps slowed, but he didn't stop until he was several stairs down, hand on the railing as he turned back to look up at RJ.  "Come out with me," he said.  "It's easier, right?  Less loaded.  I promise not to flirt with anyone you can't stand."

"You like crowds," RJ said, not moving.  "I don't."

"So the beach or something," Casey insisted.  "Away from people, but not so..."  He waved, the gesture encompassing not just the loft but the entire building.  "We'll go for a walk."

RJ tried not to breathe.  It was a silly, futile way of reasserting control.  "Did you leave your sweatshirt here on purpose?"

Casey stared up at him, and after a moment he said, "Yes."

RJ closed his eyes.  "Come in if you're coming," he told the darkness.

23) The Equation of Continuity

It was probably because he wasn't hungry.  Food was food, right?  And he'd just met RJ.  He should be glad of a reaction like this.  He should be thrilled.  RJ wanted him, even knowing what he was, which meant there wasn't a lot he could find out that would change his mind.  And RJ was tearing himself up over it.  Casey barely had to do any work at all.

Maybe that was the problem... it was too easy.  It made him twitchy.  It made him want to--

He reached out, running the tip of his finger from RJ's temple to the top of his ear.  "Tell me what you want," he murmured.  "Let me make you happy, RJ.  Please."

Those troubled eyes opened, staring into his with an expression Casey couldn't fathom.  "Why?" RJ asked, and for just a moment, Casey couldn't tell how much of it was goading and how much was hurt.  "This isn't good enough for you?"

"I'm not hungry," Casey said steadily.  "I waited because I wanted to see you.  That's all."

"You lied about leaving twice today," RJ replied.  "You've given me three different stories about why you came back.  Want to go for an even double?"

"Thought you didn't trust me," Casey retorted.  "Why so surprised?"

RJ raised an eyebrow, studying him.  The sudden sharpness of his focus was fresh and sweet and a little disconcerting.  "Does that... bother you?"

"What?" Casey said, frowning.

"That I don't... trust you," RJ said carefully.  "Or I try not to.  I can't help it if my default assumption is honesty."

"Can't you?" Casey countered.  "My default assumption is whatever works.  Why do you think I can change if you have to write yourself notes reminding you that I lie?"

RJ was very still even while his mind raced.  Mental checklist, Casey guessed.  Everything in the loft he hadn't wanted Casey to see, odds that it had been seen, how serious that might be and what Casey would or wouldn't understand.  He was afraid.  He wasn't angry.  And Casey wondered, once again, what kind of secrets RJ had that concern for his friends always came first.

"I added to the one under your pillow," he remarked, deliberately casual.  "'I sneak around your apartment and look at all your stuff.  You should probably put that in the 'bad' column.  Love, Casey.'"

The fear eased, unexpectedly, not cut off or forced down but subsumed.  By surprise, curiosity... amusement.  Distracted, Casey could only stare at him in fascination.  "You are weird," he murmured, watching the warmth ripple around RJ as he spoke.

"The problem," RJ said, "is that it isn't all a lie."  He put his palm flat against Casey's chest without warning, without asking, but if he'd called the tiger it wasn't answering.  Or at least, Casey couldn't feel it.

"If it was, this would make sense," RJ continued, watching his fingers rise and fall with Casey's breathing.  "You say you're not hungry, you are.  You say you want to make me happy, you don't.  You provoke me so you can enjoy the reaction.  Question answered.

"But some of it's true," RJ said, lifting his gaze to Casey's.  "Isn't it."  He paused just long enough to make it clear he'd gotten eye color down.  "You're really not hungry.  Thus the question remains."

He was being led.  Casey didn't appreciate that, but he reluctantly played along.  "What question?"

"If you're not mocking me," RJ said thoughtfully, and Casey got the feeling this wasn't the question at all.  "What possible reason could you have for acting... defensive?"

"Maybe I have a crush on you," Casey suggested, narrowing his eyes.  "Maybe I flirt with everyone else to make the huge amounts of attention I send your way look less creepy."

"Maybe I'm in love with you," RJ replied calmly, "and I can't change my default assumptions because what I want most is to be able to believe you."

Oh, and this would have been the perfect time for him to shut down, turn off, hide the reality behind the whimsy of his words.  RJ had said he didn't always notice when he was doing it, but evidence did suggest the ability to summon that silence on command.  He didn't.  Not now.  And the force of that statement was blinding.

"I can't grant wishes," Casey said.  By rote.  Out of habit.  Something to fill the void while he tried to decide whether "love" was a plausible option.

"You could grant this one," RJ said quietly.

His warmth, the swirl of everything good--it was overwhelming, and it only intensified when Casey's hand slid off of his shoulder to rest against his chest.  It wasn't a conscious echo of RJ's gesture; it was... that light drew him.  He tried to hold it off, tried to keep himself from stepping into it for just a second--

And something stronger rose.  Something that understood the presence in front of him on a fundamental level, something that knew it and wanted to be with it.  Something that Casey had so not counted on when he tried to sort the motivation behind RJ's words.

He was kissing RJ, that mouth gentle and sweet under his like he had just somehow missed the moment when they both agreed.  And for the first time he felt guilty, because he had missed it, and he hadn't meant to do this.  Not yet.  But he couldn't stop.  Because hungry or not, RJ was alive and glowing and he wasn't lying.

"No one--"  He felt the strange softness that sometimes seemed to accompany RJ's touch, like something... sneaking into his brain, something... like being held from the inside, soothed, whispered to with words he couldn't quite hear.  He felt like he couldn't breathe and it didn't matter with warmth everywhere and light he couldn't see through--

His mouth was free and he hadn't even noticed.  RJ was letting him talk.  "No one's loved me for a long time," he mumbled, not totally sure he was saying it out loud.  

And weirdly, it was RJ's amusement that filtered through, silver threads that made the warmth glitter.  He knew the feeling.  He didn't say it, though, and Casey knew RJ didn't believe him.  In some ways it was a relief--he shouldn't have said that--but he couldn't help wondering how much stronger the feeling would be if RJ actually trusted him.

The rough edge of reality in his thoughts, like everything was sharper beneath the light that revealed a world he hadn't known was there... "That's your totem," he murmured, trying to--he fumbled for the contact, fingers curling against RJ's chest as he tried to--touch it.  But it wasn't really there.

"Look at me," RJ said quietly.

His eyes flew open, surprised he'd had them shut.  He was only inches from RJ, their hands between them--he wasn't being held.  It was dark in the loft, darker than it had been, but maybe only by contrast.  He didn't want to be this far away.  He leaned in to kiss and RJ turned his head, prompting a whimper... why so alone?

"Not with your eyes," RJ whispered.  "Close your eyes.  You said Jarrod taught you.  Show me."

"I don't--"  Casey felt something respond, and the loft was bright and invisible again as it brushed against--  "You're--"

"The wolf," RJ murmured.  "I'm the wolf."

It was all around him, that sense of openness and freedom, the start of the day.  The second presence resolved with those words: he could see it, he could--he couldn't see, but he could feel the comforting press of a spirit that welcomed him.  Wanted him to follow.

Tiger, he thought.

Look at me, RJ said.

Casey gasped, jerking so hard he should have pulled away except that RJ didn't let him go.  The light didn't shift but the ground did and he couldn't tell if he was falling or walking until RJ slammed into him.  The wolf had its paws on his chest and he was laughing, the sky spinning above him as he sprawled.

"You're talking," he said, and the words were funny in his ears.

It was the floor under his back, the windowed ceiling of the loft over his head with the streetlights diffuse and orange through the frosted glass.  RJ was worried, afraid for him for once, and Casey soaked it up like sand in the rain.  The wolf was gone.  But RJ was here, and his hands were quick and concerned as they slid under Casey's head and down his neck.

"Are you all right?" RJ was asking, and it took a moment to understand the question because seriously, he was riding the currents of that storm like a crowd, like a mob, the passion that only a group of people could generate: RJ did it, somehow, as though he and the wolf were separate entities, amplifying each other...

"Casey," RJ insisted, the wolf growling, and Casey fumbled for his hand.  He'd definitely fallen.  And taken RJ down with him, by the looks of it.  But come on, the wolf had talked to him!

"Not that good a teacher," he heard RJ murmur, and he felt himself laugh again, fingers clenching on RJ's hand, pulling him closer.

"A poor substitute for you," Casey said, breathless even as he got his head up and uncurled right into RJ's arms.  "What is that?  How do you do that?  Can I do that?  I wasn't kidding about that crush, you know."

It was so rare that things slipped out that he didn't mean to say.  He had no idea why his voice was betraying him tonight.  But RJ wasn't even listening, disbelieving again as he helped Casey up.  That was actually getting a little frustrating.

"You know how I said my default assumption was whatever works?" Casey muttered, staring at RJ's politely solicitous expression.  He didn't wait for an answer before he added, "It's not working."

This, of course, made RJ smile.  "Maybe it's time for a new assumption," he suggested, and his hand was back on Casey's chest.  "The tiger said something, you know.  The first time.  Or... not the first time, but.  When I asked it about you."

"It talked to you?"  Casey looked down at the hand on his chest, then lifted his own to stare at it.  "When?  Just now?"

"Last night," RJ said.  He was looking at Casey's hand too.  "When I--when I forced it to manifest.  When it hurt."

Casey's mouth twisted, and he thought, So, nothing good.  But all he said was, "Why couldn't I hear it?"

"You... could," RJ said slowly.  "It's--you.  It would have been... whatever you were saying to me."

Casey frowned.

"We're dying to live," RJ said, his voice careful and quiet.  He hadn't taken his eyes off of Casey's hand, and Casey was reluctant to let it fall while RJ was looking.  He wanted to--he wanted it back on RJ's chest, wanted that crazy feeling of overlapping reality--

"That's what the tiger said," RJ continued.  "I think it's trying to give you a chance to... be like the rest of us.  If you want to."

"No," Casey blurted out.  RJ flinched, and he caught the hand on his chest before it could pull away.  "No, I mean--that's not what it means, not that I don't--it's--"

RJ looked away, and Casey curled his fingers around that hand.  "Kevin says that," he said.  "All the time.  'We're dying to live.'  It means you can't live without dying.  There's nothing in life that doesn't end, change... nothing's forever.  That's what makes it worth doing."

Why would the tiger have told him that, Casey wondered?  What could have prompted him to say that to RJ?  He could barely remember the experience, just the tearing pain that came with it, overwhelming everything else.  He didn't remember any... conversation.

"I'm not afraid to die," RJ said softly.

And if that wasn't the saddest thing he'd ever heard, he didn't know what was.  His fingers clenched involuntarily, and RJ twitched--like it had surprised him, like he was about to pull back.  Casey pulled him closer instead, cupping his free hand against RJ's face and staring intently into eyes that couldn't look away.

"Because you're not living," Casey murmured.  "You have to have something to be scared of losing it."

RJ's fear, nervous and bracing, made him stiff where he stood.  But he didn't quash it.  He didn't retreat into himself or cut Casey off or do anything but whisper, "Your eyes are gold."

Casey didn't even blink.  "You're the one who invited me in."

The phone rang as he leaned in, but as soon as his mouth met RJ's it didn't matter.  He couldn't hear it anyway.  The world flared violet and bright and the connection between them burned, totems--spirits--twining so determinedly even Casey could feel it.  Could recognize the surrender.  This wasn't his anymore, and he didn't care if RJ was going to kiss him like that.

He attacked, the instinct driving his mind even as RJ's desire drove his body.  He was helpless to hold back.  The wolf didn't resist, rolling over and lighting him up with fire and lust and a fierce affection that was as unfathomable as it was unfamiliar.

He really, really hoped RJ didn't die.

24) Linear Thermal Expansion

"Um, RJ?"

Casey was calling him from... somewhere.

"Don't move."  Lily's voice came from just beyond the open door, probably the landing kitchen.  "Where is he?"

The air mattress shifted as he rolled over, flowing to his feet before he was fully awake.  Something bad was happening.  The spill of light from the door drew him across the darkened room... but the cool air on his skin was enough to make him stop for clothes.

Casey sounded cautious as he said, "In... the bedroom?"

"We tried to call."  Dom's voice was vaguely apologetic.  "Lily was pretty determined."

"Because that girl said Casey was here!" Fran exclaimed.  "I think we should make sure RJ's okay!"

RJ pulled the door open the rest of the way and found Lily on the other side, hand raised to knock.  Or push.  "Hello, Lily," he said, blinking away sleep in the colored light of the loft.  "Is there something I can do for you?"

She folded her arms.  "I looked up psychic vampires," she told him.  Loud enough for everyone to hear, obviously.  He wondered how many of them were around the corner on the landing.  "Then I did some checking.  You said he couldn't hurt you, RJ."

He put a hand over his eyes, pretending to rub the sleep away as he squinted down at the floor.  "I also told you not to trust me," he said quietly.  "I told you I'd try to protect him."

"Would you let the man out of his bedroom already?" Dom called.  "No one's going to do anything weird while we're all here."  There was a pause, and then, "Right, Fran?"

Fran sounded a bit huffy.  "Right.  I guess.  It's not like I see everything.  And maybe he hasn't decided yet; you don't know."

"Um, is it okay if I eat this?" Casey's voice asked.  "I mean, it's going to melt otherwise.  I could put it back in the freezer if we're in the middle of some sort of crisis."

RJ couldn't help but smile.  Casey had clearly found the ice cream.  He had a knack for identifying whatever would make himself seem most harmless in any given situation... and somehow managing to begin it right before he needed to look innocuous.

"RJ," Lily whispered.  She hadn't moved from his doorway.  "Are you okay?

"I'm alive," he said softly.  "So far, so good."

She didn't answer, staring at him for a long moment, and the silence from the landing didn't register until Dom called, "I think we can all hear you, so why don't you just come out here before Casey eats all the maple pecan swirl?"

Lily finally took a step back, and he inclined his head in thanks.

"I put it in a bowl!" Casey countered.  He was holding said bowl as RJ stepped out through the arch onto the landing, Lily close and calm at his side.  He was also dressed in sweats and a t-shirt... RJ's, but RJ appreciated the effort.

"It's not like I'm polishing off the carton or anything," Casey continued, though his gaze went immediately to RJ.  "Hi.  They talked to me first, I swear.  I didn't say anything, really, and I tried not to look at them."

"You told him not to move," RJ said with a sigh.  "Next time you should probably ask him not to talk.  He channels a lot through his voice."

"His eyes are yellow," Lily said, not looking at Casey.  "That's bad, right?"

"Hey, he's right here."  Dom sounded a little uncomfortable.  "Sorry, man.  We're really careful with strangers."

Casey, wisely, didn't say anything.

"It depends how you look at it," RJ told Lily.  "When they're black he has to feed.  Period.  When they're yellow he can afford to be choosy.  He's also more subtle.  The stronger he is, the harder it is to recognize his influence."

Casey's spoon clinked against his bowl, and RJ definitely wasn't watching him put it in his mouth and swallow.  "I see you got to Lily and Theo," Casey remarked.

"You got Jarrod and Dom," RJ replied, watching the spoon dig into his ice cream again.  "It seems only fair."

Casey put another spoonful in his mouth, smiling when he caught RJ's eye.  "Who gets Fran?"

RJ tore his gaze away.  Dom was looking at him, eyebrows raised, and Fran was glaring at Casey.  "At a guess?" RJ said carefully.  "Probably me."

"I guess it depends whether she's more likely to believe Dom or Lily."  Casey shrugged, like it didn't really matter.  "I'd go with Lily, personally."

"Hey!" Dom complained.  "You're welcome for the support, and next time, could you pick up after yourselves?  Clearly some of the clothes came off before the bedroom.  That's all I'm saying."

"Dom, really," Lily said, rolling her eyes.  "Focus."

"Why does he still believe you?" RJ asked, frowning at Casey.  "We're all implicating you, you're not talking to him, and he's still defending you."

Dom opened his mouth to protest and RJ knew he'd hurt him.  He also knew that was probably what it would take.  But he wasn't prepared to hear Casey pre-empt Dom's reply by saying quietly, "Because he wants you to be happy."

RJ's gaze flicked to Dom.  He got a pointed stare in return.  "You like him," Dom said evenly.  "I'm gonna give him a chance."

"I like him too," Fran argued.  "But he could hurt RJ, and I don't know about you, but I like RJ better!"

"You're taking advantage of him."  Lily spoke directly to Casey this time, who paused with his ice cream spoon in his mouth.  He managed to look guilty in a way that had nothing to do with her accusation.

"Aren't you," Lily insisted.  It wasn't a question, but she clearly expected a reply.

Casey glanced at RJ, who wasn't about to answer for him.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Casey said.  "But your boss isn't exactly defenseless.  For whatever reason, he's decided to help me.  I give him fifty-fifty odds, and believe me, that's way better than anyone else I've met."

"Fifty-fifty?" Lily repeated, and now it was RJ she was glaring at.  "You're hearing this, right?  If it's heads you help him, tails you die, I personally think you could do better."

"Probably true," RJ said.  "But I love him."

He saw Dom give him a sharp look, but Lily didn't seem to attribute any special significance to the words.  "RJ, you love everyone," she reminded him.  "The difference is that most of them love you back, and also, they don't want to kill you!"

He considered that.  Fran was staring at him, and he thought Casey was trying not to.  Or maybe his ice cream really was that interesting.  It was impossible to know what his priorities were.

"But I want this one," RJ said.

"Fran."  Lily turned to her only female ally in the clan.  "Help me!"

"No, you know what?"  Casey's bowl clattered against the counter as he set it down.  "You know what RJ thinks about, all the time?  You.  All of you.  What you want, what's best for you, how to keep you safe.  Let him have something he wants for a change."

Fran looked uncertain, but Lily retorted, "Something you made him want."

"I wish," Casey shot back.  "Like he's not worth it!"

"Lily," Dom said under his breath.  "Maybe we should let this one go."

"Why, because he makes us feel bad?" Lily demanded.  "That's what they do!"

"He doesn't make me feel bad," RJ said.  "If you're curious."

Lily turned to him, and she must have seen something on his face that made her change her mind about whatever she was going to say.  Fran jumped in, though, and he mostly wished she hadn't.  "He will.  He won't be able to help it."

"If he can't be held responsible," RJ said reasonably, "why punish him for it?"

"It's not about punishing him," Lily insisted.  "It's about protecting you."

RJ studied her.  He was aware that the younger cats were only willing to accept his instruction to a point, certain as they were that he was in jungle exile for a reason.  He didn't have anything to prove, thus he had never explained.

That, he supposed, might have been a mistake.

"Desire noted," he told her.  "Protection... I think I can do without."

"Okay," Dom said, folding his arms.  "I think that's our cue to head out.  Lily, can me and Fran give you a ride?"

She sent him a distracted look that was half indignant, half amused.  "I'm the one with the car."

"Right," Dom agreed cheerfully.  "So, can we get a ride from you?"

"Maybe--"  Casey wasn't working on his ice cream anymore, RJ noticed.  He hadn't finished it yet, either.  Very clever.  Silent way of communicating uncertainty.  "Maybe Dom should stay."

He glanced at RJ before anyone could say anything.  "I mean--would that make it better?  Or worse?"

RJ raised his eyebrows.  "Are you planning to seduce him too?"

Casey's sweet awkwardness vanished in a heartbeat.  "Not unless you want me to," he said, with a lazy drawl that made him sound exactly as dangerous as he was.  Or maybe it was the offer--one on which RJ had no doubt he could make good.

"We're going," Dom told them.  "Casey, if you hurt him, we will destroy you.  I'm not kidding.  RJ... try to remember that you're not alone, okay?  No matter what he tells you, you don't need him."

RJ could feel Casey's eyes on him.  All of them.  They were all staring at him, and as much as it irritated him, the moment he noticed he was annoyed, Casey looked away.  That almost annoyed him more.

Almost.

Fran had to hug him before she went, which of course prompted Lily to hug him too.  Dom just rolled his eyes.  "I'll be back in half an hour," he said.  "Pick up your clothes and shut the door this time, okay?"

Casey picked up his bowl instead and lifted it in a mock-toast.

"Don't eat all of that," Dom told him, shepherding Lily and Fran toward the stairs.  "Or you're buying me more."