First & Forever

by Starhawk

Chapters:

1. Epilogue
(chasing the sun)
2. Approval
(a little prayer)
(elsewhere)
3. Reunion
(the visit)
4. Starlight
(family)
5. Identity

1. Epilogue

"Oh, my god..."

Her whisper seemed impossibly loud in the quiet room, but Andros didn't stir. As her awareness drifted back from the edge of sleep she found herself curled up against his bare chest, her fingers around his wrist as she hugged his arms close to her. When she shifted incrementally, she could feel his skin against hers under the covers.

"Oh my god," she breathed again, eyes widening as she realized what had happened. She felt a smile threatening to split her face, and she bit her lip in a futile effort to contain it. She couldn't think past the lazy delight that welled up in her as the memory of the night before came rushing back.

Finally she dared to lift her head, heart racing as she wondered what she might see in his eyes when he opened them. But he was still asleep, and she had a few moments to enjoy the expression of utter peace on his face. Rarely did he look as vulnerable as he did when he slept, and the fact that he shared that with her never failed to warm her heart.

She lifted one hand and laid it carefully on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath her fingers. She suppressed a giggle as she remembered his laughter the night before--he was ticklish in places she would never have expected, and she would never forget the way he had shared himself so completely. She would never forget that first time, when he had held nothing back and she had known beyond a shadow of a doubt that they *knew* each other.

"I love you," she whispered, keeping her eyes on his face as she settled back against his pillow. *I know you, and I love you.*

It was that knowing that made the night before so special, really. She had to admit, if only to herself, that sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But seeing the unshuttered emotion in Andros' eyes when he kissed her, being able to touch him without reservation and say anything without worrying how it sounded... those were things she wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

*Love you, too,* Andros' voice answered, and she felt a smile spreading across her face again.

His eyes opened slowly, focusing on hers with an endearing certainty. "Morning," he whispered, as though afraid to disturb the quiet.

"Hi," she said softly.

She saw an answering smile begin on his face, a slow, unconcerned look of happiness that spread across his features as he studied her. His expression was as open as it had been the night before, hiding nothing from her, and as she watched his eyes stare back into hers she knew it was going to be all right.

With a contented sigh, she snuggled a little closer. "I like this," she murmured, tucking her head against his shoulder.

"Me too," he said quietly. His fingers brushed her cheek, and she let her eyes slide shut as she savored the sensation.

She smiled a little then as it occurred to her that this was the true victory. No matter what Cetaci had said the day before, this was what they had really been fighting for: the right to live and love in peace.

"It is six-thirty in Angel Grove," DECA's voice interjected, and she started a little as the lights brightened.

Andros smoothed her hair soothingly, but she couldn't help sighing. "I forgot about school," she mumbled, not wanting to move.

"Thanks, DECA," Andros said, still stroking her hair. "I wish you didn't have to go," he added more quietly, addressing her this time.

"I wish I didn't have to go *anywhere*," she said with a small smile. She squirmed away from him enough that she could stretch, blinking her eyes hard in an effort to rouse herself from sleepy indolence.

She felt him shift beside her, and she caught her breath as he trailed his fingers across her skin. "You're beautiful, you know," he murmured.

She turned her head to gaze up at him, smiling at the look in his eyes. He had propped himself up on one elbow, hair spilling over his bare shoulders as he stared down at her. "Don't say that," she teased gently, touched by his sincerity. "Or I really won't go at all."

"You're beautiful," he repeated without hesitation. He leaned down and kissed her mouth softly, whispering, "I've never known anyone more beautiful than you."

She closed her eyes, letting him kiss her again and wondering if it was really that important to graduate from high school after all. Who cared about classes when she could lie here with her boyfriend, on his spaceship, for the rest of her life?

She was vaguely aware of the commotion in the hallway, but it didn't register as unusual until Andros pulled away with a rueful chuckle. "I should have known he'd pull something like this," he muttered.

She opened her eyes, straining to hear what was going on. It was Zhane's voice that she was hearing, she realized; that must have been what made Andros laugh. He was out in the corridor with... TJ, it sounded like. The both of them were carrying on loudly enough to be heard through the walls, pounding on doors and just generally making enough of a ruckus that it would be easier to get up than to try to ignore them for any length of time.

Andros' room was at the very end of the corridor, but it appeared that just because he didn't have to go to school didn't mean he would be allowed to sleep in. It was Zhane who banged on the door, yelling, "Rise and shine, Andros! Get out of bed and help us get these kids off to school! Come on, no rest for the weary!"

Ashley rolled over, muffling her giggles with Andros' pillow. "If only he knew," she managed, between giggles.

"Oh, he will," Andros said dryly. "You don't think you're going to be able to get out of here unnoticed with that going on in the hallway, do you?"

She shook her head, trying to contain her mirth. Leave it to Zhane to get everyone going on the most anti-climatic of days. "No," she admitted, hugging Andros' blanket around her as she struggled to sit up. "But since they all think we've been sleeping together for weeks anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter."

"Do you mind?" he asked quietly. His expression was suddenly serious as he watched her fish around on the floor for her discarded clothes. "DECA could teleport you back to your room, if you wanted."

T-shirt in hand, she hesitated. "I don't mind if you don't," she said, watching him carefully.

He shook his head once, and she couldn't help smiling. "Good," she said, a little relieved. "That makes it easier."

This time it was TJ's voice that intruded, and she could hear him banging on her door across the hall. He was yelling for her to get up and get some breakfast, and she had to giggle when she caught Andros' eye again. She waved to warn him, then shouted, "I'm coming already! Sheesh, TJ; chill!"

There was an abrupt and very obvious pause from the hallway, and she bit her lip in an effort not to laugh. Andros' eyes danced, and then Zhane's voice came from right outside the door. "I can think of several very bad jokes right now, and if you two don't move it you're going to hear all of them!"

Ashley stuck her tongue out at the door just as she felt the flicker in her mind that was Andros saying something she wasn't meant to overhear. But Zhane had no such compunction, and his reply came through loud and clear. *Then hurry up!*

She giggled, not needing to ask to know a threat when she heard one. She let go of the blanket a little self-consciously and started to scramble into her clothes as quickly as she could. It wasn't long, though, before Andros sidled up beside her and put his hands on her still-bare shoulders. Pushing her hair to one side, he kissed her neck gently and murmured, "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, relaxing a little. She turned her head and he kissed her again, letting go of her hair before he slid off the edge of the bed to disentangle his clothes from hers.

She paused, forgetting that she was only half-dressed herself as she watched him. As gorgeous as he was, there was something in the way he moved that made him magic to look at. She didn't know what it was, exactly, but she thought it had to come from the inside.

Before she realized it, he was settling down on the floor to wait for her. She blinked, trying not to blush as she pretended she hadn't been staring. She pulled her t-shirt over her head, shrugging her shoulders to wriggle it into the right place. She made a face when her hair wouldn't stay out of the way, and Andros laughed at her, handing her his brush without a word.

She did her best without a mirror, knowing she'd only mess up her hair again when she changed later. Finally she jammed her feet into her sneakers and stood, ducking to avoid the top bunk and reaching down to help Andros up.

"Thanks," he said easily, taking her hand and letting her pull him up. She was struck by an eerie sense of déjà vu, the day they'd first met springing into her mind with vivid detail. She could see him remembering too, and as their eyes met they shared a smile.

"Thank you," she said suddenly, squeezing his hand. "Thanks for--last night."

He looked torn between amusment and confusion. "Why are you thanking me?"

She shrugged, fighting not to blush again and failing miserably. "I don't know," she murmured, not taking her eyes off of him. "I just wanted to."

He smiled again, looking a little relieved. "Good. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some Earth custom I didn't know about." Then he surprised her by pulling her into a hug and whispering, "Thanks for last night, Ashley."

She hugged him back, smiling to herself.

Then a clattering in the hallway reminded them of why they were up at all, and Andros let her go reluctantly. "I guess we'd better go keep them from destroying something," he said with a fondly exasperated look. "Ready?"

She nodded, leaving her hand in his as they headed for the doorway. She glanced back once to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, and then the door opened and she could only laugh at the scene that greeted them.

Someone--presumably Zhane or TJ--had brought the meal cart up from storage in the holding bay, and it was covered with breakfast for what looked like twice their number. There were bagels, pancakes, Carlos' cereal and her favorite kind of muffin, juice, cream cheese and butter and even ketchup for TJ.

"Well, look who decided to join the rest of us," Zhane called, lounging next to Kerone outside her door. He was clearly enjoying making a spectacle of them despite the fact that they weren't the last to arrive in the hallway.

"Morning," Carlos offered, a knowing grin on his face as he poured a glass of juice. He offered it to Ashley with a wink, and she wrinkled her nose at him.

"We just--" Andros began, but Zhane cut him off.

"No," Zhane said loudly. "We don't want to hear about how you didn't sleep together, Andros. Just eat your breakfast and be quiet."

Ashley tried to swallow her juice before she laughed, knowing only Andros could appreciate the true humor of their situation. She managed not to choke but she couldn't suppress a wide grin, and Carlos shook his head.

"Have a muffin," her friend said, with an amused look in his eye that said "don't tell me; I don't want to know."

His expression reminded her that he was now eminently teasable as well, and she asked slyly, "So Carlos, did you have fun last night?"

"Not as much fun as you," he replied with perfect composure.

Any retort she might have made was interrupted by the opening of Saryn's door down the hall. Cassie emerged first, looking strangely together for quarter of seven in the morning. In fact, she looked exactly as organized as Saryn didn't when he followed her, yawning, a moment later.

"Cassie," TJ greeted her, dripping ketchup onto one of his pancakes. He took one look at Saryn's disheveled clothes and tousled hair and added, "You're rubbing off on him."

Cassie dropped her backpack by the door and reached back to run her hand suggestively across Saryn's chest. "More than you know," she agreed, smirking at TJ.

Ashley stifled a giggle, and TJ held up one hand to ward Cassie off. "Too much information!" he exclaimed, pretending not to listen. "I come all the way from Earth to bring you bagels, and this is what I hear!"

Cassie caught her eye and winked, and Ashley grinned. She didn't mean to look over at Andros, but she couldn't help it. *This really is what we fought for,* she thought again, reveling in the banter and caring of her second family. *This is why we're Rangers.*

Andros looked up at that, obviously overhearing, and she heard his wry suggestion in her head a moment later. *Because it keeps us off the streets?*

She struggled not to laugh, knowing he knew what she meant. He shrugged innocently, and she couldn't help thinking there was no way she would make it through seven hours of school without him. Skipping looked more appealing every minute.

Only a hundred and sixty six days till graduation, she thought with a rueful sigh.


(chasing the sun)

Leaning back against the coral wall, he studied the identical wall on the other side of the corridor. It was an odd color, for coral. Or at least, it wasn't the color he'd always thought of coral as being.

*But then, what do I know?* Carlos wondered wryly. The only coral he'd seen was the stuff that occasionally turned up in tide pools on the California coastline. And that was... he tried to remember how many light years separated those beaches from the place where he now stood.

The door at the end of the hallway slid open, and he looked up. Cestria smiled when she saw him, so he assumed Cetaci wasn't right behind her. "Evening," he said, unfolding his arms and pushing away from the wall. "How's the day?"

She looked down briefly, and he thought she was hiding another smile at his adaptation of the Aquitian greeting. Her face was perfectly calm when she caught his gaze again, but her eyes danced. "It goes well," she answered, pausing beside him in the deserted hallway. "And yours?"

"It's a bit late for me," he admitted. Then, with a rueful grin, he added, "Cassie says I'll get used to it."

Cestria inclined her head. "It is a difficult thing, to go daily from one time to another," she said noncommittally. "I am afraid your effort is in vain this evening, but I am sure that Aura will view her messages as soon as she returns."

He couldn't help sighing. "I didn't think she'd be back, but I figured I'd surprise her if she was. Thanks, Cestria."

She nodded once, but she seemed to hesitate before leaving. He gave her a curious glance, and she offered, "The solar-mapping expedition logged their revised flight plan with control this afternoon."

"Really?" She wouldn't have mentioned it if there weren't some way for him to access it. "I don't suppose it's public record?"

"No," she said, with every indication of regret. "And I am not allowed to pass on confidential flight plans. However... I would be very surprised if Aura were not back on Aquitar by two tomorrow morning."

Surprised, he could only stare at her for a moment. He supposed he had grown so accustomed to Cetaci's hostility over the past couple of weeks that he had forgotten it could be any other way. "Thanks," he managed, and she nodded.

"I mean it," he added, as Cestria moved to continue down the hallway. "Thanks for the help, Cestria."

She paused, and there was a smile on her face when she turned to regard him. "I am not--unsympathetic," she reminded him. "Your situation is not unique in our history."

It was a gentle reminder of her relationship with Billy, and he had to grin at the thought of the Blue Ranger struggling as hard as he to court his alien love. "No it's not," he agreed, feeling a bit more at ease. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Cestria replied.

This time he watched thoughtfully as she turned to go. He waited until she disappeared into her own room before he reached for his morpher and teleported out.

***

It took her quite some time to realize that the tapping meant something, and even longer to realize that she ought to do something about it. By that point, she was close enough to consciousness to think that perhaps if the tapping required a response from her it had been going on far too long without one.

She forced her eyes open, not truly comprehending the darkness until it occurred to her that she had been sleeping. It was supposed to be dark. The tapping, then, was coming from the door. Her mind offered helpfully that perhaps there was someone on the other side who wished to come in.

She considered ignoring the noise, but by now she was far too curious. Who would knock instead of paging? For that matter, who wouldn't use the chime? And who in the world would be at her door at such an abominably early hour?

Her body protested as she dragged herself out of bed, making her way to the door without the benefit of illumination. She caught herself looking automatically at the chime readout, but of course it was dark. Nothing for it but to open the door, then.

The light was overbright to her tired and night-sensitive eyes, and she blinked painfully as it streamed into her room. His voice registered before she could get a clear view of him in the brilliance, and she smiled involuntarily at Carlos' whispered, "Hey."

"Hey," she echoed, too tired to figure out a more appropriate response. "What are you doing here?"

"Kidnapping you," came the answer. "You ready?"

She frowned a little, knowing there were more important questions but unable to call them to mind. "I do not believe it is customary to ask permission before kidnapping someone."

"Well, if you're sure."

She found herself with the strangest sense of vertigo as he wrapped her up in a hug, and it took her a moment to realize that he had picked her up. "I'm too tired for this," she mumbled, not even sure she had said it aloud until he answered.

"I know," he agreed contritely, pausing to let the control door slide open. "I'll apologize later."

"Where are you taking me?" She felt his arm go around her waist as he set her down, holding her up while he fussed with the teleportation controls. There was something odd about that... "Where is everyone?"

"Cetaci took them off rotating alert while you were gone," Carlos answered, understanding her question without her having to elaborate. "Saryn's idea, I think. He said it wasn't fair to make five Rangers staff control around the clock."

"Oh," she murmured. She would be more grateful for that when she was more awake, she supposed. Then the world dissolved into a rush of crimson fire and the Power raced through her with a vengeance, bringing her fully into the waking world at last.

"Where are we?" she wanted to know, as the sudden quiet of their destination settled around her.

"Almost there," Carlos said cryptically. He motioned her toward a nearby vehicle--black, she noted with amusement, wondering if it was his--and opened up one side, indicating that she should get in.

He went around to the other side and climbed in beside her. She looked around with more interest as the vehicle powered up, assuming this was Earth. She had not seen much of the planet, but the air felt dry and the sky shone a pale blue overhead. There was no sun, though, and she wondered if it was predawn.

The vehicle was following a stone path with no specific endpoint as it wound past the occasional structure on its way out into the barren hills. Carlos was silent and she didn't speak, soaking in the strangeness of the landscape all around them. There was no water anywhere that she could see, and she wondered if what she had originally assumed was vegetation could actually live without it.

She doubted she was understanding more than half of what she saw, but she couldn't tear her eyes away long enough to ask for an explanation. The land was the color of the sand she had seen at the lake, but it was covered by something she would have identified as "plant" had it been green. She glanced up at a sky that had become slightly brighter, but remained otherwise unchanged. Was this, then, his version of the ocean? These brown hills that went on forever under an open, undistorted sky?

She felt the vehicle shiver and slow, and she looked around as they turned off of the path and onto a dirt trail. The ride was rougher now, and he glanced over at her as if about to say something. But then he caught her eye and just smiled, turning his attention back to the trail in front of them.

She studied his profile for a moment, wondering what he could possibly be thinking. He had invited her to visit his homeworld several times before--had he finally seen through her excuses and decided to force the issue? Or was this some ritual he had neglected to inform her of beforehand?

"We're here," he said finally, bringing the vehicle to a stop near the crest of one of the hills. "Just in time, too."

"In time for what?" she wanted to know. She studied the view before them. It was as beautiful as it was foreign, but she saw no sign of an imminent occurrence.

"Sunrise," he said, pointing toward the horizon. "I thought you'd be glad to see it from the ground after the last week or so."

She stared out at the glowing sky in surprise. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen the sun through an atmosphere, although she was sure it couldn't be as long ago as it felt now. The mapping expedition had been nonstop, and during her too-brief breaks in escort duty she had seen nothing but the interior of the Ranger dome.

She felt a smile tug at her lips, and her voice wasn't as strong as she would have liked when she asked, "You did this just for me?"

"No," he said, startling her again. He gave her a sheepish look when she caught his eye, and he added, "I wanted to see you, and this was the quickest excuse I could think of. I missed you last week... I'm really sorry I dragged you out of bed the night you got back."

She smiled again as she remembered his promise to apologize later. "I am not," she said softly, touched as much by the affection in his gaze as she was by the sunrise trip from a self-described "late-riser". "I missed you, too."

***

He stirred, lifting one arm up to cover his eyes as he rolled away from the sunlight. A soft sound of amusement from somewhere nearby brought him more awake, and he squinted up into bright silver eyes that he'd recognize anywhere. "Morning," he murmured groggily, not questioning what she was doing there.

"Greetings," she said, delight evident in her voice. "You wake up slower than I do."

"So?" he muttered. He pressed the heel of his hand to his eyes, trying to make them focus better than they were. "Where are we?"

"So I thought I was unique," she informed him. "And I hope you do not expect me to answer that."

"You are unique," he replied automatically, staring up at her smiling face. She looked a little paler than usual, but he couldn't tell if it was the bright sunlight or not--he usually saw her in the more muted light of the Ranger dome on Aquitar. But her color did remind him that it was extraordinarily hot in the car, windows open or no, and he pushed himself up on his elbows. "You look thirsty," he said, studying her more closely.

She lowered her eyes briefly, and that was the only confirmation he needed. "You should have woken me up," he chided, but she shook her head.

"I was asleep until a few minutes ago," she assured him. "Your car is strangely comfortable."

"Strangely is right," he agreed, trying to suppress a yawn as he sat up. "I haven't slept in my car since... I think since the team went camping a few months ago." He twisted around, reaching into the back for the water bottles he had stashed there. "Here," he said, opening one and passing it to her. "Let's go find you some real water."

She accepted the water bottle eagerly, and he smiled to himself as he watched her drink. He hadn't meant to miss another day of school, but somehow it had seemed more important not to wake her than it was to make it to first period. When he had fallen asleep, though, he wasn't entirely sure.

The key was still in the ignition, and he glanced over at the dashboard clock as the engine rumbled to life. Twelve-fifty. There wouldn't be anyone at Max Carter's right now, and he could drop the Jeep off there again without having to drive into the city. And they could probably get something to eat--he was starving.

"How do you feel about showers?" he asked, foot hovering over the brake as they made their way back down the dirt road toward the highway. He had gambled that the scenic overlook would be deserted during midweek; there wasn't much tourist traffic this far from town even on the best of days.

He saw Aura give him a blank look, and he elaborated, "I don't know how often you have to do that rehydrating thing. I was wondering if there's any difference between the lake and a shower."

She made a sound that was suspiciously close to a giggle, and he almost looked over at her as they turned back onto the highway. "What?" he demanded. "What did I say?"

"No," she assured him hastily, a hint of humor lingering in her voice no matter how she tried to suppress it. "There is... in this case, there is no appreciable difference. Thank you for your concern."

He narrowed his eyes at the road, wondering what she wasn't telling him.

"Why are the hills brown?" she asked, probably to distract him. "Is that vegetation covering them?"

He shot a quick glance out the window, still wondering over her reaction to the mention of showers. "The grass? Yeah, it's vegetation. It's just brown because it's so dry right now."

"Is it alive?" she pressed, gazing out the passenger window as the landscape flashed past.

He laughed. "Sure it's alive."

"But how does it get water?"

"It does rain some of the time," he said with a grin. The answer evidently didn't satisfy her, because she continued to question him as they headed back toward the outskirts of Angel Grove. He felt a little silly when he couldn't answer most of her questions about the climate, and he resolved to talk with DECA later.

They pulled into Max's driveway without having passed more than a handful of other people, but he couldn't help feeling relieved as he turned the ignition off. He still hadn't told his parents about Aura, but TJ's uncle was almost as well informed as a member of the team. He had let Carlos park here because it was so far from central Angel Grove, and the chance of running into anyone else on their way out into the desert was minimal. But he hadn't expected to be returning so late, and Aura wouldn't quite pass inspection in the bright light of midday.

"How do I open the door?" Aura asked, studying the mechanism curiously.

"You don't," he answered, climbing out his own door and coming around to open hers for her. "I do. It's only polite," he added with a grin. "But I don't suppose you have chivalry on Aquitar."

She looked puzzled. "I am not familiar with that word."

"Never mind." He wasn't sure he was up to explaining it right now. "It comes down to guys doing nice things for girls. But don't quote me on that, because that's probably the worst explanation in the history of bad explanations."

She smiled a little as he rescued the door key from its magnetic holder inside the mail slot and put it in the lock. "I think it's a good explanation."

He pushed the door open and grinned at her. "In that case, after you."

She gave him an amused look that made him wonder if she had understood the remark better than he anticipated. She stepped inside appreciatively, if not as though she knew what to expect, and he pulled the door shut behind them as he followed.

There was a note on the counter in front of them, and he picked it up automatically. Carlos, it read. TJ said you were still out at 7:30, so I called in for you. If there's no one here when you get back, make yourself at home. There's stuff for sandwiches in the refrigerator, and help yourself to some oreos--I left the stickers for you. I thought you'd appreciate them. --Max

He shook his head, envying TJ his relatives. Max was far more a friend than a parent even to his nephew, let alone to the rest of them. How nice must it be to live with someone who was always on your side?

"What does it say?" Aura wanted to know, watching him carefully.

He tilted the note toward her, but she took one look at it and shook her head. "My apologies," she said, an odd expression on her face as she caught his eye. "I never learned to read your language."

He blinked, startled from his contemplation of TJ's uncle by that revelation. "Really?" Then he frowned, irritated by his own expectation. "No, of course you wouldn't have. Don't apologize; I'm the one who's sorry. I just didn't think."

She smiled a little, not taking her eyes off of him. "You need not apologize either. I am flattered by your assumption."

Perversely, her acceptance compelled him to try to explain further. "It's just that you speak so well--it's easy to forget."

"You need not apologize," she repeated, her smile growing. "I did not take offense. What does it say?"

Abashed, he glanced down at the note again. "It says to have something to eat, and that the oreos are for us..." He looked over at the cookies, catching sight of the stickers lying on top of them for the first time. They had probably been removed from the package when it had first been opened, and the appropriateness of the "free prize" made him laugh.

"What is this?" Aura asked, reaching across the counter. She touched the stylized version of the ancient symbol, emblazoned in bright colors on both stickers.

He couldn't help grinning as he handed one of them to her. "It's the yin-yang symbol. It's supposed to be the balance of opposites--light and dark, woman and man, that sort of thing. Cassie could probably tell you where it comes from."

"Yinyang," Aura repeated, studying the sticker with obvious fascination. "I have never heard that word before either."

"Yin and yang are the opposites that the colors represent." He put a hand on her shoulder gently, tracing one finger along the sinuous dividing line. "One half is yin, and the other half is yang. Each one begins where the other ends, and each has the seed of the other inside it. I think the idea is that no matter how different they are, neither one can exist without the other."

He felt her smile even before she looked up, and he smiled back at her as she caught his eye. He didn't tell her that the yin-yang was usually black and white--the stickers had substituted the traditional color of Chinese honor for the light side of the symbol. The intertwined teardrop shapes glittered crimson and black in the early afternoon light.

***

The wind flung her hair back, stinging her eyes and racing over her skin as the open flit bounced across the waves. They were heading west as the sun fell closer and closer toward the horizon, and she reveled in the welcome freedom of the sea.

"What are we doing, again?" Carlos yelled, leaning close to be heard of the roar of the wind.

She turned her head toward him but didn't look away from the horizon. They'd be coming up on shallow water, soon. "Chasing the sun!" she shouted back, a grin tugging at her lips. "What else?"

The flit beeped a "shallow water" warning at her just as she caught sight of the massive cliffs of the Eternal Falls peering above the edge of the ocean. She allowed the little vehicle to slow in its headlong rush, and they reached a decent maneuvering speed within moments.

"Where are we?" Carlos asked, his voice closer to normal without the rush of air to steal his words away.

"Over the agricultural domes." The flit skipped to one side, evading an unfriendly looking boulder that poked up through the water right in front of them. "Those are the Eternal Falls you can see on the horizon," she added, lifting one hand from the controls to point. "The ocean floor is nearer the surface here, and there's light enough to support the underwater gardens."

She heard him whistle as the cliffs edged into the flit's line of sight with the sun, casting their long sunset shadow back across the water. Her vehicle skirted the shadows' edge, finally coming to rest by a small island of stone. It was one of many similar protruding boulder piles this close to the cliffs, and she had been here or someplace like it many times before.

"Wow," Carlos murmured as she cut the engine. The word wouldn't have been audible until that moment, but he didn't look embarrassed at having been overheard. "This is amazing, Aura."

"Come on," she said, climbing over the edge of the flit. "From here, the sun should set right at the base of the cliffs."

He followed her over the edge and onto the slippery, seaweed covered rocks that passed for "shore". "How can you walk on this barefoot?" he demanded, throwing his arms out to the sides to keep his balance.

She kept pace with him, ready to steady him if he needed it. "How can you not?" she responded, amused. "It's no wonder you can't balance.

"Look," she added, before he could answer that. "Look down." She pointed into the water lapping against the rocks, where multi-hued fish flashed reflected sunlight just beneath the surface.

He stared for a long moment, and when she looked over at him she found an expression of rapt attention on his face. "Do they always look like that?" he wondered aloud.

She shook her head. "They come up to feed at dusk. They're most colorful near the surface; some of them fade to grey and black as you go farther down. The--" She realized what she was about to say a second before she said it, and she didn't stop herself. "The red ones especially."

She felt his hand on her shoulder again, and she looked up in time to see him giving her an odd look. "What if I don't want the red ones to fade?"

"Take a light when you go diving," she replied. She knew that wasn't what he meant, but she didn't know what he did mean, exactly, and it was true. As long as there was light, the red fish appeared red.

He chuckled at her answer anyway. "If I'm the light and you're the dark," he pointed out, "that makes you the night side of the yin-yang. The black side."

"And you the red," she murmured. "No one said life was perfect."

She could feel his surprised gaze on her as the sun touched the edge of the world, and she shrugged self-consciously. "Billy used to say that sometimes."

He slid his arm the rest of the way around her and squeezed her shoulders. "But it is perfect, sometimes," he whispered in her ear. The fiery sun caught the side of the cliffs as it lingered on the horizon, and the shadows came creeping across the water toward them. "Here and now, with you, is perfect."

She smiled a little, leaning into him as he pulled her closer. "Yes," she agreed quietly. The setting sun sparkled over the water at them, and it occurred to her that it had meant more to her today than it had at any time during her entire weeklong mapping expedition. "This is perfect."


2. Approval

Rainbow Brite was beating the devil over the head with her star wand. Rover seemed to be enjoying the confrontation immensely, but it was hard to say for sure since he'd been barking nearly nonstop all evening. Tigger seemed to have lost his bounce, though, and Carlos gave him a worried look.

"Ricki?" He tugged on one of Tigger's ears gently as the fur-clad child trudged along next to him. "You tired?"

Tigger nodded, his head drooping and his tail dragging behind him on the sidewalk.

Carlos exchanged glances with Aura. They were almost back to the dojo, but Ricki didn't look like he was going to make it. "Hey Rick," Carlos said, tugging on Tigger's ear again. "Want to be carried?"

Tigger stopped where he was and dropped his plastic trick-or-treat pumpkin on the ground. His eyes peeked out from under a furry orange and black hood as he held his arms up hopefully.

Carlos shook his head in amusement. "Sorry, kiddo; you're too big for that. You're going to have to ride piggyback." He knelt down, letting Ricki wrap short arms around his neck before sliding his hands under the kid's legs and standing up again. "Aura, can you grab his pumpkin? Don't want to lose your candy," he added over his shoulder, and he felt Tigger shake his head vehemently.

"Perhaps I should take everyone's candy," Aura suggested as she picked up Tigger's abandoned pumpkin. She gave Rainbow Brite a pointed look, and the girl immediately protested.

"But Aura! He took my snickers!"

"Did not!" the devil retorted. "It was mine! That lady gave it to me, not you!"

"She would have given it to me if you hadn't been such a candy hog," Rainbow Brite said primly. "I don't see why boys get to be mean and rude and I don't get any candy just because I'm a *girl*."

"You seem to have quite a lot of candy," Aura said reasonably, giving the girl's trick-or-treating pumpkin a token glance.

"But I wanted another snickers!" Rainbow Brite complained. She put on an exaggerated pout, peering at Aura sideways to gauge the effectiveness of her expression.

"I'll trade you my snickers for one of your dum-dums," the devil offered unexpectedly.

Rainbow Brite frowned. She didn't look convinced that this was a fair deal, but finally she asked, "Which one?"

"What kinds do you have?" The devil tried to peer into her pumpkin and she hit him with her wand again.

"*I'll* look," she insisted, putting a hand over the top of her pumpkin to shield it from his view.

"Woof!" Rover shouted, trotting back down the street to bark loudly at them before turning back the way he'd come. "Woof woof!"

"Don't get too far ahead of us," Carlos called after him, bouncing Ricki a little higher on his back.

"Woof!" Rover answered, pausing to butt his head against a fire hydrant.

Carlos exchanged amused glances with Aura. The entire team--with the exception of Saryn and Kerone, who lately seemed to be off on League business more than they were home--had volunteered to help out with the dojo's Halloween party. He and Aura had signed up as trick-or-treat supervisors, and they had each been assigned two kids from the dojo's regular attendance roll to escort around the neighborhood.

"I shall have to see one of these 'dogs' some time," Aura remarked, as they turned into the dojo parking lot. "I would be interested to know whether Kevin's portrayal is an accurate one."

"Well, Rainbow Brite doesn't usually hit people," Carlos said wryly, and the girl in blue paused midswing to shoot a guilty look in their direction. "If that tells you anything."

"Mama has a dog," Ricki mumbled.

"That's right," Carlos agreed, shrugging his burden higher again. "Rick could bring his dog to the dojo and you could play with him while Rick has his lesson." He grinned at her to show he was joking, but Ricki made a sound of solemn agreement.

"Woof!" Rover yelled from underneath the portico. "Rrr, woof!"

"I'm guessing that means 'hurry up'." Carlos lengthened his stride while simultaneously giving Rainbow Brite and the devil what he hoped was a stern look. "You two need to behave at the party, remember."

"I behave," the devil muttered around a dum-dum stick. "She's the one who gets us into trouble."

"Do not!" his twin contested hotly.

"Do so!"

Carlos just shook his head, stopping a few steps back from the door so that Aura could open it. Rover scrambled through as soon as the door was open, and the twins weren't far behind. Aura held the door patiently, and he smiled at her as he headed inside with Ricki.

"Thanks," he said over his shoulder. Anything else he might have added was overwhelmed by the barely restrained chaos of clamoring, sugar-happy kids and their harried--and, in many cases, caffeinated--parents.

Ashley must have been watching for them, for she rescued them almost as soon as they stepped through the door. "Hey guys, you're just in time for the costume parade! Natasha, Natan, Kevin--do you see that giant pumpkin over there? Run over to her and ask for a number, okay?"

"Woof!" Kevin shouted as he took off after the twins.

Ashley rolled her eyes at Carlos. "You're not supposed to let them eat their candy until later, you know."

"We didn't," he protested. "They're not on a sugar high, I swear; they're just naturally like that!"

Ashley laughed at his indignation. "I'm just giving you a hard time. Believe me, everyone else is at least as wired, so they'll blend right in. Hi, Ricki," she added, waving at the boy still clinging to Carlos. "Are you going to be in the parade?"

"Not with me he isn't," Carlos teased, making a grand show of effort as he set Ricki down. "I'm exhausted!"

Ricki giggled a little at that, ducking his head. But he looked considerably more bouncy than he had out on the street, and Carlos couldn't help wondering if he'd been had. The tired kid who had dragged along behind them had practically vanished, replaced by a wriggling and suddenly energetic four-year-old.

"I will go with him," Aura offered. She held out her hand to Ricki in invitation. "Shall we go get your number?"

He nodded immediately, taking her hand and towing her toward the pumpkin on the other side of the room. Aura had no choice but to follow, and Carlos waved after her as she let the boy lead her away.

"How's she doing?" Ashley asked quietly, watching the two of them maneuver around parents and children alike as they wound through the activity areas.

"Great," Carlos said, flashing her a grin. "I think she's having a good time. And the kids love her."

Ashley shook her head, though whether in amusement or wonder he couldn't tell. "I have to admit, when you first suggested this I thought you were crazy. But it's working... she's just another person in a costume."

"So to speak," Carlos agreed, still grinning. "And while we're on the subject of costumes..." He gave her an appraising look that bordered on a leer and whistled. He wouldn't have done it to anyone except his best friend, but sure enough Ashley just laughed.

"You think this is bad," she said with a grin, indicating to her midriff-baring flower child costume. "You should see Cassie."

"Do I want to?" He scanned the crowd anyway, looking for the flamboyant Asian girl.

"Saryn would," Ashley said smugly. "I hope someone's taking pictures, because he's going to be sorry he missed tonight. She's over by the Haunted Closet with Zhane; see, next to the streamers?"

Carlos caught one look at his teammate and laughed. "That's a bodysuit, not a cat costume!"

"But you knew what she was," Ashley said with a giggle. "Zhane's her bodyguard. Rocky told her she'd need one--if one of the parents doesn't complain and get her kicked out first."

"Zhane's--the Silver Ranger?" Carlos didn't know whether to laugh or shake his head as Cassie's "bodyguard" emerged from the Haunted Closet with a couple of kids in tow. "That's creative."

"He's doing it to freak the rest of us out," Ashley said, looking torn between amusement and exasperation. "I'm sure of it. Speaking of which," she added, lowering her voice. "Did you *have* to be a vampire? Every time I look at you, I jump."

He grinned, deliberately baring his glow-in-the-dark fangs. "I'm just exorcising some demons from our past. It's good for you."

Ashley snorted, clearly not convinced. "I don't suppose you've seen Tessa and TJ?" she asked, not deigning to reply.

"I saw TJ when we came to pick up our kids," Carlos said, his gaze roving across the crowd again. The costume parade was just starting, and Aura wasn't the only adult holding a kid's hand. "I still don't know where he got that wookie costume. But I haven't seen Tessa yet."

"She's a jedi," Ashley told him. "But ever since she got here, she's been telling people she's a jedi wookie trainer."

Carlos snickered. "Did she bring a leash?"

"No." Ashley paused for a moment, then added, "She borrowed one."

Several of the parents glanced their way at the sound of Carlos' laughter, but none of the kids so much as slowed down.

The costume parade was making its way around the edge of the dojo floor now, and he grinned as he caught Aura's eye. She waved back, then gestured over her shoulder. He grin widened as he got a closer look at TJ, following her with his "leash" held by a little girl who looked even younger than Ricki.

"Hey guys," Andros' voice said from behind him, and he turned around. His lips twitched at the sight of Andros in tie-dye and ripped jeans, with a headband restraining his blonde-streaked hair and a peace necklace hanging over his shirt.

"Hi," Carlos replied, wondering if he could pass off another bout of laughter as the result of too much Halloween candy. "Nice costume."

"It was Ashley's idea," Andros said, in all innocence.

Carlos was hard-pressed to keep a straight face. "I wouldn't have guessed."

"Take a ballot," Andros suggested, offering him a piece of orange paper. "I'm collecting costume votes."

Carlos couldn't suppress his grin as he looked away, pretending to study the kids still marching past. Aura and Ricki were too far away by now for him to catch the number pinned to the Tigger costume, but he stared after them anyway. *Aura,* he thought carefully.

*Yes?* He saw her glance back over her shoulder.

*What's Rick's number?*

*Thirty-three,* she answered with a smile, glancing down at the child beside her.

*Thanks.*

"You're cheating," Ashley accused, peering at his faraway expression.

"I am not," he responded automatically, not questioning how she knew. "I can't see Ricki's number from here. Is that okay with you, Ms. Twenty-twenty?"

She grinned unrepentantly. "Well, I guess so. But only if I can borrow your pen."

He handed it to her, and she scribbled a number on the "ballot" before handing it back to Andros. "Thanks," Andros said, holding out what looked like a fishbowl so Carlos could put his vote in too. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

He headed off, and Carlos raised an eyebrow at Ashley.

She caught his eye and shrugged. "What?"

He just looked at her, and finally she smiled. "Well, you have to admit... he does look awfully cute."

"Right," Carlos said dryly. "I hope you're right about someone taking pictures."

"Heads up," a familiar voice said from directly behind them. "Mom and Dad just got here."

"Thanks, bro." Carlos' younger brother moved into his line of vision, and he raised an eyebrow at the black-clad ninja. "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the demo?"

"No way, man," his brother protested with a grin. "Nice try, but I want to meet your girl as much as they do. Is she here?"

Carlos sighed, but Ashley pointed for him. "Over there by Rocky--she's with the little Tigger."

"Boys!" As usual, their father's boisterous greeting completely overwhelmed their mother's more reserved countenance. "Happy Halloween, as they say! What a terrific fiesta--this is the biggest turnout I've seen at the dojo all year!"

"That's sort of the point, Dad," Carlos' brother said, chuckling as their dad wrapped him in a giant bear hug. "I'm glad you guys could come."

"We're glad to be here!" their father assured him. "Carlos, my boy! We haven't seen you all weekend!"

"It's only Saturday, Dad," Carlos reminded him, his protest somewhat muffled as he was given an equally fierce hug. "And I'm here now."

"That you are, that you are." He looked around as though to make sure everyone else was sharing in his enthusiasm. "Kel, aren't you glad to see the boys? And here's Ashley; it's good to see you again! How have you been, Ashley?"

"Good, thank you," Ashley answered, giving him a charming smile.

"Wonderful; glad to hear it! How's school going?"

Ashley shrugged eloquently, and her eyes flickered toward Carlos. Just yesterday at breakfast he had heard her announce cheerfully, "Only a hundred thirty-seven days until graduation!"

Tonight, though, she must have been on her best behavior, for all she said was, "School's all right. It's been a little crazy lately with college deadlines coming up, but at least there weren't any major emergencies this week."

"Ah, yes," Carlos' father said knowingly, just as Carlos saw his brother wave out of the corner of his eye. He followed his brother's gaze and saw Aura lingering by the refreshment table, clearly not certain whether she should join them or not.

"Well, I'm glad circumstances have been favorable," Carlos' father continued, as Carlos added his encouragement to his brother's. His father peered in the direction they were staring. "Who *are* you waving at? Oh! Is this the girl you mentioned yesterday, Carlos?"

Carlos ignored that as best he could, smiling at Aura as she finally joined them. "Did Ricki find his parents?"

She nodded, her eyes flickering past him to his family, and he saw Ashley flash them a covert thumbs-up. He tried not to be too obvious about taking a deep breath. "Aura, I'd like you to meet my mom and my dad--" He indicated each of them in turn before adding, "And this is my brother, Gabriel."

"Gabe," his brother corrected firmly, pushing his ninja hood back to flash Aura a grin. "It's nice to finally meet you, Aura."

"I am honored to meet you as well," Aura replied. She held out her hand, a little awkwardly, and Carlos glanced at his brother.

The lanky teenager didn't look at all surprised, just took her hand and shook it once. Then he surprised both of them by putting his own hands together in the traditional Aquitian greeting and bowing slightly to Aura. She returned the gesture solemnly, and Carlos opened his mouth to ask where his brother had learned that.

His father cut him off, though, with a loud laugh. "Excellent!" he exclaimed. "Excellent; what a wonderful costume! You even have the mannerisms down!"

Carlos stared at his father in horror, and for a brief moment no one said anything. He could feel Aura's gaze on him, and he forced himself to speak. "Dad--it's not a costume. This is Aura, from Aquitar. I've told you about her, remember? She's the Red Aquitian Ranger."

In that moment he wasn't even thinking about people overhearing, but in retrospect he would realize that anyone who did had probably written it off as play-acting. Unfortunately for all of them, so had his father.

"Of course she is," he said heartily, clapping Aura on the shoulder. She flinched visibly, but he didn't seem to notice. "Terrific job, Aura, absolutely terrific! Oh look, that's Joe Hammond over there--you will excuse me for a moment, won't you?" And he was gone, an avalanche of unimpeded and incorrigible energy.

An uncomfortable silence proceeded his departure, and Carlos was left floundering for words. To his surprise, it was his mother who filled the breach by saying quietly, "You'll have to forgive him. Once he gets an idea into his head, he's a bit difficult to reason with." She smiled a little, imitating her son's hand gesture. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Aura. I hear that you and Carlos have become good friends."

Aura inclined her head in return, then offered her hand tentatively. His mother shook her hand gently but without hesitation, and he hoped Aura would remember that over his father's oblivious rudeness.

"Yes," Aura agreed at last, looking over at him. "I hope we are at least good friends."

He tried not to wince as he realized guiltily that she had reason to be upset about that, too--he hadn't told his parents about her until yesterday, and the story had of necessity been brief. He hadn't exactly gone into the details of their relationship.

"More than good friends," he said firmly, determined to correct some small part of his mistake. "I love Aura, Mom. It's just that--well, you saw how Dad reacted. I didn't want to dump everything on him at once."

His very blonde and distinctly non-Hispanic mother smiled again. "From the way you talked about her, I thought it might be something like that. I'm happy for both of you, and I hope that you give us a chance to get to know you better, Aura."

"I would like that," Aura murmured, clearly surprised. "Thank you for your... approval."

"You don't need our approval," his mother said gently. "I know that. But you have it, for whatever it's worth. You're welcome in our home anytime, Aura."

"Sempei!" One of the older kids came shooting out of the crowd, and Carlos' brother glanced up in surprise.

"Sempei Gabe!" Toby skidded to a halt in front of them, breathless. "The demo's about to start and Marissa can't find her nunchakus and the glowsticks in mine keep falling out and Sensei and Sempei Justin are trying to get the CD player to work so could you please come help us instead?"

"I'm coming," Carlos' brother promised, putting one hand on Toby's shoulder. "It was nice to meet you Aura--I hope I see you again soon. Have a good night, everyone." And he was gone, without even waiting for them to wish him luck.

"Is he not coming home tonight?" Carlos asked, surprised by his brother's farewell.

"He's staying overnight with Justin." His mother paused, then asked mildly, "Will we see you tonight, Carlos?"

He cleared his throat, realizing he would have been better off not to have said anything. "Well..." He traded glances with Aura, wondering if there was any safe way to mention Cassie's plan to set off a late night Halloween lightshow over the city. "I wasn't actually thinking of it, no. But I'll definitely be home tomorrow..."

His mother must have decided that his dad's slip had caused enough trouble for one evening, because she didn't guilt-trip him over his choice. Instead she only nodded, then looked across the room to where the Great Pumpkin was holding court with the costume ballots. "We'll expect you tomorrow, then--it looks like they're going to announce the winner of the costume contest."

As though she had overheard, the Great Pumpkin clambered up onto one of the activity tables--no mean feat in her costume--and shouted for everyone's attention. When most of the adults were at least pretending to listen, and most of the kids were being kept quiet by the adults, the pumpkin continued loudly, "It gives me great pleasure to declare the winner of this evening's costume contest. Number eighteen, please come forward and receive your prize."

"Natasha," Aura murmured, and sure enough, Rainbow Brite was making a beeline for the Great Pumpkin.

In the meantime, the pumpkin added, "The demo will be starting in just a moment, and Sensei has asked me to thank you all for making this event a wonderful, fun, and safe way to spend Halloween. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves, and now I'm going to turn it over to the demo team. Let's give them a big hand!"

Carlos lifted his hands to clap automatically, and he saw Aura give him an odd look as the crowd joined in. Tentatively, she copied his movement, and he smiled encouragingly at her. Then, near the pumpkin's impromptu stage, Rocky stepped out onto the demo mats and waited for them to quiet down.

"Good evening," he said at last. His gaze swept across the room, taking in and including everyone. "As Sempei Marie has already done, I'd like to thank you all for coming. In a moment the demo team will be out to show off its skills, and I feel I should warn you that when the demonstration begins the lights will go down. If you have anyone who's afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to make sure they're nearby.

"In addition, I ask you not to crowd the mats during the demo. As terrific as our team is, they do need room to move. Please don't throw candy, streamers, or small children on the mats during the demonstration. Please do not shine flashlights on the demo team, as some of them came as vampires and I won't be held responsible for the consequences. Lastly, in case of an emergency... grab your candy and run. Thank you, and enjoy the demonstration."

Rocky turned and disappeared into the dojo's back room to scattered applause, and, as promised, the lights started to dim. There were a few seconds of darkness, and then twin strobe lights were lit, sweeping across the crowd before coming to rest on the demo team's mats. Carlos' eyes couldn't adjust fast enough to see who was operating the lights, but he was distracted almost immediately by Aura's sudden inhalation.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, leaning closer.

She didn't answer right away, but she was stiffer than she had been before. "Will those lights be on for long?" she asked, so softly he almost couldn't hear her. It took him a moment to realize that she had closed her eyes.

"Are they bothering you?" he murmured, looking for the nearest door. "We can go outside."

She looked for a moment as though she would argue, but then the dojo's theme music came on and the demo team started to emerge. Their kiais as they ran out onto the mats were barely loud enough to be heard over the music, and Aura just closed her mouth and nodded tightly.

"Here," he said, putting his hand on her arm to guide her. "Mom, we're going to leave," he said loudly, speaking almost directly into her ear. He kissed her cheek quickly, adding, "Aura doesn't like the lights. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

His mother, too, looked as though she wanted to say something. But she must have seen Aura's distressed expression through the bright flashes of darkness, and she just smiled up at him. "Good night, Carlos," he read on her lips.

"Good night," he echoed, smiling back over his shoulder as he led Aura toward the exit.

The air was warm and fresh as they stepped out into the night, and the silence was impressive as the door closed behind them. The dojo was suddenly a world removed, and he turned to Aura in concern. "Are you okay? I didn't even think to warn you about the strobe..."

"Is that what you call it?" she asked ruefully, touching her fingers to her temples in a surprisingly human gesture. "I have never seen lights like that. You do not need to stay with me; I have no wish to make you miss your brother's demonstration."

"I'd rather be with you," he said, putting his hands in his pockets. "Besides," he added wryly, seeing her doubtful look, "Do you know how many times I've seen that demo this month?"

She smiled a little at that, and he smiled back. That was when he remembered his fangs, and she giggled as he pulled them out of his mouth. "You must tell me what a vampire is," she said, reminding him of his earlier promise. "Why does it have such odd looking teeth? And why did you tell Ashley you were exorcising demons by dressing as one?"

He cleared his throat, wondering how she had heard about that so quickly. "That's kind of a long story, actually."

She gave him an expectant look, and he sighed. "I dare you not to laugh," he began. "Last year, Divatox had this plan..."


(a little prayer)

"I can hear the neighbors, they're arguing again
And there hasn't been peace on our street since who knows when
I don't mean to listen in, but the shouting is so loud
I turn up the radio to drown it out"

He squeezed past the two Rangers facing off in the hallway with a muttered "Excuse me", but he doubted either of them noticed. He had thought they had reconciled since the Honor ceremony, but Aura seemed to think it would take more than two days of good behavior to make up for the months of angry words between them.

They certainly weren't making much of an effort, he thought, ducking into her room. For two of the most respected people on their planet, Cetaci and Delphinius repeatedly earned their place as the most childish couple he had ever known.

He dropped his warm-up jacket on the chair by the door and went over to the vidscreen, calling up the IN feed and switching the monitor to a language he could understand. He couldn't help rolling his eyes when the broadcast didn't completely disguise the argument taking place in the hallway.

The door slid open behind him, and he turned in time to catch Aura's exasperated expression. It vanished as soon as she saw him, but he gave her a sympathetic look nonetheless. "They been like that all day?"

"Yes," she muttered darkly. "But at least they waited until it was light out. If I am woken up by them even one more time, I will not be amused."

He motioned "sorry" at her, and a reluctant smile tugged at her lips.

"It is not your fault," she reminded him. But her hand went to her mouth in a "thank you" gesture anyway. "Do you have time for dinner?"

"I was hoping you'd say that," he admitted sheepishly. "I got out of soccer practice early, and I was hoping to see you before I have to bury myself in History homework for the evening."

She stepped away from the door with a smile. "Here I am," she said, holding out her hand a little shyly. "I'm glad you came."

He smiled back, running his fingers across her palm before sliding them between hers and pulling her closer. "Me too," he said, wrapping his free arm around her in a warm hug.

From out in the corridor came a sound like a door slamming, and he winced. He felt Aura sigh irritably. Suddenly, though, the whole thing struck him as strangely funny. The doors around here were as unslammable as they came, and yet somehow...

"Only them," he whispered, chuckling.

She must have understood, for after a moment she started to giggle too. "Thank heavens," she murmured wryly, and he hugged her a little tighter as he heard more in those two words than she had said.

"Silently I say a little prayer
But for the grace of god go I, I must have been born a lucky guy
Heaven only knows how I've been blessed with the gift of your love
I look around and all I see is your happiness embracing me
Lord I'd be lost, but for the grace of god"

~"But For The Grace Of God"~
(lyrics performed by Keith Urban)


(elsewhere)

He paused, helmet in hand, to gaze after the figure just entering the launch bay. She was dressed in her dark Ranger uniform, giving her the same regular appearance as the rest of her teammates and lending the air of authority to her movement. Her hair was pulled back and her tunic was neat, making her look every inch the professional.

"As for me when I look at you, I see you in a different light"

She looked more at home in the garden dome than she ever did in Ranger control, despite the fact that the environment here was almost as foreign. All of the animals and most of the plants were imported, as they served an agricultural as well as aesthetic purpose. But she knew them all by name, and could point to the source of every sound that added its voice to the natural nighttime symphony.

"Carlos. Carlos, wake up."

He blinked, focusing abruptly on Billy. "Yeah? I'm listening."

"Sure you are," Billy said dryly. "That's why you just agreed with me when I told you that gravity acts as a counter-thrust force unrelated to lift. You're going to have to do a little better than that if you want to keep this thing in the air."

She laughed when he tried to imitate one of the birdcalls, and promptly put him to shame by duplicating the sound perfectly. He didn't understand it, and told her so--her voice was adapted for the water. Birdsong was the last thing she should be able to mimic. She only grinned at him when he complained and told him he should know better than to assume by now.

"With your hair falling down, and love in your eyes"

He felt his gaze sliding away again, and he had to smile as she approached. "I know. And I'm listening, really."

"Is your student giving you trouble?" Aura inquired as she joined them. The comment was for Billy, but her amused gaze was directed solely at him. "I will take over from here, if you wish."

"Please do," Billy agreed without hesitation. "Somehow I think he'll listen better to you than to me."

As ignorant as Aquitar often made him feel, he found that he didn't mind being teased by her. Anything that made her smile was more than worthwhile, and she never made him feel awkward or out of place. She always remembered to ask if he had seen or done something before she explained it, going out of her way to treat him like an equal despite her native status.

"He will have to," Aura said with a small smile. "He will never get up in the air if he doesn't."

"In my mind, you're a beautiful sight"

"Are you sure this I'm going to be able to do this?" he asked, only half-kidding as he settled into the cramped open-air cockpit. "I'm not sure you really want to be in the backseat."

"Anyone can learn," she informed him as she helped him adjust his harness. "With the right teacher."

He had to crane his neck to look up at her, but it was worth it. She smiled and leaned forward to press her mouth gently to his. Her ponytail tumbled over her shoulder as his hand snaked around her neck, pulling her as close as he could to return the tender kiss.

"I see you in a different light"

More than anything else, their walks in the garden dome made him feel like he knew her. Away from her Ranger duties and separated from the constant scrutiny of their teammates, she moved more easily and laughed more often. She said things that made his eyes widen. And when she pressed both of her hands to his and leaned close enough that he could feel her heart beating, he knew he had never felt anything more real in his life.

"Just the way I saw you last night"

~"A Different Light"~
(lyrics performed by Doug Stone)

3. Reunion

The city was grey and cold this time of year, even when the meager sunlight filtered down to the streets. Now, with darkness closing in around them, the chill wind seemed that much more hostile and what shelter they had did little to protect them.

Huddled on the lee side of what had once been a commuter skyport, the rebels were hunkered down in the shadow of the old capitol building. It loomed against the night, blotting out the few stars that shone between the clouds. Rumor had it that the final assault was coming--the capitol building would soon fall to the freedom fighters, and Eltare would rise, strong and unfettered, from the dust of the evil that now held it hostage.

Hungry, tired, and buffeted by the frigid wind, it was a hard thing for most of them to envision tonight.

"It's your turn by the fire," a voice said.

Saryn looked up, not surprised to see a fellow Ranger standing over him. "It is not," he said evenly, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. He had been keeping track of the rotations as closely as anyone else.

"Yes it is." Jenkarta stared back at him, his expression inscrutable in the flickering shadows of their single fire. "Stop being noble and take the damn seat, Saryn."

He didn't bother to argue further. He took Jenkarta's place next to the fire, ignoring the stiffness that seemed to set in every time they stopped moving for the day.

Jenkarta crouched down nearby. "The North district's rough this time of year," the other commented idly, wrapping his cloak a little tighter around his shoulders. "Especially for the desert-born."

"Yes," Saryn agreed reluctantly. He hated being a liability, but rumor indicated that Elisians made up almost a quarter of the forces now laying siege to Eltare. To turn a street fighter away because of cold susceptibility would be to drastically reduce their numbers.

The warmth was only just beginning to penetrate when the sound of laser fire reached them over the whistle of the wind. The low murmur of voices ceased within seconds, and Saryn reached silently for his weapon. All around him, the others were doing the same.

One of the perimeter guards vanished in the direction of the sound, and Saryn's eyes locked with Jenkarta's as they waited. The sound of laser fire came again, closer this time, and it was the sentry's voice that yelled, "Break!"

Saryn lunged to his feet, swinging his pack over his shoulders and hefting his weapon. The encampment had flown into action with that single word, but the warning came again, and again, and Jenkarta shouted, "Fall back to J sector!"

They scattered like ashes on the wind, the fire still burning behind them as they ran. The sound of pounding boots on pavement announced the enemy's proximity, for the rebels were silent on their feet. A blast struck the building ahead of him and Saryn flinched, but he didn't slow down. Stopping to return fire would only bring an entire contingent down on him--if the sentry had thought that they could fight and win, she would have said so.

After weeks of running a map of the city was indelibly printed in his mind, and he could have found his way into J sector under air bombardment. Their next rendezvous would be at the old alley theater, and as that had been the official word as soon as they settled in for the evening, he assumed Jenkarta intended to keep it.

Or he so assumed until a woman in rebel gear swung around the corner just ahead of him and opened fire. He threw himself down without thinking, rolling over one shoulder and coming up with his weapon trained instinctively on her. But she was picking off his pursuers as they skidded out from under cover at the other end of the boulevard, and his target site tracked to follow hers.

"Get back!" she shouted at him. "Go!"

It was her territory and he obeyed without hesitation, diving around the corner that had sheltered her. In a moment she was right behind him, pushing him out of the way and yanking open what looked like a maintenance access to the basement of the building. "In," she ordered succinctly.

It was a longer drop than he had expected, and he landed awkwardly in the damp darkness. There was a loud slam from somewhere above him, and he saw a pinpoint light flick on. It shone briefly on the access while she did something to it, possibly locking it behind her while she perched on the small lip his haphazard tumble had completely missed.

Then the light went out and she leapt down, landing rather more gracefully than he had. "You're from red group," she said, making it a statement rather than a question. "The last one for that route, I think. The 'tron were too close on your heels for anyone else to be coming down that way."

Her weapon was trained on him, he realized suddenly. There was little light for his eyes to adjust to in this windowless, subterranean alcove, but he could almost feel the target lock. Yet she made no attempt to interrogate him--

The pieces fell together in his mind and he barely had time to damp down his own empathic echo before he felt the whisper-soft scan come searching. Someone else's empathic signature slid across the surface of his mind, verifying the lack of hostile intent before vanishing back into the quiet.

A tiny green flicker from the vicinity of her wrist told the rest of the story. She wasn't alone any more than he was; she was part of a larger resistance cell that must be based in J sector for the night. They must be pulling red group off the streets as they came in, and their empath was double-checking everyone who entered. Had Jenkarta known they were here? Two groups were rarely in such close proximity, even in the capitol city.

"Ledeyan vouches for you," she said, her voice a little friendlier this time. "You'll be safe with us tonight; the 'tron have never penetrated this part of the underground. Sorry you got rousted," she added, flicking her pinpoint light on again. She did something to the light and it went widebeam, illuminating a decent-sized circle on the hard floor between them.

"So am I," he answered, with tired humor. "Thank you for assisting us."

As soon as he spoke, she flipped the light up to shine directly on his face. He winced a little and she moved it away again, shining it upward so that it cast a dim glow over the both of them. Her face was shadowed but visible, and he could see an expression of utter shock on her face.

"Saryn?" she breathed, not as though she expected him to answer.

"Yes," he replied anyway, a little wary. He had received everything from condolences to congratulations since revealing his identity, though here on this planet of legends the rebels tended to greet him with calm that bordered on indifference. It was a welcome change, and in some ways he did not look forward to leaving it behind.

"I heard you were alive," she said. Now her voice was oddly neutral. "I didn't believe it."

He didn't know how to react to that, but this time she seemed to expect some sort of response. "No?" he asked at last.

"No," she said. "And you know why? Because," she continued, not waiting for him to answer, "I thought that if you were really alive, then of course you would have contacted me. The Rangers aren't exactly low profile, you know; I wasn't hard to find. And wasn't it the least you could do? Don't you think you owed us that much?"

He stared at her in the dim light, wondering who she could possibly be to accuse him of neglecting her. He did consider the possibility that she was unstable, but she had mentioned the Rangers--the Power didn't tend to choose people with a predilection for insanity.

The silence stretched out between them, and finally he gave up. "Who are you?" he asked bluntly. He didn't have the energy to play games right now.

"Who am I?" She stared at him. Her eyes were blue enough to be striking even in the shadows, and for an instant they seemed distantly familiar. But the flicker of memory was gone before he could pin it down, and she was once again just a blonde-haired freedom fighter from someone else's resistance cell.

"Who am I," she repeated, her tone disbelieving. "Who are *you* to forget, Saryn? Who were you to run away, all those years ago? Who were you to abandon us when we needed you the most? Who were you to let us think you had *died*?"

"You... are Elisian?" he guessed, trying to suppress the anger her words evoked.

"Yes." She sounded disgusted. "I'm Elisian." She yanked her jacket back and shone her flashlight on the dull but recognizable embroidery adorning her shirt. "Do you know what that symbol means, Saryn? Or have you forgotten what that is, too?"

It was the sunburst logo of the Elisian Rangers, and his anger drained away as quickly as it had come. "If you replaced one of my teammates, then you have every right to be upset," he said quietly. "Their loss has haunted me as well, and if it is any consolation I will carry that guilt to my grave."

There was a quiet moment. She lowered the flashlight beam to the floor, letting the pool of light fall across the space between them. "You really don't remember, do you," she said, her voice unsteady. "You honestly don't recognize me?"

He gazed at her, trying to find something, anything that was familiar. The distress in her eyes roused some protective instinct in him, and he thought that it somehow confirmed her words. He must have seen her before, somewhere--but where, and when? *And who?* his mind demanded, disturbed by the sudden haziness of his memory.

"Gods, Saryn." She let out a half-chuckle, though the laugh sounded strangely despondent. "I was only seventeen, but I haven't changed that much!"

He hadn't lowered his empathic shields since he had arrived on Eltare, preferring the blindness to the feeling of desolation from the city around him. But now he felt something despite that, something that he could only call "familiar"--it had no other label, at least not one that he could call to mind.

He reached out and laid his palm on her forehead. She closed her eyes, not seeming at all surprised by the gesture. Her turmoil was glaringly apparent as soon as the contact was made, and he could feel too her pain and despair at a half-healed wound that had just now been torn asunder.

He soothed the hurt away as he had so many times before, from skinned knees to lost pets to the death of their father. There was a pain that only unconditional love could dispel, and in that brief moment of understanding he didn't know which of them did more for the other.

"Mirine," he whispered, staring at his younger sister in wonder. A rush of memories assaulted him, as though a long-closed floodgate had burst open. No longer was "home" just a word, a planet that he and his teammates had died to defend. Now home was a place where he and his sister had chased lizards and burned their feet, dug for water in the town square, and gone caving when the sun was too high to play outside. It was a place where they had watched the eclipse and celebrated birthdays and fallen in love... it was the place where they had grown up. Together.

She opened her eyes, looking back at him with a gaze as blue as his own. "You do remember," she said softly, searching his expression.

"You're the Pink Ranger." He remembered meeting her now, remembered being introduced to all of the new Rangers. Not as Saryn, of course... but how could he have forgotten that time of upheaval and chaos, when the Border was in disarray and the Defense was too new to exert any authority? "Thank you," he said, lowering his hand carefully. "Thank you for giving our people the hope they so desperately needed."

"It wasn't enough," she said, a little sadly. "We couldn't keep our planet free."

"But our people are. You, me, the others... we are what matters. A planet is just a place. Freedom--and family," he added, smiling at her, "are intangible and undefeatable."

She gave him a wavering smile, and his role as protector reasserted itself with a vengeance. He drew her into a fierce hug, and he felt her arms go around him. "I'm so proud of you, Mirine," he whispered. "There's no one better to hold Jenna's crystal."

"Thank you," she whispered back, the waver still there in her voice. "I'm so glad you're here."

"So am I," he said, squeezing her harder. Now that she was here, in front of him again, he couldn't imagine what had prompted him to shut out the part of his life that had been her. He had wanted no ties to the past, he remembered that much... but why? Why hadn't he let her help him? Why hadn't he been there to help *her* when she and her brand-new teammates had had to take on the Ranger powers alone?

There was a flicker of red in the darkness, and she pulled away from him abruptly. "I'm late reporting in--if we don't get to Ledeyan soon he's going to send someone to find me. Probably several someones."

"Lead the way," he suggested, reluctant to let her go but mindful that she had her own life now, even as he had his.

"I think you'll be surprised," she warned, as she lead the way out of the basement with her single light. "This isn't exactly a one-night camp."

He considered that for a moment, suppressing the urge to ask about her life beyond the Eltaran siege. Putting it together with the rumors that had been running rampant among red group for the last few days, he surmised, "You're preparing for an all-out attack on the capitol building."

"Yes," she said simply. "Tomorrow. The building will be left standing, but anyone inside after zero seven hundred local time won't be leaving again."

He didn't ask for details; she either didn't have them or shouldn't be giving them out. But he did wonder that she knew that much--usually only the section leaders had timetables. Even group leaders like Jenkarta didn't know much more than where and what.

His eye caught the dim fall of light ahead in the darkened corridor, but it didn't prepare him for what he saw when they rounded the corner. Lanterns were strung from above, all with rigged foils to keep the light focused in the center of the converted basement. They illuminated a scene so different from red group's earlier camp that it made his eyes widen: several people were sprawled full-length on actual bedrolls, while others gathered near a portable cooking unit. There were two people passing the time with a hand game he had never learned, and another who was departing the room with some amount of urgency as they entered.

That was when he realized that the room he saw was only one part of a larger subterranean complex. Mirine glanced his way in time to catch his startled expression, and she smiled. "I did warn you," she reminded him, a touch of pride in her voice.

"That you did," he murmured, following when she gestured him down a short hallway and into what had to be the main chamber. He had to wonder what such a network had been used for in the days before the siege.

"Ledeyan!" Mirine called, waving to someone on the other side of the room.

A man wearing an Eltaran voyager's vest looked up, caught her eye and lifted a hand in acknowledgement. His eyes slid to Saryn with a penetrating look, and for a moment they reflected a disconcerting echo back at him. It was an empath's stare, and Saryn was careful to keep his walls up. The man looked away, and he couldn't help a quiet sigh of relief.

"I'm taking another shift of sentry duty before I sleep," Mirine was saying. "You've been accounted for to Jenkarta, so I want you to take my spot by the heat generators and get some rest. You look exhausted."

"I am," he admitted ruefully. He was grateful for the warmth, though, and he tugged his jacket open a little further. "But I do not wish to--"

"I'll wake you when I come back," she interrupted, anticipating his protest. "We can switch places then." Her eyes focused abruptly on his chest, and she cocked her head. "We do have some catching up to do," she said, her voice a little softer as she reached out to touch the necklace he wore over his shirt. "Who's this?"

He glanced down at the ring in her fingers, smiling involuntarily. "Cassie Chan," he said, taking it from her and slipping the necklace off over his head. He activated the embedded holomatrix and held it out, so she could see the miniature image that smiled up at him. The holomatrix was a piece of technical gadgetry, but the enspelled ring projected Cassie's voice for his ears only.

"She's beautiful," Mirine offered, studying the hologram carefully. "Is that a Ranger insignia she's wearing?"

"She's an Astro Ranger," he said proudly. "The Pink Ranger, in fact," he added, catching his sister's eye with a smile.

She smiled back. "I've heard of the Astro Rangers... I thought they were Aquitian, but she's not--is she?"

He shook his head. "The Astro Rangers are human, as she is. I hope you may meet her soon."

"So do I," she agreed, straightening up. "I'm happy for you, Saryn..." She stared at him so intently that for a moment he wondered what she was seeing in his gaze. Then, finally, she smiled shyly and added, "And I'm happy for me, too, because you're here."

In those words he heard the echo of the teenager she had once been, and he touched her forehead again without thinking. It was a big brother gesture that he supposed he had never quite outgrown--putting words to his feelings had never been his strongest area, but she had always known how he felt. He had made sure she knew... he knew from the smile that lit her eyes that she could feel his love in that touch.

He let his hand fall and she took a step back, her brisk rebel persona not quite obscuring the smile that lingered on her face. "Sleep, Saryn," she told him. "I'll be back later."

He acquiesced with a smile of his own, glancing in Ledeyan's direction as he made his way toward the place she had indicated. To his relief, the empath appeared to have completely missed the exchange--he would have to be more careful in the future.

Someone acknowledged him sleepily as he stretched out by one of the heat generators, but his other neighbor did not stir. Mirine's bedroll was the epitome of luxury compared to the hard surface of the streets, and he could feel his tired body relaxing the moment he lay down.

With something between him and the ground, and warmth seeping into him from all sides, he was more comfortable than he had been in days. Before sleep could sneak up on him, he reached for the ring Mirine had inquired about and wrapped his fingers around it carefully. Once more he heard Cassie's voice saying, *I love you, Saryn,* and he smiled to himself as he closed his eyes.

She sat cross-legged on his bed, turning his ruby over and over in her hands. "I know it's silly," she said abruptly, "and I know this isn't going to sound right, but I'm going to say it anyway because I want you to know."

He smiled, recognizing her ongoing effort to do as he had asked months ago and tell him what was on her mind. "Please do," he agreed, taking the ruby from her gently and slipping it over his head.

She looked up, catching and holding his gaze. "Sometimes I wish you could just stay on Aquitar where it's safe," she admitted. "Or even the Megaship, where DECA and everyone could watch out for you. Actually," she decided, a bit impishly, "if I really got my wish you'd just stay next to me all day long and I'd never have to worry at all."

His smile turned wistful, but he tried not to let her see it. "Sometimes I wish that as well," he said softly. "Do you think the universe will ever let it be like that?"

She giggled. "I hope not," she said, surprising him. "We'd probably drive each other crazy in a day. But it's a nice thought."

He sighed, knowing his attempt to refrain from melancholy had failed. "You would not drive me crazy. Do you suppose normal people ever get to spend all day every day together?"

"Maybe on their honeymoon," she suggested, the impish light still in her eyes. "You'll have to marry me sometime."

He swallowed, surprised to hear her say so lightly what had been on his mind for so long. Searching her expression, he began, "This is not exactly the way I had planned it..."

She giggled again. "I was kidding, Saryn."

He took something from his dresser, staring down at it before clenching his fingers and turning back to her. "I was not," he said evenly, though his heart was pounding. She had been joking, and he would be gone tomorrow... this was not perhaps the most fortuitous time for such a declaration. But he had wanted to do this for longer than she knew, and he couldn't stop now.

He went down on one knee, holding out his hand to her. "Cassie Chan," he said, inexplicably pleased to see her eyes widen at his gesture. "I've loved you longer than I've known you, and, in accordance with the tradition of both our peoples, I wonder if you would do me the honor of marrying me."

He uncurled his fingers slowly, trying to keep them from trembling as he waited on her reaction to the ring in his hand.

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Finally, in a voice barely above a whisper, she managed, "When?"

"Now." He could see the tears shining in her eyes, and he could only pray that they were a good thing. "Tonight, while we are still together." He stopped there, for the last thing he wanted was to emphasize the danger of the place where he was going. "Please?" he added quietly.

She nodded, a single tear sliding down her cheek as she stared at him. "Of course I'll marry you," she whispered. "All you had to do was ask."

He reached out and took her hands, pulling her to her feet in the middle of his room. "May our souls be as one," he said softly, running his fingers across her forehead. "May our hearts beat together." He laid his hand over her heart and smiled at her. "May we share each day that we are given, and may we live to love again."

He leaned in to kiss her gently, and she turned her face toward his as their mouths met. "My spirit renews its promise of eternity to yours," he whispered, breathing the words into her ear. "I offer this token as a symbol of the love I cherish forever."

He drew away a little, looking down as he took the fingers of her left hand in his. Her hand trembled as he slid the ring onto her finger, and her cheeks were wet with tears when he lifted his eyes to hers again.

"Is that--" She stumbled over the words, swallowing hard before she managed to continue. "Is that tradition, or have you been thinking about it for that long?"

"Both," he said, kissing her again. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing close in his embrace and returning his kiss with a passion that he was hard-pressed to ignore. She didn't present him with the other ring until several hours later.

Voices from somewhere nearby woke him. He didn't know why that should be so, given that the low-pitched murmur of conversation was neither intrusive nor unusual in this environment. But as consciousness made its persistent presence felt, he heard Mirine's voice intertwining with one he didn't recognize and sounding more urgent than he would have expected.

He struggled to overhear without moving from his warm and extremely comfortable position beside the heat generators, but she was too far away. With a sigh, he pushed himself up and climbed stiffly to his feet. He forced his legs to carry him across the room, maneuvering around an array of sleeping bodies and noting absently that the hour must be quite late.

"Authorize blue group to deploy two individuals," Mirine was telling someone he had never met. A relay, by the way he stood to attention and breathed deeply as though still trying to repay an oxygen debt. "Only two--and make sure they know they're to be physically clear of that building by oh five hundred."

The relay nodded, but before he could turn to go Jenkarta had appeared soundlessly at Mirine's side. "What's happening?" he asked, stifling a yawn and nodding once to Saryn.

Mirine did not look happy. "Blue group's empath was captured almost an hour ago. We think she's being taken to the capitol building to await 'trial' in imprisonment."

Jenkarta frowned. "When can we go after her?"

"We can't." She didn't look pleased with what she was saying, but she didn't hold back either. "The organization for this goes back weeks now, and we can't change a militia-wide effort for one person. We can't really even spare the people from blue group to go after her, but she's their teammate and I can't keep them from trying."

With that reply, Saryn finally made the belated realization that had been evading him since he arrived. Mirine didn't have an unusual amount of information for someone who wasn't a section leader--Mirine *was* the section leader. And Jenkarta knew it too.

"What if a Ranger went after her?" Saryn asked, when Jenkarta fell silent. "One of the battleships could lock onto the Power signature from orbit and teleport them both out."

"There's no time," Mirine told him. "We don't have direct surface-to-ship communication. Or at least, none that's secure--they'd be waiting for you the moment you set foot inside the building."

His fingers twitched, and he deliberately didn't look at the ring he wore around his neck. They might not have secure communication, but he did. He knew that if he went in alone, his chances of effecting a rescue would be no better than blue group's--but he didn't have to go in alone.

"Don't even think about it, Saryn," Mirine warned, giving him a hard look. "I know that expression."

"Is there really no secure communication?" Jenkarta wanted to know. "I was under the impression that we were receiving orders from the air."

Mirine hesitated. "It's more complicated than that," she said at last, and Saryn took a casual step back. Her gaze swung toward him, eyes narrowed, and he shook his head at her suspicion, indicating the heat generators. She kept her eyes on him until he settled down again, closing his eyes briefly in the pretense of sleep.

As suspicious as she had been, it wasn't suspicious enough. Distracted by the conversation with Jenkarta, she wouldn't glance back at the heat generators for several minutes, and by then his prone form would be gone. She would curse quietly, scanning the room, but the search would come up empty. All she would find was his ring on her bedroll, glowing faintly in the well-lit room.

And when Cassie and the Megaship came for him, snatching him and his rescuee away less than an hour before the assault would have decimated the capitol building, her relief would only narrowly override her anger at his risk. The reaction was later mitigated by the triumphant liberation of Eltare's capitol--along with Cassie Chan's identical response to Saryn's insubordination--but she would secretly hold close to her heart the knowledge that her brother had not changed so much after all.


(the visit)

The wind rippled and pooled in the lee side of the rock outcropping, strong even after it broke over and around the obstruction in its path. It stung his eyes and whipped his hair about his face as he stared down at the delicately engraved stones.

"I brought you something," he said quietly, reaching into his windbreaker. He removed a single white rose, encased in solid glass to protect it from the merciless wind. "From both of us," he added, going down on one knee beside the circle of four. "Andros and Zhane send their respects as well."

He stared at the rose for a long moment before he placed it on the ground. "I wish..."

There was a long moment of silence before he realized that he had no idea how to finish the sentence. What did he wish? For things to be different? For history to rewrite itself? To give up all that he had now in order to erase their loss?

Once, that had been exactly what he wished. But as the days slipped by and time went on without them, things changed. He changed. He supposed, wherever they were, that they had changed as well. He hadn't noticed exactly when it happened, but... he no longer wished to go back.

"I wish you could know her," he whispered, almost afraid to say the words aloud. They had been his life for so long--to let them go felt like betrayal. But how could he tell them something that was untrue?

"I wish you could know all of them," he admitted. "So young, but so fearless..."

He felt a twinge as he recognized the same thing he had once said of his own team, and his hand clenched around the gems in his pocket. Had he replaced them? How could he be a member of another team when they had sworn to fight side by side forever?

He withdrew the stones from his windbreaker and reluctantly uncurled his fingers. "Who am I?" he asked them, certain only that he still didn't know the answer. "*Am* I one of them, now? Or am I still your teammate?"

The sapphire winked reprovingly up at him. A bright blue version of his own ruby, Lyris had always said the similarity of their stones was appropriate. They were more alike than anyone else on the team. He had said too that bonds like theirs didn't fade with time, because the truest friends were friends forever.

He glanced down at the rose, lying closer to the inscription "Jenna of Elisia" than to any of the others. Had he done that on purpose? He couldn't remember if he had been paying attention to exactly where it fell when he set it down.

"I miss you," he whispered, watching the sand stir a little as the wind shifted. "I know why you wanted me to stay... but it was hard, Jenna. Sometime--sometimes it still is." He sighed, not sure he liked that "sometimes". "The worst part is, I don't know if I want it to get harder or easier."

He got to his feet, looking from the engraved stones to the colored gems in his hand. "I'll see you again," he said at last. He said it every time he came, and every time it could be either a promise or a farewell. He never knew until the next time.

"Looking back when we first started, I never thought I'd see this day
If I could write the pages, our story wouldn't end this way"

The wind tore through the place where he had been, twisting around the faded color that had started to form in the air behind him. A trick of the light, perhaps, but the air seemed to brighten incrementally, the colors taking on shapes and forms and finally faces, still as insubstantial as smoke.

They moved a little, though as hard as it was to tell where they ended and the wind began it was equally hard to say in which direction they moved. But each form seemed to extend its hands to the others, and as the circle fell into place and their hands connected, the four figures abruptly solidified.

They turned as one toward the path their visitor had taken, but teleportation had already snatched him from the desert's midst.

"Why?" one of them asked, breaking the silence.

There was no answer.

"We have to go after him," someone else said, a little uncertainly.

"No." The boy's voice was firm, though the wind was harsh enough to draw tears from his eyes. "He doesn't need us now."

"We gave our word," the other boy reminded them, unusually solemn. "All of us."

"We didn't know then," the first girl said. "No one knew this would happen."

"But think what would happen if we don't go after him and he finds we were here," the other girl said quietly. "He'd never forgive us."

That was met with silence, and the uncomfortable realization of agreement.

"The first time that I listened, I thought 'Boy, she's got some nerve'
But the second time I heard it, I heard more than just those words"

"Are you all right?" Cassie asked quietly.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her watch him. Her homework lay forgotten on the floor when she looked up, and the concern in her dark eyes was as familiar as the smile that graced her lips when he at last nodded.

"I'm glad," she said, pushing herself into a sitting position. "Do you want me to go?"

She always waited for him, respecting his wish to go alone but unwilling to let him return to an empty room. "I wish you wouldn't," he answered, surprising himself. "I find I would like some company. Yours especially."

Her smile brightened noticeably. "Then you've got it."

He smiled in return, knowing he had startled her with his words. It was his habit to spend days like this alone, reflecting--or brooding, as Cassie would say. But this time he just wasn't in the mood.

"Do you have much homework?" he asked, abandoning his place by the door and coming to sit beside her on the floor. He would never understand why she preferred the floor to the perfectly serviceable desk tucked into the corner of his small room.

"Not for tomorrow," she said, a little evasively. "Just catching up on my Lit reading. How come?"

He knew how little free time she had these days, between her duties as a Power Ranger and her efforts to complete her last year of high school on Earth. He sometimes felt badly asking her to give up what little time she had to spend with him, but she had threatened to hurt him the last time he brought it up. So, with only the slightest twinge of guilt, he said, "I wondered if I might take you out tonight."

"I'd love to!" Her reply was immediate, though he didn't miss her flicker of surprise at his request. He knew he was often less than sociable when they visited Elisia, and she probably hadn't expected anything different this time. "Where are we going?"

In truth, he hadn't thought that far ahead. "Wherever you wish," he answered, pleased by her enthusiasm.

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you learned not to let me choose last time," she teased. "I'm not too up on intergalactic society."

"I found your choice romantic," he replied, trying not to smile.

She giggled, starting to gather up her books. "You did not. Hey, do you still have--"

He put a finger over her lips, letting his smile show this time. "Wait here," he said. He stood up, turning toward his desk and hearing her climb to her feet behind him. "I think--"

There was a knock on the door, and he broke off as Cassie called, "Come in!" He peered underneath one of Cassie's notebooks--just because she didn't sit at the desk apparently didn't mean she was averse to using it as a storage area--and wondered which of the Rangers was looking for him this afternoon.

A crash put him instantly on alert and he spun, searching for a threat even where his mind told him there should be none. Some tiny portion of his consciousness noted that Cassie's books had tumbled to the floor, but his gaze was riveted to the door.

The years melted away as Jenna smiled awkwardly back at him.

"You said that we were gonna last forever
You said our love would never die"

"I still can't believe Eltare fell," Kris murmured. "They were invincible."

"Just like you when you're mad," Timmin cracked.

Seated between his knees on the floor of the observatory, with his arms wrapped around her shoulders, Kris just rolled her eyes and slapped his leg affectionately. "I seem to remember you claiming invincibility when you rigged Saryn's datafeed last year."

"And look how that turned out," Jenna added, her eyes twinkling.

"I don't know how he found me out," Timmin grumbled. "It's not like it doesn't fail often enough on its own. It could have been a perfectly normal malfunction."

"Perfectly normal malfunctions don't involve laughing skulls appearing on the screen," Saryn informed him.

Lyris snorted. "In Timmin's world they do. Usually when his Wrath game fails."

"You're just jealous because you can never get past the second level," Timmin told him.

"Until you start winning when we race, I'm not worried," Lyris retorted.

"Five to four," Saryn remembered suddenly. He was startled by how quickly a four-year-old score had popped into his mind. "You lost that day at the cliffs."

"Not to Timmin," Lyris said, a smug look on his face. "Anytime you think you can take me, Saryn."

He laughed aloud at the challenge in his friend's tone. "As of tomorrow, then, the score becomes six-four."

Lyris actually smirked at him, and he felt the other empath's cocky projection loud and clear. *Keep dreaming, Saryn!*

"It's so nice to meet an old friend, and pass the time of day
And talk about the hometown, a million miles away"

He knocked hesitantly, not sure what kind of welcome to expect. But the door opened immediately, and Cassie stood there, a surprised look on her face. "Hey," she said neutrally.

"Hi." He took a deep breath and forced the question out. "Are you--ready to go?"

She blinked. "We're still going?"

"If you would rather not--"

"I thought *you'd* rather not," she interrupted. "I mean, it isn't exactly a normal night, and I thought you'd want to... well, you know."

"I want to spend it with you," he said softly. "I will go if you turn me away, but..." He hesitated, searching for words. "There's so much inside my head right now--I'm not sure I can handle it alone."

She studied him for a moment, taking in his expression and, thankfully, choosing not to ask *why* he was alone. "Let's go," she said at last.

The Megaship was in orbit around Earth once more, preparatory to another school day in Angel Grove, and he couldn't miss Cassie's surprise when they appeared in the twilight at the ocean's edge. In the short time he had had to acquaint himself with Earth, he had found no place so peacefully alien as this, and he needed something with no reminders of his past in it right now.

"Saryn," she said finally, when he offered no explanation aloud. "Are you all right?"

How could he explain elation, disappointment, fear and excitement in words that she would understand? In words that *he* would understand? Everywhere he looked it was as though the universe had twisted two halves into a discordant whole, remaking itself into something that he wasn't sure he could deal with. How could anyone live two lives at once?

"I don't know," he said at last, hating the words for their inadequacy. "There are moments when--everything is right, and perfect, and then suddenly I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I'll never get out of."

It didn't explain anything, and it sounded terrible even to his ears. The old Elisia had been a dream for so long that it cut into his heart to hear his own voice calling it a nightmare. But Cassie's words jarred him free from the surreal nature of the day, making his gaze snap toward her in surprise.

"Me too," she said simply.

"When the car thrums beneath you, like windy, flapping wings
And you fly so high that you hear sirens, I'm riding shotgun"

They were still up when he got back. He wasn't sure what he had expected; after all, the five of them used to stay up talking until the earliest hours of morning. It was, as Jenna had observed often enough, the only way any of them ever saw sunrise. From "the right side of midnight", she called it.

"That was real then," Cassie's voice told him quietly, speaking out of his memories with words she wouldn't dare remind him of today. "This is real now."

She was trying so hard not to offer anything but sympathy... even when he had asked for her opinion, she had refused to give it. She was part of only half his world, and he knew that if she had never believed that before, she did now. But did he *want* her to believe that?

He watched the four of them, unobserved, from the shadow of the doorway. Effectively unobserved, at least--he knew Lyris had sensed his arrival, and the Blue Ranger's gaze had flicked in his direction briefly. The other boy said nothing, though, allowing Saryn to eavesdrop without comment.

They were planning to reclaim Elisia. Eltare had bogged down under the weight of its own reconstruction effort, but with Rangers to rally the refugees and even minimal backing from the legendary Eltaran government, they were convinced it could be done.

"We never used to wait for anyone to take care of us," Jenna declared at one point. "We're not going to wait this time either. We take care of our own."

Her words stirred something inside of him. He wanted to see Elisia rise again; he wanted it so badly that he could feel the ache in his heart. He wanted to stand with his teammates again, and defend their home against anything that would challenge it, whether it was Eltaran government or the ghost of Dark Spectre himself. But he couldn't do it alone.

*Alone?* Something in his mind rebelled at the idea that he could be alone among his own teammates, his best friends in the universe.

"That was real then..."

He swallowed, watching Jenna cuff Lyris on the shoulder and then shriek with laughter as he pulled her into his arms to tousle her hair in retaliation. Timmin chuckled too, whispering something in Kris' ear that made her elbow him hard in the stomach. He pretended to be hurt, but Saryn saw the tender look that passed between the empathically bound couple.

He heard someone clear their throat softly, right behind him. He stiffened, but suppressed the instinct to whirl. "Yes?"

"Guest rooms are ready," Zhane's voice offered neutrally. "I was going to come in and tell you, but I guess you saved me a few extra steps."

"Thank you," Saryn answered, not turning.

There was a brief pause, and then Zhane continued, "Not everyone gets a chance to go back, you know."

He tried to suppress his annoyance at the intrusion, intending only to ignore the unsolicited remark. But Zhane had lost his life too... Three months ago he had woken up in a time not his own, on the receiving end of a one-way ticket two years into the future. The change had been just as abrupt, if not quite so final. Or was it?

"Would you?" he asked suddenly.

There was a moment of silence, and he wondered if the other had gone. But then Zhane answered, "At first? Yeah. I used to wish for it, almost every night. Just to go back to what I knew, to be home again. At least there I knew who I was--how do you stay yourself when everything you knew is gone?"

Saryn turned his head a little, surprised by the Silver Ranger's reflective words. He shouldn't be; he had heard Andros' friend turn philosophical before... it was a part of himself that Zhane seemed determined to hide. "And now?" he prompted reluctantly.

"Can't," Zhane said, so easily that he wondered if the other was about to make a joke. "Too late. I've been here too long; I've changed. If I went back, it wouldn't be my world anymore. It would be the old me's world, and I'd be as lost there as the old me was when he showed up here."

Saryn sighed quietly, envying the other's calm acceptance of his fate. "Do you ever wish to go back anyway?" he couldn't help asking.

Zhane's answer surprised him. "Sure I do. Me and Andros were everything back then. We could finish each other's thoughts. Now whole days go by when I don't even see him. And when I do, it's 'Ashley this' and 'Ashley that' and 'Ashley and I are perfect.' If you tell him I said that, by the way," Zhane added, not missing a beat, "I'll kill you."

His usual ability with words had deserted him, and he could only nod.

Zhane apparently took that for agreement, for he continued without prompting. "Still, even when I wish I could go back? I don't *really* wish it. Like if a temporal portal opened up and someone said, 'This is it, this is your chance, go for it'? I'd tell them thanks, but no thanks."

Saryn finally turned to face him, searching his expression. "Why?" he asked, desperate for an answer. "Is it not disloyal to give up those years? What right do you have to stay here when you promised yourself to someone else in another time?"

"You said it yourself," Zhane pointed out, not at all disturbed by his intensity. "That was another time. I'm promised to people in this time now. I can't abandon them any more than I would have abandoned the ones in the other time if I'd been given a choice. But the fact is that I wasn't given a choice then, and I *am* being given a choice now. Doing the wrong thing now won't set right a situation I didn't have any control over two years ago."

*Not alone,* he realized, listening to Zhane answer his questions with an unscoffing seriousness that he reserved only for his closest friends. He wouldn't be alone with his teammates after all.

"...This is real now."

"We all learn the hard way, we can't pretend to know
Where life is going to lead us, or which way the wind will blow"

It had been some time ago now that they had made up their "rules". They both valued their space, but she knew how reluctant he was to turn her away. She worried that she might intrude some night when all he really wanted was to be alone, and he wouldn't tell her.

So they kept their separate rooms on the Megaship, and whoever went to bed first went to their own room. If one of them wanted to be alone, they set the privacy lock. Otherwise the door was left open for the other.

She hadn't set the privacy lock on her door, but neither had she expected him to join her. It had been hard to fall asleep for wondering what he was up to, and the sound of the door sliding open woke her from a restless doze. She didn't move, almost holding her breath as he slipped into the room. She heard him set the lock as the door closed behind him, and then the whisper of movement as he prowled around the room.

Finally, she felt the mattress shift as he sat down beside her, laying one hand gently on her shoulder. He thought she was asleep, she realized, feeling something tickle her skin. She bit her lip, wondering whether to speak, when finally the tickling feeling clicked in her mind and she knew what he was doing.

She let him slide his hand under her head, slowly, being careful not to disturb her as he slipped the gold chain around her neck. She felt tears well up in her eyes, knowing the necklace meant one of two things. He was staying... or leaving without a goodbye. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, forcing herself to stay still and let him choose.

Then the mattress shifted again, and she felt his arm go around her as he lay down, pressing close on the cramped twin bed. She squeezed her eyes shut, displaced tears trickling across her temple. She heard him sigh softly, relaxing a little, and then he whispered, "Good night, Cassie. I love you."

She swallowed, fumbling for his necklace and clenching the ruby in her fingers. "I love you, too," she murmured.

There was a startled pause, and then, "You're awake."

"You're quick," she whispered, smiling through her tears. "Empathy on vacation?"

"So it would seem." As the surprise faded, she could hear relief tingeing his voice. "Thank you."

She squirmed, managing to roll over onto her back. She felt him shift too, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look down at her. "For what?" she wanted to know, trying to wipe the tears away from her eyes without him noticing.

He noticed anyway. "For being my destiny," he whispered, brushing her tears away.

"I could climb the mountain high, I could spread my wings and fly
But I could never say goodbye, just as long as you love me"

"No..." She reached for his hand, trying to keep him from slipping away. His hand was solid beneath hers, but she could see the walls of the Medical bay through their joined fingers. "I thought it would be longer."

She tore her gaze away when the sound of footsteps intruded, in time to see their former teammate standing breathless in the doorway. He was as quick to respond to Lyris' mental summons as ever... but the dark-haired Cassie he had told them so much about was at his side, neither of them in uniform. Time passed, and they were not the only ones who had changed.

From the look of horrified comprehension on his face, she knew he could see the ethereal flickering of their forms as well. "No," he whispered, echoing her without knowing it. "I don't want to lose you again."

She felt fingers tighten on hers, and she heard Lyris answer quietly, "You never lost us the first time, Saryn."

She shook her head vehemently, agreeing with him. "Part of us was always here. Otherwise we wouldn't have been able to come back."

"But why..." He trailed off helplessly, and her heart went out to him.

"Why not?" Timmin answered, a half-smile on his face as he pulled Kris closer to him. They were both ghostly transparent by now, but they were obviously as solid to each other as Lyris was to her. "Lighten up, Saryn; it's just a game. Time to play the next round."

It wasn't they that were transparent, she realized suddenly. It was the Megaship that was fading from view. They only looked see-through because it was shifting around them... she glanced quickly at the girl beside Saryn, wishing she had had time to say something to her.

The other girl caught her eye, as though Cassie knew what she was thinking. Jenna smiled a little, lifting her hand in farewell. *Take care of him,* she thought, feeling Lyris' arm go around her shoulders as the Megaship disappeared from view.

"I never wanted to hurt you, 'cause darling I still love you
But things aren't like they used to be, it's time for letting go"

"You okay?" she asked, watching him watch her. The wind flung her hair over her shoulders and tossed it in every direction, but she paid it no mind.

"I can't help thinking they were right," he said at last, his gaze stealing across the desert. "'We take care of our own,' Jenna said. 'We never used to wait for anyone to take care of us.' And yet Elisia remains underpopulated and ungoverned in the wake of Dark Spectre's defeat."

"You help who needs helping," she reminded him. "That's what Rangers do. You can't do everything at once, and you have to start somewhere. Sometimes 'somewhere' just isn't as close to home as you'd like it to be."

"Is that it?" he wondered aloud, glancing down at the stone-carved inscriptions rising out of the sand at their feet. "Or is that only an excuse? Would they have found a way to make it happen?"

"Saryn," she said sternly. "I have two words for you, and they should sound familiar." She waited until he lifted his gaze to hers, hoping it wasn't the wrong thing to say. "Lighten up."

He stared at her a moment before cracking a smile, and she grinned in relief when he offered her his hand. His words were quiet beneath the whistle of the wind, but she caught them anyway. "Let's go home," he said softly.

"Tell me something, who could ask for more
Than to be living in a moment you would die for?"

(Lyrics, in order of appearance: "The Visit," Chad Brock. "Is That A Tear," Tracy Lawrence. "Cold Day In July," Dixie Chicks. "Did She Mention My Name," Gordon Lightfoot. "T-Bird," Kaitlin. "Let 'Em Whirl," Blackhawk. "You Love Me," Claudia Church. "The Visit," Chad Brock. "Living In A Moment," Ty Herndon.)


4. Starlight

A single stain glass lamp cast its cozy glow throughout the loft. A tri-color rainbow spread across the translucent shade, with sunset orange and gold lighting the background and a simulated tree trunk holding the bulb. The lamp had been rescued from storage for the sole purpose of illuminating this space between house and roof that TJ had come to call "the loft".

Partially insulated but not heated, the area was chilly on a December afternoon. But the beanbag chair he shared with Tessa held warmth well, and the cool air gave them an excuse to cuddle together under an old patchwork quilt. Similarly liberated from storage was the ancient boombox within Tessa's reach on the other side of the beanbag, and today it filled the air with the ubiquitous music of the season.

Some of the time, anyway. Tessa insisted on station surfing whenever a commercial came on, and she settled on country stations as often as she chose pop radio. While the latter was playing the songs he had heard all his life, the former had a distinctly bizarre sense of holiday spirit. TJ had listened to "Rusty Chevrolet", "Santa Got A Semi", and "Leroy The Red-Necked Reindeer" before he demanded that she change the station back to something more conventional.

She had, but she had chided him for having no sense of humor and before long they were back to country again. This time she had tuned into a less outrageous song, and he said nothing as Tessa tucked her arm under the quilt and rested her head on his shoulder again. Did it matter, after all, what they listened to right now?

It was Christmas Eve, and no matter the festivities around them, TJ couldn't help feeling a little melancholy. They would be leaving in a few hours, heading north to spend the night with their families in Sanborn. While he was looking forward to seeing his parents and his sister, and he was delighted that Tessa's family had allowed her to ride up with him and his uncle, he had mixed feelings about leaving Angel Grove during the holidays.

For one thing, any evil with the smallest amount of intelligence knew that a time of celebration was the best time to attack. Christmas in Angel Grove did have a history of trouble, including one memorable occasion last year when he had had to teleport back to help deal with menacingly bewitched reindeer.

Aside from that, though, there was the team itself. Why did he feel so much more isolated from it this year? Why did it feel like him and them instead of "us"? And why did he feel like he was only driving the wedge deeper by going home now?

He had gone home for Christmas last year, too. But last year the party at the Youth Center had spilled over into the morning of Christmas Eve, and the whole team had relocated to Ashley's house. They had slept and played games and watched TV in their pajamas until noon, and when he finally left it was with the warm camaraderie of friendship following him.

This year he and Tessa had helped Adelle decorate for the annual party, and they had attended together. Ashley had come too, though neither Andros nor Zhane put in an appearance. Cassie hadn't shown either, and Carlos had been distracted and moody all evening. He had left early, claiming fatigue. Ashley had left, somewhat apologetically, soon afterwards.

Not that he hadn't had a good time anyway; between Tessa, Karen, and Justin, he had been introduced to almost everyone who walked through the doors of the Surf Spot. But when he dropped Tessa off at Karen's house for the night and returned home to find his uncle still out, he had been struck by the difference between this year and last. They were growing apart--the five formerly inseparable teammates were no longer each other's only friends. He knew that shouldn't sadden him, but, on some level, it did nonetheless.

*Another year has come and gone,* he thought, quoting an old calendar poem he had memorized once. It had been one of those junior high homework assignments that never quite faded the way it was supposed to. *Another year has flown...*

It occurred to him to wonder where they would be next year at Christmas. They would graduate in June, but after that what would keep any of them in Angel Grove? On closer reflection, he decided rather sullenly, he wasn't sure he liked this "growing up" business at all.

"Now Christmas seems to come so fast," the tinny radio sang, an irritating counterpoint to his thoughts. "More than once a year... childhood never seems to last, and grownup ways appear..."

He sighed, resigned to the universe's sense of humor by now. "If I could turn the tide of time," the radio continued, "I'd do it sure enough--"

"Hey," Tessa interrupted quietly. "Whatcha thinking?"

"Just moping," he said, staring idly into the distance. "Don't mind me."

She craned her neck to look up at him without lifting her head. "Since when are you Scrooge?" she teased gently. "It's Christmas, remember?"

"That's the problem," he admitted. "It's Christmas, but... where is everyone, you know?"

She didn't answer for a moment. Finally, she said, "I get the feeling you don't mean everyone in Sanborn."

He hesitated. "No," he said slowly. "Maybe I should, though." Tessa was a constant reminder that he wasn't quite like everyone else. Sometimes he was glad of it, and sometimes... "I mean, they're my family, right?"

"You can't choose your family," she reminded him. "If you could, I think the Rangers would be yours. There's nothing wrong with missing them."

He squeezed her shoulder, grateful to her for understanding. "It's funny," he mused. "But since the Alliance of Evil fell apart, I feel like we see each other less instead of more."

"You have time for other things now," Tessa said softly. "Time to get a life, as Karen would say."

He chuckled. "Yeah," he agreed, reaching for her hand. "I guess I'm just realizing how much being Rangers holds us together. Most of us wouldn't have even met if it weren't for the team, and now that the team isn't everything anymore, we're starting to go our own ways again."

"Oh, that's not true," she scolded. "Don't be maudlin, TJ. You all go to the same school, and you're never more than two seconds away from each other thanks to these." She pulled their clasped hands out from under the quilt so that his morpher was visible.

He smiled at her indignation, but he wasn't deterred. "That's not what I mean, though. Even when we are together, we're not really. You saw Carlos last night--sometimes I'm not sure he even knows what day it is when Aura's not around. And Ashley's been counting down to graduation almost since school started... Did you know we only have a hundred and four days left?"

She giggled. "My roommate started counting the weeks back in September, if that's any comfort."

"At least your roommate made it through the semester," he countered. "Sometimes I'm not sure Cassie's going to make it to January, let alone June."

Tessa frowned in surprise. "She's not going to college?"

He snorted. "She's already threatened to drop out of high school twice, and it's only December. If she graduates at all it'll be a miracle."

She was quiet for a moment. "What would she do?" she asked at last.

TJ shrugged a little. "I haven't the faintest idea, but I suppose it would involve riding off into the sunset with Saryn somewhere."

"Not very practical," she said, a smile in her voice.

"But appealing," he said wryly. "And Saryn only encourages her."

"No." Tessa sounded startled. "He wouldn't, would he? He doesn't seem like the type."

"Oh, he doesn't mean to." He considered for a moment. "Actually, he may be the only thing keeping her in school, because you know all he'd have to do is say the word and she'd go. But he doesn't help, either. He's on Eltare most of the time, and when he's here it seems like all he does is say hello, pick Cassie up, and whisk her away on some romantic getaway. It's no wonder she doesn't want to be in school."

"Missing parent syndrome," Tessa murmured.

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You know, when parents get divorced. The one who leaves is always the hero, because they're only around to do fun things on the weekend. They never have to deal with day-to-day life."

"Are you saying their relationship works because they're never together?" TJ couldn't help but be amused by the thought that, after everything Cassie and her Phantom had been through, they wouldn't be able to handle grocery shopping and car payments.

She breathed out in amusement, obviously getting a similar mental picture. "No, of course not. I've never seen anyone as devoted as they are. That's just what your description reminded me of."

They were quiet for a little while, listening to a surprisingly normal rendition of "Winter Wonderland" on Tessa's latest country station. Then, suddenly, she asked, "What about Ashley and Carlos?"

"What about them?" he asked, though he had a pretty good idea what she meant. The beanbag shifted underneath him as he tried to get a little more comfortable.

"Do they want to ride off into the sunset too?" She didn't try to move, knowing by now that two people trying to reshape a beanbag chair never worked as well as one.

"No," he said, hugging her a little closer as he resettled himself. "And Carlos is talking about going to AGU. But Ashley already applied to at least three places for early notification, and only one of them's even in-state."

"Horror," Tessa teased gently. "Imagine her wanting to leave home!"

He smiled a little at that. "Angel Grove's only a couple of hours from Sanborn. It's not the same thing."

"It never is when it's you," she reminded him. "What does Andros think?"

He shrugged. "Who knows? I'm not sure Andros really gets the whole college thing. As far as he's concerned, it's just four more years of high school."

"It's not," she murmured. "I don't think she's going to want to teleport back to the Megaship every afternoon."

"I know," he said, a little frustrated. "But I don't know how much she's tried to explain it to him. She keeps saying it's her decision, and that she's going to get out of high school before she worries about college."

Tessa didn't answer, and he tried to relax a little. It *was* Ashley's decision, and it was her issue to work out with Andros. He wasn't involved, and he wouldn't have any advice to give even if he were. What did he know about offplanet relationships?

He actually chuckled as a thought occurred to him. "You know, it wasn't when we became Rangers that things got complicated," he remarked. "It was when we went into space. Whose brilliant idea was that, anyway?"

She giggled. "Yours!"

"That'll teach me to speak before I think," he said, grinning. "'Guys, let's go into space! Let's go chase Zordon halfway across the universe!' Great idea, TJ; just great."

"Maybe if you just hadn't said, 'Let's get involved with the first aliens we meet,'" she suggested impishly.

"I didn't!" he declared. "They did that on their own!"

There was a smile in her voice as she nestled her head closer to his chest. "Then what are you worried about? They got this far; they'll work it out."

And what if they did, he wondered. What would he do then? What if Ashley went off to school in New England and Andros went with her? What if Carlos decided he'd rather work on Aquitian zords than study athletic training at AGU? What if Cassie left with Saryn one of these days and just didn't come back?

"Do you really think they won't make it?" Tessa asked when he didn't reply. She sounded more serious than she had a moment before.

"No..." He sighed, knowing he could never tell anyone else this. "I think they'll make it. And I guess that sort of scares me. I mean... what am I going to do without them?"

"The same thing you did before," she offered, not bothering to mention their morphers this time. "Go on. Whether you're a Ranger or not, that's what graduating is about. You have to go your own way, and sometimes that means leaving friends. It doesn't mean you have to give them up. It just means that... things might be a little different now."

"You can't go home again?" he suggested wryly.

"No," she countered. "You can't go back, TJ. But you can always go home."

He smiled at the conviction in her voice. She would know, he supposed. She was his "next year", after all. He reached up to touch the clip he had given her last night, now firmly fastened in her hair. "Nice barrette, Tess."

She laughed, hearing his unvoiced agreement in the idle statement. "Nice toy, TJ," she echoed, pointing at the Lightcast sitting on the floor by the lamp. Or, as he had decided to refer to it, his fiber optic chia pet.

"Thanks," he said proudly. The delicate fiber optic threads waved gently when he nudged it with his finger, and the ends twinkled each time the angle was just right. "My favorite person in the whole world gave it to me."

"She must be pretty special," she teased.

"Oh, she is," he agreed. He remembered her words the night before when he had pulled it out of its wrapping paper, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Hey! You were talking about me last night, weren't you!"

"When?" she asked, but her tone was amused.

"When you said my fiber optic chia pet was like the stars," he told her, and she giggled at his description. "You said sometimes you can't see their light unless you look at them a certain way--"

"But it's always there," she finished with an audible grin. "You just got that now, huh? Good job, TJ."

"My own fault for having an obscure girlfriend," he muttered, and she slapped his arm.

"Who are you calling obscure?" she demanded.

The rest of her retort--and he was sure she had more--was interrupted by a knock from the hallway below. "Io, lovebirds!" Max shouted up to them. "I need my suitcase!"

Tessa giggled. "Come get it!" she called back. "It's safe!"

"That's what you think," TJ whispered, too quietly for Max to overhear. She squeaked as he gave her ear a playful nip, and she slapped his arm again.

"Behave," Tessa hissed, just as Max stuck his head warily over the top of the ladder.

"Hi Uncle Max," TJ greeted him innocently. "Did you have a good time last night?"

"Why, yes..." He clambered up the rest of the way, eyeing the Lightcast. "And what, precisely, is that?"

"A fiber optic chia pet," TJ replied helpfully, and Tessa burst into giggles again.

"It's a Lightcast," she managed, and Max raised an eyebrow. "It's just colored bulbs and fiber optics," she added. "So you can only see the light when you're looking straight through one of the threads."

"Or it's space," TJ put in, and she smiled.

"Or it's space," she agreed. "Not that TJ would know."

"Hey!" he exclaimed, but suddenly she shushed him and reached for the radio. "What--"

He broke off as he recognized the caller talking to the DJ. "It's not a Christmas song," the caller was saying. "But since everyone sort of tries to figure out where they're going at the end of the year, I was wondering if you could play 'Destination Unknown'."

"I think we could do that," the DJ drawled. "You want to send that out to someone?"

There was a pause, and then Cassie's voice replied, "Could you send it out to the team? They'll know who it is."

"Can do," the DJ said easily. "Like you said, though, that's not a Christmas song, and we're trying to get in the spirit around here. Care to make a second request?"

"Can I?" Cassie sounded delighted. "Have you played 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer' yet?"

TJ snickered, and he heard the DJ chuckle. "Nope, but I think we should. Thanks for calling in, Cassie from Angel Grove."

"Thank you," Cassie answered. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, honey."

"I guess Cassie's back," TJ said in an aside to Tessa. "Nice of her to let us know."

"She just did," Tessa said softly. "Listen to the song."

"Do you know how many times I've heard that reindeer song this year?" Max was complaining as he rooted around for his suitcase in another part of the loft. "Couldn't she have picked 'Jingle Bell Rock' or something?"

"I've heard *that* a million times this year," TJ informed him. "Now be quiet."

The song Cassie had requested was one he'd never heard before, but for something Cassie liked it was typically fast and upbeat. And, he noted with amusement, it was love at first sight. But he smiled at the chorus, and after a moment he realized that even Max had stopped his search to listen.

"I asked if she knew where we were going
She said half the fun of going is not knowing"

TJ shook his head. *How does she know?* he wondered silently.

He caught Tessa's eye as the song came to an end and whispered, "Let's go try and find everyone to say Merry Christmas again before we leave."

A smile spread across her face, and she nodded. He pulled the quilt away and she scrambled out of his arms, taking the quilt from him as he struggled to get out of the suddenly squishy beanbag chair. "We're going to go up to the Megaship for a little while," he said, managing to push himself up. "Don't get into too much trouble, Uncle Max."

Tessa dropped the quilt back on the beanbag just as "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" replaced the closing chords of "Destination Unknown". Smiling, she turned the radio off.

"Thank you," Max said fervently, looking over his shoulder to wave at them. "I'll try to be packed by the time you get back."

"We won't hurry," TJ said with a grin. Tessa laughed, and he saw Max give the two of them a mock-scowl as they disappeared into the sapphire teleportation stream.

"Destination unknown
Like shooting stars we were going somewhere out into the night
Hearts on fire, wheels a-rolling
Caught between a moonlit sky and the sparkle in her eye
Moving anything but slow
Destination unknown"

~"Destination Unknown"~
(lyrics performed by Victor Sanz)


(family)

"All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift"

"Do *not* let her pick the radio station." TJ was hanging over the back of the passenger seat, and he batted Tessa's hand away from the dashboard in an effort to enforce his own warning.

Max glanced up at the rearview mirror and grinned at his nephew. "Oh, I don't know," he said easily, looking back at the road as the outskirts of Angel Grove fell away behind them. "I thought she was doing a pretty good job of it earlier."

"Thank you," Tessa replied, smirking over her shoulder at TJ. "You're outvoted, Spaceboy."

"Don't you start," TJ told her, his tone a mixture of amusement and resignation. "It's going to be a long vacation if you're both calling me that every time I turn around."

"He's right," Max put in, pretending to be thoughtful. "We'd better start thinking of an explanation for it in case anyone asks." TJ's indignant exclamation made him chuckle.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tessa point to something out the window. "Look!" she said delightedly. "Lights!"

TJ must have turned to look, for Tessa laughed triumphantly and reached forward to change the radio station. "Santa got a semi, flyin' down the road--"

TJ groaned loudly. "I'm sure we've already heard this one today!"

"Southbound North Pole overload," Tessa sang along with the radio, a wide grin on her face as the Tracker passed the city limit sign.

"Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale come true"

The flames of a fire meant solely for atmosphere rather than warmth were a welcome change from the insidious chill of the planet she had just left. Mirine snuggled closer into the warmth of the couch and glanced over at her brother, to all appearances fast asleep at the other end of the sofa. He rarely looked as relaxed as he did when he slept, even around her.

Cassie appeared in her peripheral vision, and she looked up in time to see the other girl heading in their direction. She smiled as Saryn's wife pulled a blanket up over his shoulders, stroking his hair tenderly before turning toward her.

"Hey," Cassie said quietly, coming over to lean against the armrest at her end of the couch. "Feeling any better?"

Mirine nodded, pulling her voyager's vest closer around her. "Very much so; thank you."

Cassie didn't miss the gesture. "Want a blanket of your own? Or a sweatshirt?"

She smiled again, shaking her head this time. "I'm not cold, but thank you." She saw the sincere concern in Cassie's eyes, knew she must be used to Saryn's self-sacrificing attitude, and added, "Truly. I'm just--glad to be here, that's all."

"Glad to have him back?" Cassie suggested quietly, and Mirine gave her a startled look.

"Yes," she said after a moment, wondering how she had known. "It's... it's been a long time."

Cassie gave her shoulder a squeeze as she stood up. "If there's one thing he's taught me, it's that there is such a thing as a happy ending. I'm going to go see if DECA will make us some hot chocolate--want some?"

After a brief hesitation, Mirine nodded her acquiescence. Cassie gave her a bright smile before disappearing around the control wall of the Simudeck, leaving brother and sister to share the couch in the cozily lit room.

"Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when I prayed
I'd find someone
Baby, I found you"

"Checking to make sure they're really asleep before Santa Claus comes?" she teased, putting an arm around her husband's shoulder as she peered into Ashley's room.

"Making sure they're *only* sleeping," Joe muttered. His words were halfway between joking and serious.

Andros was stretched out on Jeff's old sleeping bag, sleeping on the floor beside their daughter's bed. Ashley had invited him for Christmas without bothering to find out how many other relatives would be filling the house the night before, but her boyfriend had assured them that he didn't mind.

"She's almost an adult, now," she said quietly, staring in at the peaceful scene. As much as she missed the days when their children had to be coaxed or threatened into bed on December 24th, seeing them grow up was a treasure no parent in their right mind would forgo. "She can take care of herself."

Joe gave her a slightly wary look. "I hope you don't know something I don't."

"No," she said with a smile. "But that's not the kind of thing you tell your mother. At least, not for a few years," she added, thinking back.

He grunted, not looking appeased. "He could have stayed the night on the Megaship. It's not like it's hard for them to teleport back and forth."

She squeezed his arm, reaching for the doorknob with her free hand. "One thing I do know," she said quietly, as she pulled the door shut. "Somewhere, two parents aren't going to see their little girl for the holidays, because she's spending Christmas Eve on a spaceship with her alien boyfriend."

He opened his mouth, then closed it slowly.

She took a step further down the hallway, pushing Jeff's door open a crack to check on him before closing it again. "I want our children to know they're always welcome here," she said softly as she turned back to her husband. "No matter what."

"Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
If only time stood still"

He didn't think he'd fallen asleep until he rolled over and saw the lighted clock display staring back at him. 12:30... it was after midnight. So what was that glow coming from the floor?

Gabe sat up, suppressing a yawn as he blinked blearily down at his brother's prone form. He must have dozed off more deeply than he thought, for he couldn't make any sense of what he was seeing. "Merry Christmas, bro," he muttered. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I thought you weren't supposed to swear," Carlos said, not looking up from the glowy thing in front of him. "Isn't that a bad example for little kids?"

"Dojo rules don't apply after midnight," he answered, yawning again. "What *is* that?"

"Just a letter," Carlos said, shutting it off. "I didn't have time to read it before."

"That was a letter, huh?" He couldn't resist--letters on this planet were *not* supposed to glow. "Man, do you have any idea how weird your life is?"

He heard Carlos sigh. "Believe me, it gets weirder every day."

He didn't say anything for a moment, startled to hear his older brother sound upset about it. Carlos had done so many things he hadn't even dreamed of. "Hey bro," he said impulsively. "Do you think I could see Aquitar someday?"

"Sure," Carlos replied, rolling over on his back. He sounded mildly surprised, but he didn't hesitate. "Any time. Brothers first, man."

"Brothers first," he echoed, smiling to himself.

"The colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But you know in my eyes
You'll still be wonderful"

It was an odd group that greeted Christmas Day on the Simudeck of the Astro Megaship. Or rather, it was an odd group that was greeted *by* Christmas Day, since none of them were awake yet. The five of them lay sprawled on various pieces of furniture, the simulated fire still burning on the hearth and a decorated evergreen twinkling in the corner.

She stood over her blonde-haired wards, both sleeping soundly in twin recliners by the tree. So different from each other--the one who should have been a Ranger but had been denied the chance, and the other who hadn't been intended for the Power yet came to possess it anyway. She who had been a pacifist had only recently left the fight, and he who was a warrior had only just rejoined it.

She smiled down at Zhane and Kerone, glad that both of them had found their way home again. "We missed you," she whispered. She remembered Andros' silent vigils, night after night, and she had kept her own. There had been some quiet, lonely years on board the Megaship.

She glanced over at the couch. Cassie was the only one aboard now who held the original Astro Power, but as strong as the Pink Ranger was she looked young and defenseless curled up in Saryn's arms.

Saryn... He was a mystery she still didn't know enough about. She regarded the "Phantom Ranger" thoughtfully, wondering about the way he and the Power coexisted. It was a symbiosis that had changed dramatically over the past few months, yet his "bond" with Cassie remained unaltered. There was empathy behind that after all, then--but it wasn't like any definition of empathy she'd ever come across.

Her gaze slid across their sleeping forms toward his sister. The younger Elisian reminded her so much of Kerone--strong, straightforward, and insatiably curious. *There are no weak Rangers,* she mused, watching the rebel leader sleep.

Movement from beside her caught her attention, and she looked down to see Zhane stir a little. The Elisians would wake as soon as he did; neither of them could be considered anything but extremely light sleepers. She took one last look around the room, the tranquil atmosphere making her smile.

Her form dissipated into nothingness as Zhane stirred again, and he blinked sleepily as he glanced around the room. His gaze came to rest on the glowing camera light, and he gave it a drowsy smile. "Morning, DECA."

"Good morning, Zhane," she replied. "Merry Christmas."

"I can't find the words to say
Thank you for the gift"

~"The Gift"~
(lyrics performed by Collin Raye)


5. Identity

"Strike!"

"Oh, it was not," Ashley's voice argued. "That was such a gutter ball."

"What game are you playing?" Carlos demanded. "All the pins fell down!"

"Yeah, after the ball hit the wall!"

"Who says it can't bounce off the wall?"

"The rules!" Ashley sounded indignant. "Bowling alleys don't let you bounce balls off the wall! It's down the middle or nothing!"

"Hi Kerone," Carlos added belatedly, finally catching sight of her at the other end of the hallway. "How's it going?"

"Good," she answered. She stepped around the pins scattered haphazardly across the floor and wandered down the hall toward them. "How are you?"

"Carlos cheats!" Ashley exclaimed. "He's trying to tell me that he's allowed to count that as a strike even after the ball hit the wall!"

"I am," Carlos insisted stubbornly. "I'm telling you, the pins fell down."

"And I'm telling you it doesn't matter because the ball hit the wall!"

Kerone was tempted to tell him that the rules she had been taught put him in the wrong, but she suspected he knew that perfectly well. The two of them were probably having as much fun arguing as they had been playing the game. "Have either of you seen Zhane?" she asked instead.

"No," Ashley said, momentarily diverted. "But Andros is on the Bridge. If DECA doesn't know, he might."

"Thanks," Kerone said with a smile, pausing by her door to study the hallway. Given that she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to find him, she hadn't asked DECA yet. And since she had just come from talking with Andros, she wasn't about to turn around and go back.

"Want to play?" Carlos asked. He must have either seen her expression or misinterpreted her hesitation, and the offer was a kind one.

Still, she shook her head. "No thanks. I'm just thinking."

"Too bad Carlos doesn't do that," Ashley teased. "Then he wouldn't still be trying to claim that supposed strike."

"Hey, in indoor soccer you play it off the walls," Carlos informed her. "How is this any different?"

"All bowling is indoors!" Ashley exclaimed. "There's no difference between indoor bowling in one place and indoor bowling in another!"

"So you're saying that if we play outdoors I get to make the rules?"

"No! And you know why? Because first it would have to stop raining long enough for us to do anything, and second, you're already making up rules here so why should I give you permission to do it anywhere else?"

Carlos grinned at her. "Because of my good looks and charming personality?"

"You're lucky you're funny, Carlos," Ashley told him, smirking.

Kerone smiled to herself. "Enjoy your study break," she murmured, turning back to her door at last. She would miss hearing their banter every afternoon.

"See you, Kerone," Carlos called, and Ashley echoed him.

She let the door close behind her, soaking in the darkness for just a moment. There was something comforting about the night, and though she sometimes found that thought symbolically troubling, she couldn't deny that it was true. In the darkness it was just her, and it was a situation that seemed increasingly rare these days.

Finally, she reached out and touched the control panel by the door. The lights came up, banishing the darkness and taking a part of her with it. They had the added effect of illuminating Zhane, sitting motionless in the chair by her computer terminal.

She was careful not to let her reaction show, but his sudden presence made her muscles tense as her body searched instinctively for a threat. The others had learned very quickly not to sneak up on her, but he seemed to do it over and over, completely by accident.

At least, she assumed it was by accident.

"Zhane," she said, by way of greeting. Her tone was cooler than she had meant it to be, but she was already a bit on edge and he had startled her.

He studied her, not moving from his original position. It wasn't his usual careless sprawl; today he sat stiffly in her chair with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were dark and troubled, and his expression was far from one of lazy indifference. Without having to ask, she knew he knew.

"Hi Kerone," he said quietly, his gaze sliding toward her bed.

She tried not to wince. He had done that on purpose, she was sure. He only called her "Kerone" when he was upset about something, and since he tried so hard to project an untroubled air it was sometimes the only indicator she had. Today wasn't one of those times, but it certainly added emphasis to his disapproval.

She followed his gaze, studying the frame pack she had borrowed from Cassie as though she had never seen it before. It contained few clothes, for she could simulate most of what she needed. She did have the jacket Ashley had given her for Christmas, and one of Andros' sweatshirts--he had said the Ranger insignia might come in handy someday.

Other than that, though, it was mostly supplies, both borrowed and synthesized. She had known as soon as she opened her mouth to Saryn last time that Cassie would eventually find out, but she had needed his advice more than anyone's. And Cassie had turned out to be surprisingly helpful, from the loan of the backpack to a fairly comprehensive view of what she might need or want.

"You could have told me," Zhane said, breaking into her reflection.

She deliberately didn't shrug. That was his gesture when he wanted to brush something off, and she couldn't do that. Not if she was going to do what she had to and still keep his friendship.

"It was a decision I had to make alone," she said at last. "It's something I have to *do* alone, and I had to start with the decision."

"You told Saryn." His tone was even, but she could see the hurt in his eyes.

She would have dearly loved to ask how he knew that, but she knew that would just make it sound like she had been trying to keep it from him. There were no secrets on the Megaship, not for long. That was one of the reasons she had to leave.

"I told Saryn," she agreed slowly. She didn't want to hurt him, but she wasn't going to tell him something that wasn't true either. "I told him because I knew he wouldn't try to influence me one way or the other, and I needed his advice. He knows more about being out in the local group alone than any of us do."

"As a Ranger!" Zhane burst out. "Not as a civilian! And not as a *girl*!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't appreciate that," she informed him. "I may not be a Ranger, but I'm not exactly powerless. And there are plenty of people in the galaxies who don't even recognize humans, let alone gender."

That didn't seem to reassure him in the slightest. "Would you have been happier if I said human, then?" he demanded. "Saryn's not that either. He was raised in a colony that probably taught him more about the way things work than someone sheltered all her life by evil's most powerful forces could ever learn!"

That stung, and she knew he had meant it to. She felt a flicker of doubt and she frowned irritably, trying to regain her precarious calm. She wasn't going to let him drag her into his argument the way he had so many times before.

"I respect you, Zhane," she told him firmly. "Even when you're insulting and offensive. But I respect myself, too, and I know this is something that I have to do. I'm sorry you're being such a jerk about it, but it's not going to change my mind."

He stared at her, open-mouthed, and she held her breath. Outwardly she managed to maintain her composure, but inwardly she flinched. It took practice to learn to be tactful, and sometimes she was afraid that years of letting words fly without the slightest consideration might have made her incapable of it.

Finally, he looked away. "Okay," he muttered, dropping the word into the silence like a stone. "Right." She thought she saw him swallow. "Will you at least tell me why?"

She tried not to sigh. That single question was the reason she had avoided telling anyone but Saryn until today. She had no glib answer for "why?" and that was all anyone seemed to want. No one wanted to hear, "because" or "I just do".

"I don't know," she admitted at last.

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. "Zhane, all I can tell you is that when I left the Dark Fortress five months ago, Andros said I could do anything I wanted. He said I didn't owe the Rangers anything, and I believed him."

She stopped, trying to gauge his reaction somehow. She knew she had to convince him that this was important to her before he would listen. "Andros said I could stay on the Megaship or not--he said he didn't want me to go, but that it was my decision. Five months ago, I decided to stay because I wanted to get to know my brother, and you, and Rangers that weren't as evil as I used to think.

"But now things are different." She was still studying him, wishing Zhane's inscrutable stare were a little more revealing. She didn't want to give him a chance to interrupt, but she did wish she knew what was going through his mind. "Now I know my brother, and sometimes I even feel like I know you. I've gotten to know the other Rangers, to the point where I know they mean it when they call me a friend."

She took a deep breath. If only she could just will him to understand. "The only one I still don't know is me, Zhane. I used to think I did, and when I gave that up I thought I'd find a new identity to take its place. But I haven't. I don't know who I am, and it's not getting any clearer by staying here, or even by riding around with Saryn.

"He's been wonderful," she added, not wanting to belittle the other's efforts to help her find a place for herself. "But that's not me either, and until I know what is I'm just going to go through the motions, not really doing anything and getting more and more restless until I can't *stand* it anymore."

She shifted, barely keeping herself from stamping her foot. It was a leftover mannerism that she hadn't quite learned to suppress. By the quirk of Zhane's lips, he had seen her movement and knew exactly what it meant. She tried not to let that exasperate her further.

Then, quietly, he told her, "I understand."

She looked at him in surprise, her frustration evaporating with those two words. She had expected him to retort, to tell him that there was plenty for her to do, or that they needed her here, or even that she wouldn't find anything out there that wasn't already inside, or *something*. She could think of every argument he didn't voice, and she didn't have an answer for any of them.

"You... do?" She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yeah." He wasn't any easier to read now than he had been before, but at least he was agreeing with her. "I do." He sighed a little. "Do you... do you know where you're going, yet?"

She had a vague idea where she might start, but she shook her head "no" so he wouldn't ask. "I'll call," she offered tentatively. "If you want me to."

"Of *course* I want you to." She didn't quite catch the expression that flitted across his face before he pulled her into an awkward hug. "I'm not going to be able to stop worrying about you. Call every time you can, and I mean *every* time. Please."

She swallowed, surprised by his sudden turnabout. "You're the Ranger," she mumbled, putting her arms around him gingerly and hugging back. "I'll be more worried about you than you will about me."

"At least I'll have the team," he replied, his voice rough. "You're going to be out there all alone."

"Not really alone," she protested half-heartedly. "Not alone like Saryn was. Or like Andros." She felt him tremble a little at the mention of Andros, and she added, "I'll still have you..."

He squeezed her harder, and tears pricked her eyelids as she realized this might be the last time she felt his arms around her for a long time. She heard him whisper, "You'll always have me," and she tried not to sniffle. Crying wouldn't help anything.

He held her for a long time, until at last she wondered if he planned to let go at all. Finally, she drew back herself, keeping her head down so he couldn't see her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him lift a hand to scrub his own eyes impatiently, and the thought that he was that sorry to see her go gave her pause. Was she right to let them all go on without her, while she went off searching for something she couldn't even define?

"Could you do me a favor?" Zhane's voice was no stronger than it had been before, and when she looked up his gaze was bright with unshed tears.

She nodded wordlessly, not trusting herself to speak.

He reached up, tugging the two necklaces he wore free from under his t-shirt. He untangled them carefully, pulling the silver chain loose and slipping it off over his head. The violet star she had made for him so long ago now still hung against his shirt as he held the phoenix medallion out to her.

"Take this," he said, when she made no movement. He tried to smile. "It worked for me, after all."

"But..." She stared at it, not knowing what else to say.

"You promised," he reminded her, a little unsteadily. "This is the favor, so take it. I want you to have it."

When she reached for it at last, he lifted it higher and placed it over her head. She had to tug her hair free, and the silver chain settled around her neck as he let it go. She touched the medallion gently, and she felt his hand caress her cheek.

"Come back to me, Astrea," he whispered. "Find yourself--and then find me. I'll still be here."

Her fingers closed over the silver phoenix. "I will," she promised.


E-mail Starhawk
Back to Starhawk's Aerie
Way Back to starandrea.com